J and I were partners for 8 years until one night in Paris when I said I thought he should ask me to marry him. Subtle, I know. I don’t know why I decided that it was right for me but my guts gave me that feeling I have learned not to ignore.

I wonder if the same partnership rules existed in the US today where de facto couples who’d been together for more than a year had all the same benefits as a legally married couple, would there be as many marriages? Would you walk down the aisle if you could get by without it?

People have asked me if I would marry now if I hadn’t done so years ago and I have to say I would. While in my head I was fully committed to him, being married did give us that undefinable permanence that feels really good in the pit of my stomach. I always knew we’d be together forever but now I don’t wonder about it at all. I just know. I think J could have stayed partners forever but we promised each other that if either one wanted to, we would.

None of this should imply that I think marriage should only be between a man and a woman. I’m of the rock solid opinion that marriage should be allowed between any two people who want to commit themselves to each other for life. (or for however long they want to be together) It is really nobody’s business but the two people involved. I can’t see how marriage between any two other people can really affect me in any way other than if I want to make rules for everyone else to follow.

Marriage isn’t for everyone. Too often marriage becomes ownership, and when that happens, the party’s over for the one who’s owned. What about you? Would you marry someone or live together?

I’m not sure how big the group of women was that was surveyed to give their favorite fantasies, but I suspect they are very typical. I’ve seen quite a few of these mentioned in the SexyAds forums a time or two!

* Sex between student and teacher
* Sex in public or in a public place
* Sex with a multitude of partners
* Sex in a place where a person might be caught in the act
* Having sex outdoors
* Sex, pretending you are a prostitute
* Acting as if inexperienced sexually or acting as a virgin
* Having sex with someone considered inappropriate such as a nun or a priest
* Having sex with a famous person or fictional character
* Trying sexual positions or approaches a person may not be practicing in real life
* Wearing the clothing of the opposite sex or being forced to wear this clothing.

I love that my sexual fantasies are not the same as my sexual reality. I can fantasize about sex with any number of men without committing adultery in my heart. I can imagine myself with .. well, best leave that for another article, ok?

Most research on sexual fantasies points to the fact that a healthy sexual fantasy life goes hand in hand with a healthy overall sex life. People who have sexual fantasies are more likely to be sexually satisfied, and they even have more sex. So if you have fantasies, you’re on the right track!

Occasionally some people feel bad or guilty about having fantasies that don’t include their spouse. That’s crap! The only time a fantasy can cause a problem is if your partner wants to act one out and it’s something that you don’t want to do. My advice is to say no. You’ll hate it and your partner will resent it so you won’t get any brownie points for “giving in.”

I think there’s nothing better than having a quiet cuddle and talking about fantasies. I ALWAYS get in the mood. How about sharing yours?

Does the writer ask any questions of you or do they only answer the ones you have asked but gives no room for follow-up questions? If you write again and it takes quite a while to get a reply, they’re just being polite and you should move on to someone who’s more interested in you.

If you receive an email from another member, it’s great to give a reply to everyone even if they’re not for you. They’ve taken the time to compose an email to you, so let them know you read it. Being polite is good but I’d prefer someone who is polite and says thanks for writing but I don’t think we’re a match. Then I can move on and contact others.

Remember, if you get an email and it doesn’t feel right in your gut, don’t get involved. I am a firm believer that our gut reaction is always right, even when our head says they’re drop dead gorgeous and our heart goes pitty pat. You want the best person for you, not an ornament or someone who’s a right pain in the ass.

“For things to change, you must get a picture of what you want them to change to.”

I let the words sink in for a few minutes and then realized how right she was. Our friend focuses all the time on what has happened to her, she’s always a victim because she can only see herself as a victim. So I thought about those 17 words in the context of dating and relationships and I think she might be on to something there too. If you see yourself as single and dateless, why not try changing your focus. See yourself as someone desirable who hasn’t found the right one.. yet!

1. Stay out of trouble

2. Aim for greater heights

3. Stay focused on your job

4. Exercise to maintain good health

5. Practice teamwork

6. Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back, but take your time trusting others

7. Save for a rainy day

8. Rest and relax

9. Always take time to smile, it makes the world a better place

10. Realize that NOTHING is impossible

That’s how my day started today and I can tell you that things have gone down from there. I burnt myself quite badly a couple of weeks ago and so I’m in a lot of pain. It was with boiling water and it’s big and you don’t want to know the rest. It’s gross. I started working (because I work every day) and I was uncomfortable and tired and cranky.

Some guy uploaded an erotic story and we view everything before it gets published on our site and it’s a good thing too. His story was a page and a half long and it was one sentence. Yep one sentence. So being the kind person that I am, I wrote to him and explained that nobody would read a story with only one sentence that went on for a page and a half. I even pasted his story back to him in case he hadn’t saved it. I asked him if he could please check it and add some punctuation and paragraphs.

He did his best and resubmitted it. There were paragraphs in there but it took me nearly 45 minutes to fix 328 errors in it. Now I know I should have just deleted the damn thing and just moved on but I felt bad that he was stupid and I fixed it. Then I was mad at myself for wasting all that time.

Truthfully, I’m rarely in a bad mood so when have the “can’t help its” they seem much worse than they really are. I’ve tried thinking a happy thought for 17 seconds and I smiled for 3 seconds and then I went right back to feeling pissy again.

Someone suggested that I should look at peaceful photographs. I tried that and all I saw were pictures of places I’d like to visit — without me in them.

Someone else suggested that I meditate. How can you meditate when all you really want to do is throw rocks?

What are your tricks for getting out of a shitty mood? My husband would like me to find out.

