Social skills
It amazes me the number of people I meet who act like they were brought up by a family of mice. No please or thank you, no let’s take turns, no ability to argue a point without anger — in other words a complete dork. On top of that, people with no social skills want us to love and nurture them when we grow up. This isn’t a man bashing exercise, there are plenty of women who are dorks too. Some people call them money grubbing bitches, but I won’t go there today.
Proper social skills allow you to progress through life and achieve your goals in a manner that’s harmonious with and pleasant to other people you meet. It’s simple, so why is it so difficult for some people? People are influenced by your behavior and attitude, there’s no getting away from it. If you’re a shit and you act like a shit, people won’t stick around for very long. Not unless you bully them to the point where they are afraid of you but that’s something even a flirty old woman won’t get into.
You don’t have to be a smarmy used car salesman to be considered to have good social skills. You need to be seen as a nice person – genuinely friendly, outgoing, interesting and likeable. It’s really easy to be nice. There is always something nice you can think of to say in any situation. Sure we all get wound up and spout off at inappropriate times and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to be perfect, just likeable.
If someone had bad role models growing up, that could cause a problem for them in social situations. When they’re uncomfortable and insecure they won’t act in a likeable way. That’s where they might be right now, but it is possible to change. All they need is the “want to” to make it happen.
Start by hanging around with someone they think is friendly and likeable. Watch what they do and how they interact with other people. They’ll look for nice things to say to people. They’ll be genuinely interested in what others say and about what goes on in other peoples’ lives.
Try to see themselves as others do. This can be tricky but they should be aware of what they’re saying and how they’re saying it and listen for feedback. Having someone shake their head at you and say, “man, you’re weird,” is feedback they should listen to. Someone who is not aware of how they come across to other people often think that they’re a great catch and can’t understand why they keep getting rejected.
If they make a mistake, don’t beat themselves up. We ALL make mistakes we wish we hadn’t. Ask Mr. Obama how many states there are and see how he feels about mistakes! Simply do their best not to make the same mistake again and let the mishap go.
Ask advice from a friend. If they think you can take any criticism (and some cannot) then they should ask someone they respect to give them some pointers on what they could do to improve their social skills. They might find that it’s only a couple of things that are keeping them from their goal.
Enjoyed your post. What’s REALLY interesting is how the apple falls from the tree. For example, my parents rarely traveled further than 60 miles from their home, worked 9 to 5 jobs their entire lives, and rarely went to parties or had many friends.
So I moved 25 times, and am now living in Hawaii, but sure, you take clues from your parents. I prefer to live in my cave, but being an entrepreneur, you have to be social (and avoid bad breath:) Also, I can say that I’ve been influenced by my peers. Back in college, I kind of got “sucked into” a fraternity, really, I had no intentions of pledging, but a friend of a friend “made” me rush, and so I joined. Well, I’m glad to say, it helped pull me out of the cave and got me into things. They taught me how to dress, how to act, and how to socialize. Many negs may call it “brain-washing,” but I’m really glad it happened.
Not that my parents were bad or wrong, but I’m so happy that I have been able to live my life, start and grow companies, and interact with others. I know I’ve been a good influence on many, as I have also been mentored by some great people.
Sure, my wife wants to kick me out of the house every now and then, but we just celebrated our 15th (I just turned 41, and she’s 39,) two daughters, and a ton of life experiences.
So if you’re a “turd in the punch bowl,” it may very well be that you were never fortunate to have been “mind melded” into other groups.
I’m glad I was!
Da Banner Boya
I agree. As a teacher of Life Skills, I think that the decline in social skills is partly due to our hectic and overscheduled lifestyle which demands that we adhere to schedules and timelines as a way to display respect to others. Showing up on time equates to, “i value you and what you do” which loosely translates to “THANKS”…
Cool post! And the dog is just so cute.
I prefer to live in my cave, but being an entrepreneur, you have to be social (and avoid bad breath:) Also, I can say that I’ve been influenced by my peers. Back in college, I kind of got “sucked into†a fraternity, really, I had no intentions of pledging.
The same advice goes for online behaviors. Actually the problem is worse in the virtual world than in real-life.
[...] Social skills Social skills Social skills (tags: Social skills) [...]
Before you can help students improve their social skills, they need to understand why these skills are important. You might have students Roundrobin problems they’ve experienced in cooperative learning teams.
Hey, you’re giving us dorks a bad name! I have done customer service in my day and I know how to be “nice”! My kids always got complimented on how nicely they said please and thank you and at such a young age. And my family is never the one to leave the violin recital the minute their kid is done playing. (Rude, rude, rude!) Dorks aren’t rude, just awkward.
What burns my weenie is these “nice” people who turn it off and show their true colors the minute they realize they’re not going to sell you anything or get you to do what they want. One of those magazine scam kids was all smiley but then called my mom a bitch when she politely declined to “help him win a trip to Europe” since she had five kids of her own and she couldn’t afford to send them to Europe so why should she pitch in for a stranger.
Ok need to throw my 2 dollars into this conversation. In some platforms I may be considered a dork or a jackass. I don’t hide my feeling or my conversation unless it is necessary (receiver may have a breakdown). The greatest complement I received was 12 yrs ago at my wedding to my lovely wife, one of the grooms man said “for those of you here that don’t know John that well – Don’t ever ask him a question you really don’t want an answer to!†Growing up in the east coast and always being direct I have to admit I have offended people over the years but looking back those people were the two face, back stabbers that would eventfully hurt you to get ahead in life. I sleep great at night and I have 2 children who are learning how to be direct and honest.
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I think skills are something that you can always acquire later… No worries…
Well be smooth, thats all I can say…
Well, I really don’t have the gift of the gab phenomenon going for me. But I think I do have some suave moves.
Best way is to not just care!