Moanday musings

The day was normal up until 3pm. That’s when I take my daily stroll to check on the chickens and collect the eggs. I had nearly a dozen in my basket so I thought I’d dash next door with them for the best neighbors in the whole world. I knocked on their door and their daughter answered and said she’d just gotten home but would get her mother. I told her it wasn’t necessary, that I’d only brought some eggs over.

That’s when it happened.

Before I could turn around there was the loudest, most erotic moaning I’ve ever heard. Oh oh OH OH oh oh oh. It didn’t stop. It was as if a horny cow crawled down her throat.

I looked at her daughter.

Her daughter looked at me.

I thought, “jumpin judas on a rock, what do I do now?”

The moaning got louder (and faster!) and it was obviously my friend. I wondered to myself who she was making all that racket with at three o’clock in the afternoon but then Kath told me her father was off all day. Phew. I didn’t want to think of my best pal doing the boogity boogity with anyone but her husband. It’s none of my business, mind you, but it’s better for neighborly relations. They obviously thought they were all alone for a hot afternooner.

I grinned from ear to ear and dashed through the door and back to the sanctity of my office before they started chasing each other around the house. On my way home I thought – here I am working from dawn til dusk and she’s over there getting her brains screwed out. Who’s doing what right? It was like a porn video inside my head but the actors were my neighbors. Now my friend is well over 50 and we all know women over 50 can get a bit dry in the playroom. The way they were going at it I was afraid they were going fuck so fast she’d start the neighborhood on fire!

It was then that I thought, geez, the daughter’s going to tell them that I was there. She’s 27 and not one bit shy. She’s going to tell her mother that I was there. Do I call later and make a joke? Do I pretend that this sort of thing happens all the time? Do I just ignore it?

I’m not one to ignore things, however I do love a good joke. I decided that I should bring them a recovery pack. I dashed to KFC and then whipped up some pudding and made some melon balls. I fixed a tray with chicken BREASTS, melon BALLS, spotted DICK, a roll of duct tape and some ear plugs.

It wasn’t as good as having sex myself but for some of us, perving on the neighbors is as close is all we’ll get today.