Your best quality
I love asking happily attached new friends to tell me about meeting their partner or spouse for the first time and how their relationship has evolved.
“Tell me the whole story, don’t leave out any details,” I’ll say to make sure I get all the juicy details.
I’m always fascinated by how her first impressions didn’t match up with how the guy really is. The first meeting is usually about looks, too much booze, how the party was or where they met. The second date is much much different and his real qualities start to emerge.
Once we’ve got the groundwork established, I ask what they feel are their partner’s best qualities.
Time and time again, this is what they say:
“He’s the kindest man I’ve ever met”
I’m not trying to go Hallmark ‘ahhhh’ on you here and I’m not trying to say that most women want a wuss for a husbnd, but women love kindness. We’re the weaker sex; we love feeling safe, emotionally and physically.
What we aren’t talking about here are stalkers or men who smother women in order to control them — that’s definitely not what this is about.
Kindness, affection, sense of humor, capacity for commitment - are all traits that can be bundled together in a “keeper”.
Can all guys be kind? Definitely
Some might struggle with it until they have children of their own and then you watch them become tender as if a switch was pulled in their heads.
What does kindness look like? It can be difficult to define but you know it when you see it. When a guy bends down to pat a dog and in a minute or two has the dog begging for more, or when a guy has that special way with kids, or when you’re preparing for surgery and he puts his hand on yours and says, “I’ll be right here waiting when you get finished.”
I know the popular culture tells men to be tough and that’s okay too. Tough and kind can coexist nicely and will not make a man effeminate or less of a man. To the contrary, he’s much more of a man to the woman who loves him.
Kindness might just be the missing piece that could make a man a complete person because I’m convinced that being kind comes from confidence.
Have a great day and be kind - it’s the best quality you’ll ever have.
“Kindness, affection, sense of humor, capacity for commitment - are all traits that can be bundled together in a “keeper”.” - Well said, Flirty. Capacity for commitment is a biggie. A lot of men say they are and when push comes to shove, suddenly, they aren’t.
Sigh.
It’s the pressures of life, career demands, betrayals, business failures that spills over in all aspects of like making for a sometimes permanent mask to the soft side…
Is that ever a Nice Post Flirty! I’ve often consumed too much Booze with my first Dates but it’s normally led to a Fun Time in the Sack!! ;))
Yea first time impressions are risky. It all depends on whether both parties believe in long term relationship. Anyway, I like this post.
Kindness certainly is a big factor when choosing a life partner, and I agree kindness comes from confidence. If he is confident in himself then he’ll treat others with respect, most of all his lover. Sweet post!
Between you me, I always tell my husband his good looks won me over. It was his kind jeart that did the trick lol………. shhhh
I definitely agree that kindness and strength can co-exist in the modern man. When I met my husband I was attracted to his strength and personal convictions, but it was his kindness that “sealed the deal”! Great post!
S.
the first time I met hubby he was getting married the next weekend…he was someone my girlfriend had gone all through school with…and I thought boy that poor girl…how rude he is..well he didn’t get married which had nothing to do with me and we kept running into each other…who knew
I think different qualities tend to attract people. Its not always easy to choose one. Personally, I’ve been especially drawn to impulsiveness, romance and sheer honesty. Here are a few postings about my enduring romance:
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/3/29/the-biggest-risk-ever.html
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/9/8/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up.html
To be always positively adjusted and you will meet only such positively people! All my girlfriend are beautiful (not only body ) and clever
Great blog and article!
I attended Toledo St.Francis de Sales HS an eternity ago. The motto on our school emblem, a quote of St. Francis himself, was Suaviter et Fortiter, which means gently and firmly. The coexistence of kindness and strength is a timeless value.