She’s gained weight
That was the subject of an email to our support desk today. He is a member of our dating site searching for a woman that would turn him on more than his wife who’s put on 14 pounds since they were married. Here’s his mail:
I am still very much in love with my wife, however, she has put on some weight. Not a huge amount, about 14 pounds, but enough to make it difficult for me to find her as sexy as I used to. Her wonderful personality hasn’t changed, but I find it hard to get excited when looking at her new shape. I know it sounds shallow, and I’ve tried to get over this, but it’s no use. I made a big mess of things and told her how I felt one night when we were arguing. Now that she knows how I feel, it makes her feel bad and she doesn’t feel comfortable being naked around me. This is causing a lot of tension between us. I don’t really want to find anyone new but I don’t know where to turn. Can you give me some advice?
So I replied:
Oh dear, you are a bit shallow but I admire you for writing to me for advice. At least you know you’ve got a good thing in a woman with a wonderful personality. 14 pounds is not a huge amount and shouldn’t be enough for you to lose all desire for your wife. All of your senses are involved in sparking sexual desire, particularly sight. An attractive appearance is important for many men. I think you are being too picky.
I do understand that someone can’t force himself to be attracted to someone. Stop feeling guilty because it’s impossible to make yourself feel attraction for another person. Both partners should be considerate of one another, and love and respect each other by making an effort and not taking each other for granted. If you become fat, it’s not surprising if your partner finds you less attractive, but we’re talking less than 15 pounds.
You could consider that her contentment in the relationship with you has put her where she is now. She’s been having fun, eating out, hanging around and talking with you instead of walking or doing something more energetic. Take walks together, go dancing or play tennis and she’ll lose the 14 pounds without any drama.
I feel confident in saying that you will not help her lose the weight by going on about it. You’ve told her once and trust me, she knows she’s put on the weight. Her clothes don’t fit and she’s not as comfortable as she was before.
Perhaps I’ve misread it completely and she’s unhappy and miserable and is eating for comfort. When you told her that her weight gain has made her no longer desirable, what she heard was nothing was more important than how she looked. Once she gained weight, she might as well piss off because you no longer wanted her. Look down the road and will you want her as she gets older and gets wrinkles? I promise you, she’s thinking about that right now.
If you love her as you say you do, you couldn’t think of a life without her. You wouldn’t be on a dating site looking for women more slender than your wife. If the thought of living with someone less than perfect makes you unhappy or sexually unfulfilled, let her go and find someone else who’s not as fickle as you.
What IS it with the beautiful people set that require perfection to be sexy. That’s not what sexy is to me at all. What’s sexy to me is feeling sexy. Knowing he’s thinking about me and wanting me and perhaps even fantasizing about me during the day. That gets my motor going. He’d never think about my size because that’s not the part of me that feels sexy.
What’s sexy for you?
[…] Read the rest of this great post here […]
Maureen:
Thank you so much for kind comment re my blog. I’ve linked you to my blog roll. Please do the same for me, if you would like to.
Mischa.
The Confession of the Panther Woman ©
http://theconfessionofthepantherwoman.blogspot.com
Sex, Cathedrals, and Metamorphosis.
[…] Check it out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today.Here’s a quick excerpt That was the subject of an email to our support desk today. He is a member of our dating site searching for a woman that would turn him on more than his wife who’s put on 14 pounds since they were married. Here’s his mail: I am still very much in love with my wife, however, she has put on some weight. Not a huge amount, about 14 pounds, but enough to make it difficult for me to find her as sexy as I used to. Her wonderful personality hasn’t changed, but I find it hard to get excited when looki […]
[…] Read the rest of this great post here […]
[…] Check it out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today.Here’s a quick excerpt That was the subject of an email to our support desk today. He is a member of our dating site searching for a woman that would turn him on more than his wife who’s put on 14 pounds since they were married. Here’s his mail: I am still very much in love with my wife, however, she has put on some weight. Not a huge amount, about 14 pounds, but enough to make it difficult for me to find her as sexy as I used to. Her wonderful personality hasn’t changed, but I find it hard to get excited when looki […]
Okay . . . have you shared any fantasies with her? Or ask her to share some of hers with you . . . also, look at her eyes, listen to her voice, enjoy her touch . . .
I think you were extremely nice to that guy and I hope he takes your advice. Hmmmm, I wonder what HE looks like?
**From FeelingFlirty — I did look him up to see his photo. He wasn’t bad looking but no Adonis.
I am a huge fan of Shallow Hal (The movie). Its one Jack Black’s first movies and it teaches us men that dating overweight women is not such a bad thing after all. Maybe you should have told him to watch Shallow Hal. Watching that film certainly changed my philosophy towards life.
honestly, i love chubby (but not extremely fat) women… i find it comforting when the woman is huggable.
awesome post and commentary on the modern perception of beauty. keep up the great work and stay in touch on the blogosphere! our niche is related and i anticipate learning much from you
sweet - i hope he takes your advice
They key is in the fact that he says she gained “14 pounds” - not “over 10 pounds” or “almost 15 pounds.” He is officially that dude who monitors his lady’s eating patterns down to the dinner roll. Glad you told him what’s what!