Women Don’t Fart
It’s true, I swear it. That’s what I heard at a party I went to last night. Not ONE woman admitted to farting. Several of the couples at the party were only dating, so of course those women DEFINITELY didn’t fart. The men were all boozed up and boasting about silent but violent explosions and the almighty flap the covers nights, but not the women. It reminded me of the first time I went to Japan and went into a toilet in the lounge. It had one of those toto toilets and there was a button that just made flushing noises so any escaping noise would be covered up.
Humans pass half a litre of fart gas a day. So if men admit to it, where does it go in women? The truth is that men and women fart an equal amount but men take pride in it and women are embarrassed by it.
Can a woman cover up a fart?
There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear designed to absorb the odor of farts. Another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present, or complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill.
As for the sound… if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you, as if you think he/she did it. Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that people think that they misheard the fart. If you are with one other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he heard a fart.
If you’re worried about farting loudly in a public restroom, you can use a handful of loose toilet paper, cover your butt hole and it will muffle the farting; it’s called the ‘Buff Muff’!
What about farting during sex?
I think it all depends on how long the relationship has lasted. If it happened to me, we’d just laugh uncontrollably and get on with the job. My pal Martha said she lost a relationship because the first two times she and this guy she was dating had sex, she farted. It was more than he could take he said, it just wasn’t ladylike.
Everyone farts, it’s only human.
