Have you ever been so busy with life or just plain too tired and you just don’t feel sexy? I’m not sure about men but I think I can speak for a lot of women who work a stressful job, have kids and a house to take care of and at the end of a long day, sex is not on their minds. Sleep is.

So how do we go about boosting our sex appeal and desire? Here are a few ways.

1. Find the one thing about your body that you think is really sexy. We’ve all got something that we think is top of the line when it comes to sexy and alluring. Ladies, maybe you have a gorgeous head of hair or beautiful legs or a well endowed bosom. Guys, it might be a great set of biceps or a tight ass. Ask any stripper and she’ll tell you that feeling good about even one part of your body sends off a confident, sexy vibe to your partner.

2. Be mysterious when it comes to foreplay. Sure, your partner has seen every part of your body but just this once, pretend it’s the first time. Don’t rip off your gear and wait for the action but slowly and teasingly wait for your lover to beg to see more of you. Plan how you’ll disrobe ahead of time because the fantasy of it will keep you in a heightened state of sexual tension.

3. Get some exercise. I know we all hate to exercise but remember that high you got the last time you wore yourself out? That was the endorphins kicking in giving you a natural high. You’ll feel good about your body. When you feel good about your body, you’ll feel more confident when you have sex.

4. Visit the toy store. Either in person or online, check out the toys you can use to jazz up your next encounter. Whether it’s a pair of handcuffs, a feather boa, a vibrator or any number of things from the store, you’ll feel sexy twice. Once when you buy it and again when you use it. If you haven’t used toys before, play with one ahead of time. Learn what makes you feel sexy and how you can use the toy to turn yourself on. Then later, pass this information on to your lover.

5. Pamper yourself. Whether you’re a man or woman, pampering just feels good. It validates that you’re worth a soak in the tub, a buff of the fingernails, lotion on your body or whatever you do that makes you feel good about your body.

What’s really important is that you’ll be taking some time away from “work” and “chores” to put yourself first. None of us do that enough because we’re always busy doing things for other people. If you want a great sex life, put yourself first — even if it’s only a bit of time — every day.

Does sex sometimes lose its excitement when sex becomes same old repetition? This is one of the biggest complaints amongst my friends; that sex isn’t exciting any more. Sure, most have been married more than 25 years to the same man but they all realize that they are as much to blame for the situation as their husband or partner.

There was one woman recently said that after so many years she’d lost the art of the tease. I asked her to explain what she meant by that and here’s how I interpreted what she had to say.

Back when we were young and madly in love I would spend time before every date coming up with different ways to turn him on. I would come up with jokes or sexy lingerie or costumes just to give him a jolt in the wedding tackle. It worked every time too. Sometimes it would only be that I said I wasn’t wearing panties or we’d undress and I’d be standing there with pasties over my nipples. I got pretty good at twirling the tassels.

Being young I had a great sense of my own body. I was on the slender side, fit and proud of the way I looked naked. Now that I’m well over 50 and gravity has dropped most bits from my chin on down I don’t feel that confident. My husband tells me that I’m just as desirable as I ever was but you know, I just don’t feel it inside. I wish I was tight everywhere instead of floppy. Who likes floppy tits? My self esteem isn’t rock bottom but it’s certainly headed there.

I was quite surprised at this because to me she’s really attractive, seems really confident and always has a smile and a kind word for everyone. I told her we needed to work together to come up with a way to get her inner tease back in working shape. We talked about it and we came up with a few things we should try. (I don’t think I ever got the art of tease fully working but I was keen to try.)

1. Morning reverse strip tease. Yeah, I know you’re thinking reverse isn’t quite as exciting but remember we’re talking about teasing and that doesn’t always result in instant sex. The idea is for the sexual tension to simmer all day. So after your shower, make sure that you catch his attention as you turn away from him and bend over to slowly pull up your panties. Then face him and slowly and carefully place your breasts in your bra. Get in a bit of eye contact and have the mindset that sends off the message, “I’m hot and you know you want me.”
2. Call him at work. Don’t say anything other than, “I forgot to tell you when I was watching you get dressed, you have the best ass on any man in town.” Then say I love you and hang up. The simmering sexual tension will rise to a slow boil.
3. Be silent. Guys always make the stereotypical comment that women talk too much so work on that premise. When you’re alone and if you have kids they’re in bed, tell him that you don’t want any words. Every communication must be with touch.

