“I just don’t feel like having sex”
How many times have you thought that and kept it to yourself? I know I have. When our relationship changed from pals to lovers one thing we always promised each other was that we’d never say no, even if we didn’t feel like it. So if I’m definitely not in the mood, I will always be ok with a quickie and that’s always ok with him.
Should I say no?
I was reading a blog the other day and the writer crapped on about being honest and truthful to oneself and having the guts to say no. She mentioned sex but she meant in everything. If you don’t want to help out on neighborhood cleanup day or you don’t want to take your mother to her doctor’s appointment and you don’t want to take your kid to music lessons — then you shouldn’t do it.
Isn’t that what life is all about? The give and take that makes life complete? There are exceptions of course. If you’re a doormat who can never say no to anything, then learning to say no once in a while is a good thing.
But back to sex. Everything always leads back to sex around here.
As a woman who’s probably past her prime (who am I kidding?), I recall many times in my past that I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn’t feel sexy, I don’t think I looked sexy and I didn’t have time to do anything about it. I worked 9 hours a day and had two kids and a house to take care of. I wasn’t alone but I may as well have been. My mother told me that I’d get to a point where sex wasn’t important and she was right, but for all the wrong reasons.
Now sex makes me feel terrific — even if I’m not in the mood. I’m with someone who wouldn’t be offended if I said I wasn’t in the mood when he asked if I felt frisky, because he’s confident enough to say, “I am, how about a quickie?”
Great post! Although I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment as I am currently single. Infact I’ve actually only been with one woman in my whole entire life. Im not sure if thats bad or good. I would love to have a relationship, but I want to have a stable income before I get involved with anyone.
heheheheh.. this is a sexy post! i think it is okay to say no to sex if you feel like not doing it.but am glad to know you feel terrific about sex! lol…
***From FeelingFlirty — and I’m old too!
Very interesting post
Men and women have some different needs in sex. Men want it every time, but women want caress and romance.
I’m RIGHT with you!
There is something very holy IMO, about giving even if we don’t really feel like it.
Of course, as you point out, it doesn’t mean we become doormats, allowing ourselves to disappear as we try to gain selfhood by subservience.
But giving of ourselves, our time, our energy to those we love, even when it may not be convenient, is a beautiful way to live IMO!
You are so much fun! I seriously enjoy your blog!
Big hugs,
Jen
Sorry bout yer Luck!!
I’m Hornier than a Half-Fucked Fox in a Forest Fire!!
;PPP xoxoxooooooooooooo
LET’S GIT NEKKID BABY!!!!!!!!
In some culture man and woman go for sexual performance compatibility. Through discussion or openness. This is kind of good in a way. Each can know and find a life partner who is thrice daily, once a week, twice a month, and 10 times a year. In other cultures, we hear men say, *headache, what do you mean? Bent down, I do not need your head*
At my house, sex is a constant argument. And I do mean an ARGUMENT big time. My hubby seems to NEVER be in the mood which is unusual since its often the other way around. Married less than 2 years, sex is happening about once a month if that. And I am NOT joking. I have seriously considered leaving because he refuses to see anyone over this. I feel cheated out of intimacy and I miss what we used to share.
I do agree it is okay to say no sometimes, but this is to the point it is ridiculous.
***From FeelingFlirty — He’s obviously got a problem because his behavior is not normal. Maybe he’s on medication that reduces his libido? I’m no doctor or therapist but if he were my husband he would have to love me enough to get help or I’d move on. While sex isn’t the only reason I’m in a relationship, it’s really important to me. If my husband got help and it was determined that there was nothing that could be done, I’d find other ways that he could pleasure me other than vaginal sex.
Your post is very interesting. I feel strongly about this topic, so here’s what I think. In life, there must be compromises in order for anyone to get ahead and feel good about it. In sex, it is the same thing.
If you don’t feel like doing the dirty dance one day, but your partner does, it all depends on the situation. If they are always begging, that can be annoying, and you should not feel obligated. But if sex is usually pretty give and take, then sure, give in and say yes for a quick fix. But let them know you are going out of your way to please them, and perhaps they would like to return the favor? Whether it be next time you want it and they don’t, or a nice dinner on them, compromise should sometimes be rewarded.
If you are simply not enjoying sex, maybe there is a deeper issue? For many couples, after a while, sex just ain’t what it used to be. Maybe you need to spice things up a bit? Some ideas would be romantic evenings out together, totally lavishing each other and going all out. This would be something to remember for weeks to come, sparking a little lust between the two of you.
It is a pretty sad thing when couples don’t like sex with each other, but there are answers. A more extreme solution could also always be inviting another person into the sex session. That could prove to be a tricky topic, and both partners need to be very open and non jealous types for it to work.
As for your question, should you say yes or no, well follow your body and mind. If you really don’t want to, hell don’t do it. If you are kind of indifferent, then go for it, you never know, maybe it will end up being a good idea after a couple of wild hours!
Good luck with your dilemma, I hope my ideas give you some inspiration and solutions!
There is nothing better than a quickie sometimes! I love em. Even if I’m not in the mood, my husband usually can fix that. He loves having his way with me
Damn I like the way you think! I agree with you one hundred percent on this. Saying no if one is really sick or something is one thing but saying no just because you are not in the mood…hello, what better way to get in the mood than to start touching ??? Plus, as you mentioned, the world, life, is about relationships and giving….not taking. If everyone gave more and were less self centered just imagine what the world would be like?
Great post! Sex is a fabulous stress buster. There’s way too much emphasis that women have to orgasm every time to enjoy sex–not true! Or the myth that all the duckies have to be lined up in a row every time, candlelit dinner, etc., before a woman can be in the mood. Just letting go and having a romp when you’re not particularly in the mood, man or woman, can be just what the doctor ordered. It’s a lot more fun than popping pills!
i sometimes feel this way (not wanting to have sex) due to stress and other factors.. this is partly brought about by being busy with blogging
Jessie, I can understand not wanting to have sex when I’m stressed or not feeling well, but I think the day I say I don’t want to have sex because I want to blog — shoot me.
Blogging will always come after intimacy for me. I hope things change for you soon.