Knowing what you want

Knowing what you want in a partner is the first step I think when you’re stepping back into the dating pool. Should he be taller than me? Should she have soft round curves? Must he be well educated or is intelligence more important? The list goes on and on.

When people are in their early twenties, they have an image in their minds of the person they want to spend passionate times with. I wager I could ask 10 people who are over 35 if they are with the person they imagined back when they were 20 and most will say no. Why? Because as we gain in maturity we look more for character and “chemistry” than looks or lust. I don’t mean for a minute that I think lust plays no part at all in who we desire but we look for other characteristics that we’ve learned to place a lot of value in.

What’s equally as important as knowing what we want in a potential partner, is what you cannot tolerate in another person. If you’re dating someone who trips one of those I can’t stand it triggers, don’t proceed with the relationship. It will never get better and you’ll never get him or her to change just to please you. Life isn’t that simple. You can change yourself and sometimes those changes in yourself cause changes in those around you but you can never change someone else. So get clear on what things you know you can’t tolerate. We’ve all got about 10 important things that will probably drive us up the wall if our partner or date did. More than 10 and you’re too picky and you need to cut that list back.

Still not sure you know exactly what you want? Get out of the house! Meet people! Take every opportunity you can to expand your social circle. Speak to strangers. Chat up the man or woman in the grocery checkout line. Take a night class in something you’ve always wanted to learn more about. Every opportunity you have to meet someone new will show you more things that you like or don’t like in other people. One idea I learned about recently from an online friend – he had some calling cards made up (like business cards but without the business information) and he keeps a few in his pocket for those chance meetings. It’s a good idea. Have your name and your email address printed on the card. You’ll never have to ask for a number – if he or she is interested, they’ll email.

Finally, expect good things to happen. Limit that voice that says, “you’ll never find the right person,” because you’re limiting yourself when you listen to that voice. Had back luck? Learn from it and move on — let it go. Life is meant to be lived in joy. Look for the joy and before you know it, you’ll find some hotty and you’ll be playing like rabbits on a warm summer day.