Read aloud for best results. Be warned, you’re going to find yourself talking “funny” for a while after reading this.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the FarEast Economic Review…

Room Service (RS): “Morny. Ruin sorbees”

Guest (G): “Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service”

RS: “Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??”

G: “Uh..yes..I’d like some bacon and eggs”

RS: “Ow July den?”

G: “What??”

RS: “Ow July den?…pry, boy, pooch?

G : “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.”

RS: “Ow July dee bayhcem…crease?”

G: “Crisp will be fine.”

RS : “Hokay. An San tos?”

G: “What?”

RS: “San tos. July San tos?”

G: “I don’t think so”

RS: “No? Judo one toes??”

G: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo one toes’ means.”

RS: “Toes! toes!…why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?”

G: “English muffin!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘Toast.’ Fine. Yes,an English muffin will be fine.”

RS: “We bother?”

G: “No..just put the bother on the side.”

RS: “Wad?”

G: “I mean butter…just put it on the side.”

RS: “Copy?”

G: “Sorry?”

RS: “Copy…tea…mill?”

G: “Yes. Coffee please, and that’s all.”

RS: “One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy….rye??”

G: “Whatever you say”

RS: “Tendjewberrymud”

G : “You’re welcome.”

Experts will tell us that nearly 50% of all relationships will have one partner (sometimes both) who will stray from the relationship to form an emotional or sexual bond with another person. They’ll also tell you that a bout of infidelity hurts more than just about anything else that can happen to us in our lives. Infidelity hurts more than the death of a parent, loss of a job or physical abuse. I believe them.

It doesn’t matter how you find out, there is no easy way to get the information that the one person you trusted with every fiber of your being has been intimate with another person. Some people find out with private detectives, some get told by their friends and some of us trip over it on a computer. It hurts no matter how you find out.

I don’t think anyone who strays sets out to hurt their spouse or partner. I believe that. I think it happens in pretty much the same way for everyone. You find someone, get to talking and one thing leads to another and before you know it, you’re in the sack playing hide the sausage.

Once the affair is over and your partner wants to “make it all good again” is it possible? Can you ever look at them without thinking of what they did with someone else? I’m determined to find out.

For me there are four things that must happen for me to begin to trust again.

1. Honesty. I want to know all the details. I don’t want to wallow in them but I want to know how it happened. I need to know. How could I have missed it for so long?
2. Time. Until I feel confident, I want to know where he is. If he wants me to trust him then he’s got to give me the tools to do so.
3. Me. I want face to face, eye to eye contact and I want it often. I want to know that he’s my other half. I want to do things together — like the old times. I suppose I want to be wooed all over again. Sweep me off my feet. Make me feel special like I did before.
4. Love. I want him to tell me he loves me. I want to hear it and often. I want to be shown that he loves me. I have always put him first and I want to feel loved like he does.

In return I will do all I can to meet his needs and continue to care for and about him as I have since we met. Will it work? I’m not sure. Will I be ok if it doesn’t work? Absolutely. I’m no clinging vine and regardless what happens I will be just fine. Maybe I have a big ego but I have always told myself, if you’re not happy, do whatever you need to be to get to that state. For me, life is all about being happy and finding joy in every day.

I thought so. Me too.

With nearly everything else in life, there’s a handbook to tell you how to be really good at things but with sex, you’re pretty much on your own — except for those videos. I think porn videos have a lot to answer for in the way they portray women and real sex.

For instance:

* All women must be fine as hell and not older than 19. OK, 20 but then they’re MILFs.
* They must have platinum blond hair and fake boobs (over the size of DD).
* Women are all either bi or lesbian.
* Lingerie is simply not sexy and must be removed as quickly as possible.
* As soon as any sexual activity starts every shred of clothing (remember, lingerie is not sexy) must be removed. Ok, one exception — high heels must be worn throughout the entire sexual experience.
* All men must sport a mustache or marines haircut and leave their socks on especially during the good bits.
* If there is a black male involved he will be hung like a horse.
* Upon orgasm, men must ejaculate at least 27 pints
* Extremely beautiful women really want to have sex with a 67 year old man
* During sex a woman must maintain a word to swear ratio of at least 1:17 respectively
* Only overweight men who also have a severe case of gut overhang like to have sex
* Women must always moan from pleasure while giving another man oral sex.
* Women usually apologize to a man by giving him a blowjob.
* All women can have an orgasm by just taking off their clothes.
* One sexual position or act is not good enough. Four different positions in a couple of minutes is what EVERYONE else does
* Men are never impotent.
* When performing oral sex on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
* Women who get caught masturbating by a strange man will not scream with embarrassment; instead she will insist he have sex with her.
* Women are indifferent as to where a man’s ejaculate lands
* Women always moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
* Women always orgasm when men do.
* Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they orgasm.
* Women always make Oooohhh Ahhhhh noises when they have sex.
* Asian men don’t exist, but their chicks are HOT!
* Nurses tend to give blow jobs as an exam method.
* Nuns are always wild and eager for sex.
* Children do not exist
* Women never have headaches… or periods.
* Women always look pleasantly surprised when they unzip a man’s fly and find a penis there.
* Every woman on the planet is bi
* Pubic hair is just a myth.
* If you offer them enough money, all women are willing to have sex with you
* There are no such things as natural finger nails.
* The man always decides on the position, no objections.

Real people have real sex. Women have periods. Some women do not want to be spanked. Some couples can have sex without swearing. Some women don’t have sex with everyone who comes to the door. If you’ve been treating your sex life like you see in a porno movie, it’s time for a re-think.