Mr. Flirty is a geek of the first order and not to have the highest possible connection was driving him nuts.  He called and got a phone company rep in the Philippines who said we couldn’t get broadband at all and had half a paired set of wires for our phone connection.  That’s where it started going bad.  He called the business office and got no joy.  He called the regional office and got no joy.  In an offhand comment to our of our new neighbours, they suggested just talking with a phone techo because they are the ones who really know what’s going on.

So that’s what he did next.  The techo said there were 2 free wires that went straight to the exchange but we couldn’t have a set because they were on hold for 6 months and 1 day.  Mr. Flirty had smoke coming out of his ears that this point.  The techo then did something that’s rare in any industry.  He said he had a buddy that owed him a favor and he’d see what he could do.  In 15 minutes we were connected on one of those 2 wires to the exchange.  We couldn’t access the net because we didn’t have a broadband account.  He called the phone company again and was told that it would take 10-15 working days to get it installed.  He explained that it was already connecting to the exchange and someone just had to flip a switch.  Nope, nothing could be done to make it go any faster.

That’s when he hit on the magic phrase.  “Is there a performance standard that you must meet and can you tell me what that is?”

Well, that person wouldn’t tell him what it was, just said there was nothing she could do.  So he asked for her supervisor and asked the same question.  She gave  him every reason in the book why it took 10-15 working days and he said, ‘If you cannot tell me what the performance standard for connections is, can you pass me on to someone who will?”

She put him on hold for nearly 25 minutes and he waited the whole time.  She came back and still didn’t tell him what the performance standard is for connections but told him we’d be online by the following afternoon.

He spent literally hours and hours on the phone and going to the offices in person to make this happen but *finally* we’re back on and I have a brand new zippy computer so I should get lots more done.  Maybe.

That’s how my day started today and I can tell you that things have gone down from there. I burnt myself quite badly a couple of weeks ago and so I’m in a lot of pain. It was with boiling water and it’s big and you don’t want to know the rest. It’s gross. I started working (because I work every day) and I was uncomfortable and tired and cranky.

Some guy uploaded an erotic story and we view everything before it gets published on our site and it’s a good thing too. His story was a page and a half long and it was one sentence. Yep one sentence. So being the kind person that I am, I wrote to him and explained that nobody would read a story with only one sentence that went on for a page and a half. I even pasted his story back to him in case he hadn’t saved it. I asked him if he could please check it and add some punctuation and paragraphs.

He did his best and resubmitted it. There were paragraphs in there but it took me nearly 45 minutes to fix 328 errors in it. Now I know I should have just deleted the damn thing and just moved on but I felt bad that he was stupid and I fixed it. Then I was mad at myself for wasting all that time.

Truthfully, I’m rarely in a bad mood so when have the “can’t help its” they seem much worse than they really are. I’ve tried thinking a happy thought for 17 seconds and I smiled for 3 seconds and then I went right back to feeling pissy again.

Someone suggested that I should look at peaceful photographs. I tried that and all I saw were pictures of places I’d like to visit — without me in them.

Someone else suggested that I meditate. How can you meditate when all you really want to do is throw rocks?

What are your tricks for getting out of a shitty mood? My husband would like me to find out.

If you have surgery or really if you go into the hospital for anything at all, make sure that you wash your hands every 30 seconds or use that instant hand santizer stuff. I wish I had.

But, I’m back, sort of. Still on drugs but feeling immensely better and I have a smile on my face today.

So the next time you’re feeling poorly that you are struggling to fill the tank, give a thought to those paying even more than you are. It ain’t pretty.

Let’s hope the change in government will turn things around and the dollar will be stronger and that the oil situation will ease. My fingers are crossed.

I suggesed Eddy.. no, that wouldn’t do.

I suggested Curly.. no, that wouldn’t do.

He’s been home for 2 hours and I’m calling him dog and that won’t do!

He’s a cavoodle. That’s half cavalier king charles spaniel and half poodle. He’s got curly brown hair and a bit of white on his belly and on one foot. Here he is.. so what’s his name??

