When to end a relationship
A close friend of mine has been in what I call a disolving relationship for over a year. They no longer communicate much and when they do it’s barely civil. Why do they stay together? It’s for the children, they say. Of course it is.
I look at these kids who seem to be crying out for peace and happiness. The kids are teenagers so they are pretty cluey as to what’s going on. So what IS the best time to end it? How do you know for sure that there isn’t a chance to save it all?
There is not one best time I don’t think. If you are involved in an unhealthy relationship and that could be a romantic relationship like my friends or a work situation or a bust-up with a family member, don’t wait til you are so negative that you hurt people you love. You might find yourself nitpicking at your kids, no patience with your husband or wife or snappy at work. This is just going to add to the misery that’s your life right now. If you’re in a shit situation, it’s time to remove yourself.
I know when I left home, my kids were teenagers and the week after we left my son said, “Have you noticed how peaceful it is now?” Poor kid felt like he was walking on egg shells for months. I felt terribly guilty.
When you’re in an abusive or unhealthy relationship every day seems a month long. You find yourself on the brink of despair and can’t imagine reaching your goals. Don’t wait til you start believing all the negative words spoken against you because then you’ll need superhuman energy to leave.
If you’re staying for the kids, make sure that it’s what’s best for your kids. It’s not better for them to live in strife and confusion day in and day out. Having them happy with you and happy with their other parent can be much better in the long run. They can’t learn what a loving relationship is where they are.
There is no job worth being unhappy about long term. Every job is pretty crap in some way, that’s why they call it work. If you find that you don’t feel good about yourself or you find you’re forcing yourself to get up and go to work, start looking for another job.
Family is very important but if a family member is causing pain for you, make the split and separate yourself from this person. You can always come back and sort it out down the road, but you’ve given yourself some breathing (and healing) room.
Remember, you are the most important person in your life. Always. When you’re ok, then you have the time, energy and love to give to others and they will be a zillion times happier. There is no joy in being a martyr.
Peace. Love. Out.
Marriage is a minefield from the beginning.
Those at greater risk after getting married, are the unprepared, the immature, those inexperienced with any type of relationship, couples who commit to marriage when not knowing each other well enough from the start and couples just in it for the sex, without giving any thought to what would happen when the lust was gone.
That takes into account most people who get married. But who’s perfect?…Answer: No one.
Statistics on divorce show that a greater number of couples are separating. Sad, but better than living in a world of pain.
Will marriage second time round be any better?
Sadly not, if the statistics ring true.
The growing number of people joining up and meeting up at places like RSVP show that people are disillusioned with marriage and are utilising the “try before you buy” method, before getting into a permanent relationship such as marriage.
“Living in sin” before getting married does have it’s advantages somewhat. The moral complications and it’s hassle’s, however, turn some people off.
NOTE: The number of people living together in this type of arrangement is growing but it does not guarantee a perfect marriage if it comes to that.
What would I like to see happen to counteract this growing trend in divorce?
Answer: The education of young minds, within the school system, with regards to relationships and all things that can occur within it.
Lets face it, most people just get sex education and nothing else.
Well, that’s my two cents worth, love it or lump it!
Regards, Peter McCartney
A mear male, tarnished, but still prepared to better my ways.
It’s amazing how many couples in Australia are in de facto relationships. I was shocked when I moved here because nearly 10% of ALL relationships from newly marrieds to grans and gramps are de facto.
I agree that kids need to learn more life skills in school but it’s really hard to cram everything in to the school system. Personally, I think parents could take some responsibility for educating their kids in some of the life skills.
it is mere, btw.
In the Philippines, break-ups are still considered taboo, annulments expensive and divorce impossible. Yet a growing number of couples are having “marital fights” that are quite unhealthy. They stay together because of the kids or just are scared of public scrutiny.
Recently, a close friend had these problems. He was gonna leave his wife because they just kept on fighting and are losing respect of each other already. I told him in the straightest manner that if ever he decides to leave her it’s really okay. Problem is, he has a 3-month old baby to consider.
Well, maybe it’s the Catholic culture still ingrained in us that keeps us from doing the “right thing”.
Break-ups are definitely one of the most difficult things in a relationship, not many people handle them too well and most people try not to deal with them instead.
Great post!
This article makes me realize that we need someone to talk to.