Serial dating
Yesterday one of our staffers brought a member problem to me to decide how to handle it. A woman has been a paying member since 2002 (yep, that’s right) and her credit card is going to be updated and she’s afraid she will have to pay the current membership fee which is well above what it cost in 2002. I told my employee how to handle it so the woman could continue paying the same price but it made me think.
Why would anyone need to be a member of a dating site for more than 6 years?
Surely in that amount of time you could find someone to go out with. The more I thought about it, the more curious I became so I decided to do some investigating and see what she’s been up to.
Sure enough, she joined in 2002 and has written to ….get ready for it… more than 1000 men. Most have written back to her according to the logs. At first I thought maybe she was a professional who was using our site to get customers but I noticed one name in the logs that I recognized so I wrote to him and asked about her. Turns out, she just loves to date. She doesn’t want a relationship that lasts very long because she likes the excitement of a new relationship.
In all the years I’ve been running a dating site, I’d never met a female serial dater like this. I’ve seen a bargeful of men who are afraid of commitment but most women are looking for a more secure relationship.
I was intrigued.
So I wrote to her and thanked her for being such a loyal member of our site and could she indulge me and answer a few questions. Here are the questions and her answers.
How many men have you met in person? More than 250
How many of these men did you meet for a second date? About 20 or 30
How often do you meet men for dates? Every weekend
Do you usually have sex on the first date? It all depends - many times I do but not always
Are you a member at other adult dating sites? No, I keep busy right here and I love the chatrooms
Do you think you’ll ever settle down with just one? Maybe. I’m 42 now and as I get older I might want just one but at the moment I crave variety.
Mr. Flirty keeps telling me that my own views are not the views of every woman and this one has really shaken me. I have a tough time with the first time naked scene so it would be difficult to be with a different man every weekend. Could you date different people every weekend for years?
I say ‘you go girl’. If that makes her happy, great. It’s also great for the guys. As you say, most of them aren’t looking for commitment either. Sure, the minority of the guys she’s dating probably do want a commitment and lose out. But, for the majority, it’s all good.
Personally, I couldn’t do it. I want something serious.
I’m kinda curious the age range she dates - i was expecting her to be younger. Are most of these guys she picks younger, or older?
Feh! I’m not even up to dating one person. It’s just too hard for me not to take it so seriously that it messes up everything else I have to think about. More power to her, I suppose.
Thanks for visiting and Stumbling! Check back any time.
Well guys get away with this kind of thing all the time, so why cant girls? Like Ben says alot of guys will enjoy this as commitment is out of the question!
But……. In this day and age girls are just as bad as guys for being this way. But that is usually only the case with younger girls, still……..
I find it hard to stick to one person, gets boring after a while
I’d like to say that I’d like to date different women every weekend, and have sex with most of them, like your client. But really, as I think about my life, it is a fantasy that I would never make a reality. I crave connection. You can’t do that in a weekend. It takes time to get to know someone and to know how to love them, and to be loved back.
I’m probably more connected to a number of eFriend bloggers than your client is to her dates.
Sounds good, but no thanks.
I’m not a serial dater but I was surprised you think 6 years is a long time to be trying to find someone. I am on several dating sites and have been for more than 6 years. I would have given up many times along the way but I have met some great guys through other methods (though they are not single, just meeting people in general socially). It does seem to me that men on dating sites have a one track mind. I have stopped using the dating sites for that reason.
I don’t think 6 years is all that long to be looking for someone either. I couldn’t do it myself, but if that makes her happy, then go for it.
Hm, I found my love on a date site and I don’t use it anymore. In found what I was looking for
What surprises me is that she’s already 42. She’s near the menopausal stage. Doesn’t she want kids of her own?
I agree that relationships can be challenging. In fact, I’ve tried pretty much everything. Now my friend, psychologist Dr. Alexander, showed me what’s been missing. I was looking at the wrong type for me. If you go on Dr. Alexander’s new site, www.loveTypes.com, and take the quiz, you’ll find the type that’s best for you.
finally the rigth person will come
I think with doing this most of the people loose the power to like a specific person.
for how long people do things like this?
I really dont like all these dating sites. It never worked for me..
lol…nice article…keep posting…and thanks for sharing…
I like meeting new people, speaking to them, sharing thoughts… but “dating” with many different men one-by-one is somehow not-right for me, I prefer closer relationships when your man is all in one - a friend, a husband, a lover and a dad to your children.
Well, Polina, its hard to find that all in one man, don’t you think? Anyhow, finding a local single in your area is the best you can do I believe, so dating sites which give you this opportunity are the best to join.
Good article, enjoy reading it
I appreciate the good advices written in this article