I get this question fairly often and every time I hear the story I cringe inside. My first reaction is always anger at someome who lies to make his or her life easier and to get what they want at the risk of hurting someone they says they love.

Once I feel the pressure sliding down my body I have to wonder what happened in the relationship that caused this lack of respect. It IS a lack of respect when someone tells a lie because they know the truth will make them look like the piece of crap that they are. It’s like, “I’m doing the wrong thing but I don’t want you to be disappointed or angry with me.” Yeah right, then don’t make promises with your mouth that your actions can’t back up. Just sayin…

What is it about people who make promises when they know right up front that they have no intention of keeping their promise but they will hold their partner to theirs. Just drives me nuts.

Folks, it’s tough when you love someone you cannot trust. It leaves you feeling insecure and trying to decide if you should stay or go. Too often we’ll look at the relationship as a whole and remember the charming person who swept us off our feet and who can be very loving – and ignore how bad we feel when we get lied to.

• Sometimes we stay because even if we feel really bad about ourselves we worry that being alone will hurt worse.
• Sometimes we stay because we think that ALL people lie and this one is no worse than someone new.
• Sometimes we stay because we think nobody new will want us.
• Sometimes we stay because we think this person needs us.
• Sometimes we believe we’re the cause of their misbehavior.
• Sometimes we stay because even though this has happened time and time again, we believe it when they say, “it will never happen again.”

Let me say that all of these reasons are crap.  Being lied to is not the price you must pay for being in a relationship with someone and not everyone will lie to you.  You will NEVER be responsible for anyone else’s behavior regardless what he or she says to the contrary.  We are all responsible for our own behavior and nobody can “make” you do anything – that’s just a sleazy excuse for abuse.

You found this person, didn’t you?  You’ll find another one the same way.  Being lied to tends to tarnish your sparkle a little bit but I promise that with a little dating practice you’ll polish up just fine.

As for why your liar creep keeps on lying?  Why should they change?  They’re in control, top dog and life is perfect just as it is.  They do as they please and then say, “oh, sorry about that,” and keep on keeping on.  You’re worth more.

I was chatting online to a new friend yesterday and we began talking about her best friend who she said had been “replaced by her husband.” I thought about that for a minute before saying that maybe she wasn’t replaced at all. Maybe she was never that important to him in the first place. Maybe she was just convenient.

How many times have you heard people who’ve been divorced say that they weren’t really in love with their ex, they just thought they were? I’ve heard it. The thing to remember is, both men and women are guilty of thinking theyr’e in love. They don’t test themselves because being with *someone* is better than being alone. A few months or years later and they are unhappy and wondering how the hell to change things. Their eyes begin to wander and figure that an affair is better than hurting their spouse’s feelings.

Sometimes, and dare I say it, more than sometimes, we think we’re in love but it’s really a long-term friends with benefits situation that could end at any time if one or the other isn’t getting their sexual needs met. It looks like love because they’re all twittery, holding hands, cuddly but that’s how friends with benefits act too. We get caught up in overwhelming lust and we think it’s love. Love isn’t about sex and that’s where the confusion lies. You have sex when you’re in love but sex is not love. Love is caring about someone during the good times and more especially during the bad times. Love doesn’t look for a way out, instead it looks for a solution.

I’m not saying that every person who’s cheating isn’t in love with their spouse. I’m saying that some people were never in love in the first place.

Do you ever watch that show, Cheaters, on TV ? I watched it for the first time recently and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Why oh why would anyone want to blurb all that crap out on television? While I don’t think we need to keep so many secrets that friends are shocked when it comes out that we’ve been unhappy for a long time – I can’t imagine going on a show and bearing my grief for all to see.

Would you consider doing it if you thought your partner/spouse was cheating?

I’ve been asked before if I knew for sure that my best friend’s husband was cheating would I tell her. That’s a far cry from chasing a wandering spouse to publicly humiliate him or her. I dunno, I couldn’t imagine doing it. I think I’d just prefer to leave and put it all behind me. Think about going through life as “the guy whose wife cheated on him on tv”? or “the woman whose husband pretended to be a talent scout when he was really a janitor?”

How do you feel about Cheaters (the show, not the person)?

When pursuing your lady, use this as a guide—The Player’s list of five types of women you should avoid. The Player has encountered many types of women in his existence, so who better to make a list than someone who’s been through the entire book? Don’t worry though, this list isn’t gospel—it simply offers a few guidelines to keep you from meeting Dr. Jekyll, but dating Mrs. Hyde… proceed at your own discretion.

The Smart-Ass

Every man likes an articulate woman, a girl who can voice her opinion, sound intelligent and impress your friends with a philosophical debate on the downward spiral of modern politics. OK, maybe that’s pushing it a bit, but a woman with verbal confidence can be a hell of a turn-on. But let’s be realistic—while it’s always nice to date someone who is charismatic and well-versed, it’s something quite different to date a woman who beats the opinionated war drum.

