What? Brushing your teeth of course! A new survey has revealed that not having breath like a sailor’s fart means you’ll have more success in love and probably in every other aspect of your life. I suppose it seems obvious, but then…

The survey, conducted by a group called pureprofile on behalf of dental products group Oral B, questioned 1001 people across Australia and discovered that 96 per cent of Australians surveyed agreed that bad oral hygiene affected the enjoyment of kissing. Now really, did Oral B have to ask that question? What I want to know is, who are the 4% who didn’t think stinky breath affected their quality of kissing. Maybe they always have bad breath so it didn’t matter? Gross!!!

It gets worse, I’m afraid. Sixty-one per cent of respondents say they have stopped kissing someone because of bad oral hygiene. I suppose that means the kissee’s breath was so bad they could light it like a citronella candle to keep the bugs away. Now stick with me here.. if these people STOPPED kissing because of gross mouth odor, wouldn’t you think they could have smelled it from across the room and not started kissing in the first place? Now for the 39 per cent who didn’t stop kissing when faced with really bad breath, they must have wanted kissing a lot more than I do.

Break this statistic down along gender lines and women take a civilizing step up (to 70 per cent) while men - and you know who you are - plummet to a grubby 54 per cent. So does this mean that 46 per cent of men would happily swap spit with a woman whose mouth reeks like weekend roadkill on a hot Florida highway?

Might this be the reason for binge drinking? Maybe that’s the only way they can get close to their sweetie for a smooch? Perhaps what you thought were tears of joy when they looked you in the eye, weren’t.

The survey also concluded that bad oral hygiene can also affect your career. High income earners (greater than $120,000 a year) questioned believe people with bad breath are less likely to be promoted at work. They are also assumed to be less disciplined and less professional. So, if you don’t want to wile away the hours in middle management, brush your freakin teeth more often! There is definitely something in this about the sweet smell of success.

I’m amazed at what some people tell me happens when they have sex.

“Off white, I think the ceiling should be off white instead of bright white.” If the person you’re having sex with is more interested in the color of the ceiling paint either you’re awfully bad in the sack department or that person needs to be with someone else.

“That feels the same way that it did when my ex did it.” Oh dear, it’s time to kick the ex out of the bedroom cause a second phrase like that would mean certain death at my house.

“Your willy is so cute!” Cute is used for little girly things like smiles or grins but your guy definitely and can I emphasize definitely, doesn’t want to think little and girly about his lower brain.

“Don’t touch me there!” Now I know that we all have different feelings about our own bodies and if you have bits you don’t want explored by your lover, then tell him up front, not while he’s really getting it on. Nothing will end the session on a worse note than that. He (or she) likes to know that all of you is desirable and sexy.

“I had an STD once.” During sex is not the time to discuss what diseases, sexual or otherwise that you might have had in the past. Sure, share everything when you’re having a chat because that’s the fair way to go, but not while you’re doing the horizontal hula.

“Snore.” I’m amazed at how many people, both men and women, tell me that this happens. People try to cram so much into their lives that when they finally do fall into bed, sleep happens. If you find yourself getting really sleepy instead of really horny, turn the lights on, put on some faster music or whisper sweet nothings into your lover’s ear so you won’t fall asleep. Remember, slam, bam, roll over and sleep is not going to get you a lot of sex in the future.

“Yelling the wrong name.” This does happen and fairly frequently to someone who was married for a long time and is newly single. The name just pops out without thinking. It’s a definite mood breaker and often ends up with hurt feelings when no hurt was intended at all.

I’m sure there are lots more and if you can think of some, just leave me a comment!

Before Marriage

Him: Ah… Alas, I can hardly wait!

Her: Do you want me to leave?

Him: NO! Don’t even think about it.

Her: Do you love me?

Him: Of course! Always have and always will!

Her: Have you ever cheated on me?

Him: NO! Why are you even asking?

Her: Will you kiss me?

Him: Every chance I get, baby!

Her: Will you hit me?

Him: Heck no! Are you crazy?!

Her: Can I trust you?

Him: Yes!!

Her: Darling!!!!~

After Marriage

Read it backwards

TORONTO (Reuters Life!) - Single baby boomers are enjoying better sex, are open to threesomes and are not looking to get married, according to a new poll.

Forty-six percent of the 1,000 adults born between 1946 and 1964 who were questioned in the survey said they enjoyed sex more now than they did during their 20s and 30s.

“I think we’re looking at a generation that really sees this time as a great period in life,” said Marina Glogovac, of the online dating site Lavalife which conducted the poll.

“Most of these people are looking to enhance their lives, so they’re not really sitting there and saying I’m desperate, I need to live with someone. Their attitude is, we want to meet interesting people.”

There are an estimated 85 million baby boomers in North America, according to the American Association of Retired People (AARP), comprising nearly 28 percent of the adult population. About 30 percent of boomers are single.

The poll showed that 34 percent would have sex on a first date compared with 17 percent of singles in “generation X”, or people born between 1965 and 1982.

Twenty-five percent of sexually active boomers were open to participating in a threesome.

“This is the generation that has grown up with feminism, swingers, and this whole liberation that came out of the 60s. This is when most of the people came of age,” said Glogovac.

The survey of people in the United States and Canada by the company’s site for older adults, prime.lavalife.com, also found that 47 percent of single boomers were primarily looking for friendship, while 19 percent were seeking a sexual companion.

The percentage of people wanting a serious relationship and those looking to casually date were about the same at 33 and 30 percent respectively.

A mere 10 percent hoped to get married, compared with 60 percent of those aged 30 to 39, Lavalife said.

“This is the group of people that has been around, that has lived,” said Glogovac.

“They usually have a broad range of experiences and relationships. It’s a group that wants to share who they are, and where they’ve been, and what insight they’ve picked up along the way.”

By Solarina Ho

It doesn’t matter who you are or how much money or fame you have, if you look at other women, your wife is gonna crack the shits about it.

I have to admit that I can so see myself acting like this and I have no money or fame. Just proves we’re all alike when we’re not feeling like number one.