On Your First Date

A date isn’t an interview that you are having when you apply for a job. I know, I know, time is precious so you have to do as much “screening” as you can as quickly as you can. And if you don’t feel that he/she isn’t the right one you can move on. That’s not what dating is all about. Dating is about having fun.Here are some other tips that will help you to relax and have a good time. If you get these right, your date will go swimmingly. Honestly.

1. Dress well — and appropriately for the activity you’ve planned. If you’re going out to dinner – smart casual for both men and women. If you’re going hiking, ladies, don’t wear heels. For goodness sake be clean. Take a shower just before your date. Look and smell delicious.

2. Show up on time. I know this sounds really simple but I’m flabberghasted at the number of complaints we have about both men and women who are 15 to 30 minutes or longer late on the first date. If you’re running into difficulty, call ahead and say you’re going to be 15 minutes late. It’s the courteous and respectful thing to do. Also, if you decide you have changed your mind, send an email or call. Too many people make dates to meet in person and fail to show up. Nerves most probably but it’s still really inconsiderate.

3. Put away your cell phone; do not take calls or text. One lady wrote to us last week about a first date (in person) with a guy from SexyAds. He took 9 phone calls during the evening from work or friends and didn’t say, “Can I call you back? I’m with someone now.” He asked for a 2nd date and she told him she wasn’t going to wait in the queue again.

4. Guys, if you’re meeting at a coffee shop, always buy your date something to drink — doesn’t matter if she says she’s fine without a drink, buy one anyway. I can hear you complaining about women’s lib and going dutch but I promise, you’ll get farther with a simple cup of coffee or a Coke.

5. Don’t swear or use other foul language or speak to serving people rudely. This should be a given but sadly it’s not. Manners will always win out.

6. Avoid talking about past relationships; Your date won’t be impressed with how awful your ex is or was or how big a martyr you were. It’s not relevant to the date you’re on or the relationship that might come between you. These sorts of discussions are weeks or months down the road over a glass of wine.

7. Don’t ask rapid-fire questions; nobody wants to feel like they’re being interviewed for a potential “job” as your boyfriend or girlfriend. Ask interesting questions about things you truly want to know. Where someone went to grade school or what their first dog’s name is should be none of your business at the first date.

8. Let the other person talk. I know it feels good to talk about yourself and your accomplishments but your date feels the same way. If you talk about yourself all night then it’s apparent to them that you don’t care what sort of person they are.

9. Stick it out for at least an hour, even if you’re not interested. You never know, after 30 minutes the nerves might settle down and the conversation could change and you might change your mind. If not, you’ve wasted 30 minutes.

10. Don’t pressure the other person to go out again. Ask once and if you’re flatly turned down, don’t go there again. Move on to someone who will look forward to that second date with you?