Unfortunately, these types exist, and for those who haven’t had the privilege of strapping on your helmet and hunkering down for a verbal assault, you’re definitely not missing out. Everyone comes from different wombs, so why does she seem to get angry with you when you can’t agree? Some women simply like to test you to see how well you stand up for yourself; others just like to exert their own power. The Smart-Ass exposes your intellectual weaknesses and will subsequently cut you down because of it. This is a type to avoid at all costs, as she will make the rest of your evening miserable while she stomps on your heart with an egomaniacal boot.

The Gold Digger

It doesn’t take a genius to know that wooing a woman requires a trifocal effort of body, soul and spending power. As standard romantic procedures, you’re going to have to take her for dinner, buy her flowers, whisk her away to the mountains for the weekend, and show her that the world is your oyster and she’s the pearl. But if I can give a word of caution to my free-spending comrades out there (I’m guilty of this too), make damn sure she’s actually enjoying your company and not just your wallet. If you start to notice that she’s expecting you to pay for everything but the kitchen sink, your credit card bill should be enough of a red flag to warrant an emergency landing.

Here’s some sound advice—if you approach a woman and the first words out of her mouth are “I’ll have a Vodka Seven,” chances are she’s probably out to score some freebies, so proceed with caution. If her friends show up and start ordering drinks as well, there’s a good chance they’ll all dissipate into the crowd once they’ve been served, leaving you with the tab. Avoid the Gold Digger type at all costs. Like the old proverb goes, you can’t buy happiness, and a woman who thinks otherwise isn’t worth your time.

Ms. Right

It was not too long ago that I had to end a relationship with this type of woman, much to my disappointment. She had a bevy of outstanding qualities, but her inability to accept a different opinion ultimately led to a breakup. Every time we got together, she would declare her astuteness and would never take my advice because it was always wrong. Ms. Right is, well, stubbornly set in her ways—she’s correct about everything, and if you even so much as make an unfavorable whisper, she’ll lash out at you with the voraciousness of a python. The sad part is, Ms. Right types are hard to change, as their personal pride tends to get in the way of understanding others and the world around her, so all you can really do is avoid these women. She may have been spoiled as a child, or perhaps she has just hung around too many snotty girlfriends for her own good. Either way, the red flags on these women fly high. Steer clear.

The Psycho

What is it about women who feel the need to call their man 10 times a day? More importantly, what is the guy going to tell a woman that he didn’t just talk about an hour ago? The Psycho will disrupt the balance you have in your day between work and home. She will meld your personal life with your business life, and make it clear to you that she exists and is planting her rump right in the middle of your daily agenda. What’s worse, if you tell her to stop being so obsessive and dependent, she’ll completely deny any obsession she has. She will see it as a sign that she has to work harder to win you over, and then she’ll end up bothering you more. See the vicious cycle here? The Psycho will never give up, and will drown you in her own insecurities about relationships and life. If you find yourself in this predicament, I encourage you to take the blue pill and wake up from your impending nightmare.

The Rebound

This type of woman is probably the most notorious on this list. You’ve heard the warnings to avoid being the “rebound” guy, and it’s a proven piece of advice. But yet, so many of us mistakenly fall for a woman without having a clue about her past relationships. When we encounter a beautiful woman who makes a hell of a first impression, the attraction we feel is clockwork human behavior. We seem to skip over our judgments in the hope that this will be love at first sight. But in this day and age, we are more often than not led down the wrong path, and what guys see as a blessed relationship is really just a temporary comfort for her.

The Rebound knows you are a good guy, so don’t think you’re failing the test. However, you’ve shown up at the right place at the wrong time—the invitation said seven, but you arrived at six. You’re too early, and she’s not ready. It’s difficult to offer any advice on how to pinpoint these types of women, but a good indicator is how persistent her friends are in trying to set her up with you, and how reluctant she is to do it, much to the chagrin of her friends. If you sense reluctance, trust your instinct. Don’t bite.

There’s Still Hope

With your head now freshly crammed with the follies of the five sin-ettes, you’re probably wondering if there are any types out there that are worth pursuing. And my answer is: there most definitely are. You would be doing yourself a disservice to look for the types of women to avoid. Rather, find women that are your type and then decide whether to continue the pursuit You can never go wrong by playing the field—remember: not even trying is the biggest avoidance of all.

Recently, this question was asked of heaps of women on About.com and the results were really interesting to me. The women said that if you wanted to meet someone, a pub, bar or tavern wasn’t their place of first choice. They’d go to a coffee shop and when someone came in that they were really interested in, they’d make eye contact. If that worked then they’d either ask for suggestions on what was best, ask if they liked what they were served (you might want that next time) or ask what time it was. These are all excellent ice breakers and I can see why it works.

So let’s take this reasoning and put it in an online dating scenario and I have to tell you, “hot tits!” isn’t quite the same as an introduction. The coffee shop women all used personal information they gleaned from watching the men. They looked at what they were eating or they watched them deciding what to order or they noticed the guy had a watch and asked for the time. Why? Noticing these things raised their chances of success.

If you want to really catch a woman’s eye, then let her know how she caught yours. What about her caused you to want to contact her. Why her? Is she special or would you want any female with a heartbeat? She wants to be more special than that.