If you’re thinking, “Geez, don’t those people ever mow their lawn?” You’d be right. Mondays are mow days for me and it was pouring. It rained yesterday too. Today we went dog shopping, hence no mowing today. Hopefully we’ll get it mowed tomorrow so the poor puppy can walk across the lawn without bumping into tall grass and weeds. It’s all volcanic soil so when it rains you can hear the grass grow.

Well, this morning, as I was bent over the ditch on the side of the road reaching for a piece of plastic nearly out of my reach, this gorgeous hunk of a man walks up behind me and says, “Can I help?” If that had been you, you’d have smiled at him and said, “Yes, can you reach that piece of trash for me?”

What did I do?

I didn’t hear him coming and when he spoke the first word I jumped out of my skin, fell in the ditch and got covered in disgusting muddy goo. I’m probably known as “the old rubbish lady” to the neighborhood and I have no idea what this guy must think of me. There I sat with my ass half on pointy rocks and half in the mud. He apologized for frightening me and helped me up but that didn’t do much for my dignity.

That’s how my day started. Was yours any better?

Next, if you have pets, pencil in about a week to take them to this vet and that quarantine place and get all the paperwork ready AND take them on a 3 1/2 hour drive the day BEFORE you actually fly off so they can sit in their little crates overnight so they don’t miss their flight at 2pm. The dogs (2 jack russell terriers) were not impressed.

If you were beginning to feel sorry for me, don’t. I’m only moving from Australia to New Zealand. The dogs didn’t even need to be quarantined for an hour. Just pay the people a lot of money and they hand them over.

I do have a new language to learn but mostly it’s just changing around the way the vowels are pronounced. I listen to the radio and wonder if in six months I’ll be talking like that. Some lady said yesterday, “It was elicktrifying,” when talking about a performance. The vowel i sounds like a short u. The vowel e sounds like a short i. So six sounds like sux or even sex if you get someone with a heavy accent. The shopping carts are called trundlers (I kid you not, there’s even a trundler park in the parking lot at the supermarket which is a car park.) They also use the word wee a lot. We took the dogs to the vet so their chips could be registered the morning after we arrived. The vet wanted “just a wee look.” A guy who reads the news on TV was going on a “wee holiday” — until the end of February! I probably have a lot of new words to learn as I get adjusted here.

Because there are no foxes here, chickens and ducks are in the local park by the dozens and happy picnickers feed them the leftovers. People who can’t take care of their chickens just leave them at the park. Some are quite beautiful. I have no idea who gets the eggs.

Tonight is Carols by Candlelight at the Old Stone Store and Kemp House – where the first English settlers landed in New Zealand. It’s right by the one lane bridge between where we live and town. I might have a wander down tonight in my shorts and sing Jingle Bells and White Christmas. Ok, it will remind me of my upbringing in Maine and my adulthood in Tennessee where it did get cold. After all the years I’ve been away, I still can’t get my head around Christmas with daylight savings. Christmas should be cold and dark at 5:30 and dinner should be turkey or ham or duck – not cold seafood because it’s too bloody hot to cook.

So what does this have to do with feeling flirty? A lot! Put NOT in front of it and that’s how I feel after moving and cleaning and putting things away. I think I felt sexier having a root canal than I have this week. The good news is that it’s all over and I’ll sing those carols tonight and think of all you lucky people in the cold and dark eating roasted food.

C-String has a flexible internal frame that hugs and holds it to the body both securely and comfortably. Your modesty remains safely covered at all times.

At the front it looks like sexy underwear, to the rear it has a thong-style strip, and to the sides it has nothing at all!

Out and about: the C-String can be worn under all your favourite clothes: dresses, skirts, jeans

On the beach: the C-String can be worn alone as beachwear for the perfect all-round tan. Forget the bikini the C-Kini is where it’s at!

In the bedroom: the C-String is ultra-sexy lingerie!

Ok back to me. In case you thought I was trying to sell these – I’m not. This isn’t an affiliate link. I put this here so I could say…

What is wrong with you women?? Surely you don’t need to wear a cloth covered paperclip over your pink bits. If lines are so bad and so important to eliminate – why wear panties at all? Don’t say it’s “for protection” cause that thing wouldn’t protect you from a light breeze.

I’m all for innovation and new products but something like this is just plain silly. Go ahead, flame me, I’m old, I can take it.