I got an email from a guy yesterday and I felt really bad for him. He told me that he’d been in a relationship for more than 11 months and he really cared for her a lot. He was pretty sure she loved him but wished she’d show it more.
“Every night we watch tv and I rub her feet,” he said.
“I bring home a surprise for her several times a week and I’m always thinking of ways I can show her that I care,” so why doesn’t she reciprocate?
The sad fact is that she probably isn’t as much in love as he is. She might be seeing all the things he’s doing as smothering when he sees them as romantic gestures. It was tough to write to him and tell him that if she’s not in the relationship giving as much as she’s receiving, he’s wasting his time with this woman.
Because if he accepts this behavior from her, it’s only going to get worse and then he’s going to feel taken for granted and grow ever more resentful of her as time passes. I can’t know but my guess is that the first guy who comes along that brings out urges to show him that she cares – she’ll jump ship and leave this guy after all he’s done to build a relationship with her.
Being in a married relationship with children is one thing and that always brings special problems but if you aren’t married and have no children together, why be a doormat? I suggested that he dust himself off and confront her about his feelings and if he didn’t feel 100% confident that she was fully committed to him – it’s time to move on.
What would your advice have been?