It’s Not You…It’s me!
Whether you’re male or female, you or somebody you know have heard of these words. People think these words soften the blow during break ups or arguments. It doesn’t work. After all the drama, “it’s not you, it’s me” usually leaves people very confused, frustrated and angry.
Once the battle is over and these words have finally been uttered, where do you go from there? Obviously the relationship or friendship is over but how did you get there? Most of the time, these words are said to ease the blame and make it easier on the person doing the breaking up. Should we make things easier on ourselves by using it’s not you, it’s me? Personally I would much rather prefer that the other party, the one who is trying to end the relationship be truthful. It’s better to say the exact reasons behind the dumping or break up rather than be left out in the dark. It’s a really wrong idea to sugarcoat things. It doesn’t make things any easier. The person being dumped knows it’s not about you, it’s about them. What they don’t know is why.
Sure, the reasons you’re leaving a relationship might be more than one but using that statement is used to cover up our cowardice for not being able to be honest and admit that the relationship isn’t meeting our needs.
There might have been a time that someone used the line on you and you know it was never about them. So if you’re ending a relationship, don’t make it easier on yourself. The conversation is only going to be at the max 5 or 10 minutes. You owe this person that much time and you owe them the reasons why so they can have some closure and move on. Don’t give them false hope that they could do something different and “keep you.”
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I hate these words as I too wish that the other party can be truthful too. Your words here echoed my thought.
Sometimes people say that just to make the other person feel better. But you know what, it always makes the other wonder. I think people should communicate better and just say what they really feel.
I agree. I just wish people breaking up don’t end up passing the buck. Most people guilty of infidelity do this. But this should not be the case. I think knowing the truth is less hurtful compared to looking like a fool.
Nice Post. Thanks for sharing and keep posting more new info.
Thanks again.
Nice information for both male and female, every one have to read this..thanks buddy
Yeah I really appreciate the post, it got nice information.
if there is something that can save the relationship why not do that,. it’s not easy to have a breakup,. specially if you really love that person and if you’ve been together for so many years,. it will really hurt.
I think the it’s not you it’s me line is the most honest one can be.
It’s ME who doesn’t want to be with YOU anymore…which pretty much sums it all up. I think it’s not you it’s me is much nicer.
Nobody like these words to say but circumstances force us to do this. Everyone wants to live be happy but that is not possible always.
Like you (and the rest of the human population), I also detest the words It’s Not You..it’s me. However, if you think about it, that person is just trying to spare the feelings of the other person who is about to get dumped. What that person (who is saying that line is) it is more irritating and dang frustrating and the truth should be laid out in the open. No matter how hard it is to say the truth.
I must admit that I was guilty once. Then then the karma came back doubled.
Well, that’s life. Two imperfect people, trying to live a perfect relationship is sometimes impossible.
Thanks for that.I used to think it was a nice way to break-up.Coming to think of it-it really is confusing isn’t it??Well, i guess there really isn’t any ‘nice’ way to say ‘goodbye’.:)
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I would suggest try to save the relation first.
The truth. What an interesting thought.
We think that by lying you are making it easier for the other person when it is quite the opposite.
The truth hurts too much for some of us. Always has and always will.
ending a relationship should not be easy at the first place, you’ve loved the person that breaking up with her or with him is like moving a mountain.. i think breaking-up is always about the truth… it hurts but at least you know your faults
Im in a relationship today and I don’t to break up again. My current boyfriend now is my ex boyfriend when I was in college, and we part ways for some important reason, and now that we are back in each others arms again, I will assure that no one can make us apart now. I love my boyfriend so much and he loves me so much also and were planning to get married soon.
Really a nice post.
as i think one should always speak what he/she feels by heart. it makes other one feel better..
its better to make someone feel bad once rather than making him/her feel bad everyday or every time.
Careful sometimes being “truthful” can be really harsh and broken relationships have been known to be rescued. So you can be truthful but sometimes it is hard to do it in a decent way when you are anxious to just LEAVE!
I think speaking the truth is the least someone could do to end the relationship. Even the candy-coated truth is better than “its not you its me!”, by that time, the couple just looks at each other with gaping mouths either believing that those words were uttered.
Without the truth, the relationship will always be on shaky ground, and it might be better to let go of what could never be. But never with “its not you its me”, that is the classic non-committal answer that anyone can give, and it should by all means not be used as an excuse for a breakup.
Just saying “it’s not you, it’s me†ends the conflict leaving doubts in the minds of both. So, it is better to clear the issues and then to decide about future relation. Nice post indeed.
Yeah really dear you making other persons happy with such sharing..
Thank for sharing tips, i will try in next time and will see what it will happen.
Love the line: “Don’t give them false hope that they could do something different and “keep you.†Very deceiving and cruel thing to do.Better just to be frank about the real reason.
it’s not you, it’s all me… i can’t make commitment now… i hate when somebody say this words
Nice Post. Thanks for sharing and keep posting more new information. Nice information for both male and female, every one have to read this. I would suggest try to save the relation first. Better just to be frank about the real reason. I think that one should always speak what he/she feels by heart. It makes other one feel better..
Thanks a lot.
Creating a relation takes time and to break it takes few seconds …it really hurts u when if you really love that person and if you’ve been together for so many years,. it will really hurt.
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It is really hard to deal with it
Saying “it’s not you, it’s me†seems easiest way to get more importance over the other. “It’s not you, it’s me†becomes more important because this phrase contains emotional touch.
my girlfrend used this line on me 2weeks ago, but we were apart 2 years , she had dumped me before, im saying im not as bothered, but im here on this site leaving comments, always makes you wonder.
It happened to me a week ago. Says he needs to fix himself before he can truly be there for me or anyone else. Tried to get him to tell me if it was something about me, wanting the truth no matter how hurtful it is.. still have no closure, it’s still all him is what he always says. We are still friends but it’s hard to move on. Yes, he gave me hope that maybe in the future things could pick up again but people change, hearts change, and who knows, someone else may spark his interest and I’m gone forever. Very difficult situation indeed. Thanks for the post, it really hits the heart.
Phenomenal. I am SO SICK of hearing about break-ups where this is said… I had a girl say that to me once and I LOST IT! It’s like she’s acting like theres SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER that she cant quite grasp.. no it just means you’re either A.) not attracted to me anymore, B.)moved on to someone new, or C.)BOTH! I tell my clients to keep this in mind when they’re trying to get back together with someone who said that to them… funny stuff
the it’s not you, it’s me part is definitely sickening and it is a pathetic excuse for breaking up. But the phrase can still be used to make the breakup a bit less painful as long as you are willing to explain not only what you think wrong about your partner but also the fault that you made. Don’t focus only on your partner faults but see yours too
Great article, and I think you’re exactly right that most of the time they’re trying to ease the guilt they’re feeling at breaking up. That’s perfectly understandable but it doesn’t do the person on the receiving end any favors. The best thing is to be honest about it so the other person isn’t left thinking that there’s a chance things can be fixed. Unless of course things can be fixed. From my experience it’s usually a loss of attraction, nothing more, nothing less.
Definitely agree about giving false hope. Too many times we give someone hope to hold onto a relationship that’s already over.