Someone asked me this week if I thought she remained dateless because she wasn’t as attractive as other women on the site or if I thought she should lose weight or if I thought she had a crappy personality – a whole laundry list of questions. I told her that after reading her blog posts I thought she was afraid of a relationship. She seemed to find fault with nearly every man who contacted her and she appears to be looking for Mr. Perfect before she’d consider going on a date. I wonder sometimes if a person like that is really looking for a relationship because it’s what they really want or it’s something they think they should have because all their friends have one.

I truly believe there is someone for everyone who wants one and that we don’t need perfection in order to be happy. I’d be afraid to be with someone who was perfect – imagine how badly I’d compare.

We are all different. We look different, we talk with different accents (or languages), we have varying talents and gifts and we all have areas in which we struggle. The important thing is to find someone who best meets our needs and treats us with respect. Your needs could be to be with someone attractive or someone intelligent or someone with a huge dick or someone with tiny breasts or someone with a witty personality or someone who loves being a nudist – as many traits as I could come up with, there would be someone who could meet that need. Don’t give up!

I read an article the other day about a woman who believes that people in relationships should consider “contractual infidelity.” She went on about how a couple could discuss having sex with another partner and what the rules were. In her mind, sexual intercourse (hereafter called fucking) wasn’t a problem for her or her husband but spooning afterward was in the forbidden list. I suppose she’s saying that recreational sex is okay but if there is any emotional connection between her husband and another woman, then she’d be mightily pissed off.

My mind kept saying, “Get real, woman!” Unless we could write a contract between us as a couple that said you can fuck but not talk and you couldn’t fuck the same one twice because then there might be an emotional tie, it would be unworkable. Human nature does have a part to play in this sex business. The woman needs to realize that the way she met her husband and eventually married him is the same way her husband is going to meet other women and she’s going to meet other men. Why wouldn’t natural instincts of caring and even love develop between them?

Don’t misunderstand, I believe that everyone deserves a great sex life and I also believe that we go through life once and to live it always hankering for passion, intimacy and plain old fucking is wrong. I think infidelity comes from lack of attention, approval or sex-using another person to fill the inner emptiness and take away the inner loneliness. Lack of sexual satisfaction in the context of marriage is one reason why partners cheat. I think couples should discuss what will happen if one partner’s sex drive takes a dump. Should the partner who still feels sexy be required to sort out sexuality with a good right hand or a BOB ? It’s time humans realized that one person might not be able to meet a person’s needs physically or emotionally.

Would you sign an infidelity contract with your husband or partner? Would you prefer that your partner talk about his or her physical or emotional needs not being met before they found someone else to help? I would.

Where does it disappear to? We hear it every day from men that their wives, partners or girlfriends have lost their sex drive and it’s causing distress in the relationship. We all know it’s true but what causes it? Several reasons and I’ve always said nobody should put up with it until everything has been done to change the situation. A life without expression of sexuality is a life not well lived.

There are millions of men on the internet looking for a woman who still enjoys passion and intimacy in her life so what’s happened to all these wives and girlfriends who no longer feel sexy? Far too few of them seek any help dealing with their lack of any sex drive whatsoever.

Psychological Reasons

Lack of confidence in themselves or living with a lot of stress are two of the biggest causes of low sex drive in women. Marriages that started out with a slender bride but since that day she’s gained 100 pounds often end up sexless because the woman is so ashamed of how she’s let her body go. She knows she’s overweight so telling her to lose weight so she’ll feel sexy is only going to add more guilt on top of how she feels already. Take a different approach. Take the time to remind her that it’s the sexy woman inside her that excites you so much. Help to build her confidence by not reminding her that her ass is the size of a volkswagen and then asking her for sex. She’s definitely not going to feel in the mood.

Physical Reasons

Did you know that women who walk at least 30 minutes a day or exercise 20 to 30 minutes a day have a higher sex drive than women who don’t get much exercise at all? If your sweetie goes from one chair to another and then to the bed, why not encourage her to walk with you every night or join a gym together. Not only will you both feel better but you’ll get more sex.

The Pill

I was a young woman when the pill was introduced. Knowing we couldn’t get pregnant was a real boost to the sex drive for me and my friends. However, it also turned out that when we were on the pill all those fake hormone levels removed that peak sex drive boost we were all accustomed to during ovulation. The pill is improving every year but it’s still causing problems for some women.

Prescription Drugs

Most all drugs have side effects and a common one is reduced sex drive. Most blood pressure drugs kill a woman’s sex drive – so if a woman is on one (or two) that seem to leave her sexless, she should try another drug to see if she can control the hypertension and still have a good sex life. Antidepressants, antihistamines and many other drugs alter a woman’s sexuality. The good news is there are different drugs for nearly everything and if one type lowers your libido – try another.