That’s all we came up with so far but I was waiting for her to suggest burlesque fans and costumes. Maybe next time.

Where does it disappear to? We hear it every day from men that their wives, partners or girlfriends have lost their sex drive and it’s causing distress in the relationship. We all know it’s true but what causes it? Several reasons and I’ve always said nobody should put up with it until everything has been done to change the situation. A life without expression of sexuality is a life not well lived.

There are millions of men on the internet looking for a woman who still enjoys passion and intimacy in her life so what’s happened to all these wives and girlfriends who no longer feel sexy? Far too few of them seek any help dealing with their lack of any sex drive whatsoever.

Psychological Reasons

Lack of confidence in themselves or living with a lot of stress are two of the biggest causes of low sex drive in women. Marriages that started out with a slender bride but since that day she’s gained 100 pounds often end up sexless because the woman is so ashamed of how she’s let her body go. She knows she’s overweight so telling her to lose weight so she’ll feel sexy is only going to add more guilt on top of how she feels already. Take a different approach. Take the time to remind her that it’s the sexy woman inside her that excites you so much. Help to build her confidence by not reminding her that her ass is the size of a volkswagen and then asking her for sex. She’s definitely not going to feel in the mood.

Physical Reasons

Did you know that women who walk at least 30 minutes a day or exercise 20 to 30 minutes a day have a higher sex drive than women who don’t get much exercise at all? If your sweetie goes from one chair to another and then to the bed, why not encourage her to walk with you every night or join a gym together. Not only will you both feel better but you’ll get more sex.

The Pill

I was a young woman when the pill was introduced. Knowing we couldn’t get pregnant was a real boost to the sex drive for me and my friends. However, it also turned out that when we were on the pill all those fake hormone levels removed that peak sex drive boost we were all accustomed to during ovulation. The pill is improving every year but it’s still causing problems for some women.

Prescription Drugs

Most all drugs have side effects and a common one is reduced sex drive. Most blood pressure drugs kill a woman’s sex drive – so if a woman is on one (or two) that seem to leave her sexless, she should try another drug to see if she can control the hypertension and still have a good sex life. Antidepressants, antihistamines and many other drugs alter a woman’s sexuality. The good news is there are different drugs for nearly everything and if one type lowers your libido – try another.

Women who no longer feel sexy also feel really guilty about it even if they don’t say anything. If you’ve got a woman like this, complaining, arguing or getting angry isn’t going to help. The woman needs understanding and encouragement to seek help for the situation. It’s not normal not to feel sexy some of the time.

Some men never need any help getting their motors revving but really only the stereotypical male is that way. Most men I’ve ever known love it when a woman comes on to them. So what are some tips for you to entice your man?

1. Let him watch you undress. Make sure you’re dressed in some pretty sexy duds and then slowly undress yourself while he’s watching. Run your hands over your body as you uncover each bit – it lets him know that you love your body around he does. You’ll drive him nuts

2. Turn on some music that turns you on and then grab him and hold him tightly. If he’s a dancer, dance around the room but always keep your pelvic areas touching. If he’s not a dancer, stand in one spot and sway – the result will be the same.

3. Prepare him hours beforehand by sending him a text message that says, “Thinking about you right now and I wish I could have you naked, right here, right now.” Or you’ll just be send, “I’ve just showered, I’m naked and all sweet smelling and the only thing missing is you.”

4. Take him shopping for underwear and tell him that you’ll wear whatever he buys provided that it’s comfortable. It will be a very arousing hour or so. When you get home, model your purchases for him.

5. Put a note in his pocket before he leaves for work that says, “Dinner at 7, sex at 8 – don’t be late.” I can almost guarantee that he won’t be late for dinner.

6. When you go out for a romantic dinner, lean over and whisper you have no panties on and wait for him to figure out how to reach up there and find out. He’ll think this is really sexy and you’ve done it just for him.

7. Whisper in his ear and gently nibble and lick his ear while you tell him how sexy you think he is or how good he looks to you right that moment. It will send shivers all over him.

8. If he’s not paying close enough attention to you. Stand up and begin taking your clothes off as you go to the bedroom.. leaving a trail of clothes for him to follow. When he gets to the bedroom he’ll find you naked and waiting.

Have you got foreplay ideas that meet your needs when you want to get your man in the mood? If you’re a guy, what does your partner do for you that will give average folks some ideas?