Women who no longer feel sexy also feel really guilty about it even if they don’t say anything. If you’ve got a woman like this, complaining, arguing or getting angry isn’t going to help. The woman needs understanding and encouragement to seek help for the situation. It’s not normal not to feel sexy some of the time.

Some men never need any help getting their motors revving but really only the stereotypical male is that way. Most men I’ve ever known love it when a woman comes on to them. So what are some tips for you to entice your man?

1. Let him watch you undress. Make sure you’re dressed in some pretty sexy duds and then slowly undress yourself while he’s watching. Run your hands over your body as you uncover each bit – it lets him know that you love your body around he does. You’ll drive him nuts

2. Turn on some music that turns you on and then grab him and hold him tightly. If he’s a dancer, dance around the room but always keep your pelvic areas touching. If he’s not a dancer, stand in one spot and sway – the result will be the same.

3. Prepare him hours beforehand by sending him a text message that says, “Thinking about you right now and I wish I could have you naked, right here, right now.” Or you’ll just be send, “I’ve just showered, I’m naked and all sweet smelling and the only thing missing is you.”

4. Take him shopping for underwear and tell him that you’ll wear whatever he buys provided that it’s comfortable. It will be a very arousing hour or so. When you get home, model your purchases for him.

5. Put a note in his pocket before he leaves for work that says, “Dinner at 7, sex at 8 – don’t be late.” I can almost guarantee that he won’t be late for dinner.

6. When you go out for a romantic dinner, lean over and whisper you have no panties on and wait for him to figure out how to reach up there and find out. He’ll think this is really sexy and you’ve done it just for him.

7. Whisper in his ear and gently nibble and lick his ear while you tell him how sexy you think he is or how good he looks to you right that moment. It will send shivers all over him.

8. If he’s not paying close enough attention to you. Stand up and begin taking your clothes off as you go to the bedroom.. leaving a trail of clothes for him to follow. When he gets to the bedroom he’ll find you naked and waiting.

Have you got foreplay ideas that meet your needs when you want to get your man in the mood? If you’re a guy, what does your partner do for you that will give average folks some ideas?

Unless you’re a swinger, how did you learn sexual technique and etiquette? From a porn movie or 100 perhaps?

I thought so. Me too.

With nearly everything else in life, there’s a handbook to tell you how to be really good at things but with sex, you’re pretty much on your own — except for those videos. I think porn videos have a lot to answer for in the way they portray women and real sex.

For instance:

* All women must be fine as hell and not older than 19. OK, 20 but then they’re MILFs.
* They must have platinum blond hair and fake boobs (over the size of DD).
* Women are all either bi or lesbian.
* Lingerie is simply not sexy and must be removed as quickly as possible.
* As soon as any sexual activity starts every shred of clothing (remember, lingerie is not sexy) must be removed. Ok, one exception — high heels must be worn throughout the entire sexual experience.
* All men must sport a mustache or marines haircut and leave their socks on especially during the good bits.
* If there is a black male involved he will be hung like a horse.
* Upon orgasm, men must ejaculate at least 27 pints
* Extremely beautiful women really want to have sex with a 67 year old man
* During sex a woman must maintain a word to swear ratio of at least 1:17 respectively
* Only overweight men who also have a severe case of gut overhang like to have sex
* Women must always moan from pleasure while giving another man oral sex.
* Women usually apologize to a man by giving him a blowjob.
* All women can have an orgasm by just taking off their clothes.
* One sexual position or act is not good enough. Four different positions in a couple of minutes is what EVERYONE else does
* Men are never impotent.
* When performing oral sex on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
* Women who get caught masturbating by a strange man will not scream with embarrassment; instead she will insist he have sex with her.
* Women are indifferent as to where a man’s ejaculate lands
* Women always moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
* Women always orgasm when men do.
* Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they orgasm.
* Women always make Oooohhh Ahhhhh noises when they have sex.
* Asian men don’t exist, but their chicks are HOT!
* Nurses tend to give blow jobs as an exam method.
* Nuns are always wild and eager for sex.
* Children do not exist
* Women never have headaches… or periods.
* Women always look pleasantly surprised when they unzip a man’s fly and find a penis there.
* Every woman on the planet is bi
* Pubic hair is just a myth.
* If you offer them enough money, all women are willing to have sex with you
* There are no such things as natural finger nails.
* The man always decides on the position, no objections.

Real people have real sex. Women have periods. Some women do not want to be spanked. Some couples can have sex without swearing. Some women don’t have sex with everyone who comes to the door. If you’ve been treating your sex life like you see in a porno movie, it’s time for a re-think.