Seriously, everyone has sex. If we humans don’t have sex, our species will become extinct. We are hard wired from our manufacturer to need to have sex. We want sex. Many of us want a lot of sex. We enjoy it and that’s so we’ll continue to want to do it. Like food, water and shelter, sex is a necessary part of our lives. If any one of these needs is not met, our entire species is at risk.

Sadly, our religious instruction leads us to believe that sex is bad. Well, to those people I say you to that if God is perfect, nothing he creates is bad. The God I listen to wants us to live joyful lives and that includes sex. You don’t see any of God’s other animals hiding to have sex. They’re out there and they’re proud!

We can find magazines about food in every grocery store aisle in the country. There are magazines about houses and apartments everywhere. We assume that when we turn on the tap that clean water will flow out automatically.

Where do we get our sexual information? Magazines under the counter or in special shops where the windows are covered. I know I’m going out on a limb here – but I have to ask, why is sex considered bad by so many people? Why is it fine and dandy for kids to watch tv shows where people get shot and killed with blood and guts everywhere but even a mild sex scene in a show ends up with an x-rating? No problems advertising products on tv for constipation, menstruation, erectile disfunction or diarrhea so it doesn’t seem that the bodily function is the problem.

So why do we do we single out sex as something that should be treated with shame, guilt or secrecy?

Have we all bought — hook, line and sinker — all the rhetoric we’ve been fed by organized religion or the social mythology of generations who’ve gone before us? If it’s that simple, surely we can shed the shame with the same logic that has helped us realize 76 virgins are not waiting for in heaven for everyone who blows up a building.

Maybe there’s more to it. Maybe it’s that sex, unlike food and shelter, can’t really be done alone. Sure, you can masturbate, but that’s not *real* sex, is it? That’s an orgasm to be sure but is it really sex? Sex is something we do with another person who wants to have sex with us. Maybe if we want to have sex with someone and they don’t want to have sex with us – then it gets personal. This too seems weird to me.

I haven’t talked with anyone at SexyAds over the past 15 years that we’ve been online who has said, “Nah, I don’t like sex, I’m just here for the chat.” Most of us wish we were having more sex than we are. It won’t kill us not to have sex but like when we’re hungry and don’t have food – it’s all we think about. Sex is good for our bodies and our minds. Research shows that sex helps with our overall health and can reduce stress which can be life threatening.

People who insist that sex be hidden away and be an item of shame – what are they afraid of? It has to be fear of having the light turned on in an area they are uncomfortable with. Aren’t we developed enough to move from this fear?

Honestly, I don’t look forward to hearing the details of people’s sex lives at every party I attend. However, I don’t want to hear how gluten gives people diarrhea, or how no knead bread is our future. I’d love to see a world where everyone understands that sex is natural and everyone does it in more or less the same ways.

Psychological Reasons

Women with a lack of confidence in themselves or women who are under a lot of stress are two of the biggest causes of low sex drive in women. Marriages that started out with a slender bride but since that day she’s gained 100 pounds often end up sexless because the woman is so ashamed of how she’s let her body go. Take the time to remind her that it’s the sexy woman inside her that excites you so much. Help to build her confidence by not reminding her that her ass is the size of a volkswagen and then asking her for sex.

Physical Reasons

A lot of women suffer a lack of libido as they get older. The old hormone thing kicks in and lots of things change for a woman. It doesn’t have to be this way. I would think a woman would discuss her lack of libido with her doctor in the same way she’d talk to her doctor about painful sex. A lot of women say they really wish they wanted more sex. Seriously. They just can’t get the desire thing going. Again, talk to your doctor. You won’t be the first to ask this question.

Did you know that women who walk at least 30 minutes a day have a higher sex drive than women who don’t get much exercise? If your lover doesn’t exercise at all, why not encourage her to walk with you every night or join a gym together.

The Pill

As a woman who was around when the pill was introduced, knowing we couldn’t get pregnant was a real boost to the sex drive for me and my friends. It also turned out that when we were on the pill all those fake hormone levels removed that peak sex drive boost we were all accustomed to during ovulation. The pill is improving every year but it’s still causing problems for some women.

Prescription Drugs

Most all drugs have side effects and a common one is reduced sex drive. Most blood pressure drugs kill a woman’s sex drive – so if a woman is on one (or two) that seem to leave her sexless, she should try another drug to see if she can control the hypertension and still have a sex life. Antidepressants, antihistamines and many other drugs alter a woman’s sexuality. The good news is there are different drugs for nearly everything and if one type lowers your libido – try another.

Women who no longer feel sexy also feel really guilty about it even if they don’t say anything. If you’ve got a woman like this, complaining, arguing or getting angry isn’t going to help. The woman needs understanding and encouragement to seek help for the situation. It’s not normal not to feel sexy at least some of the time.

We’re all in a jolly mood with all the parties and gift giving and receiving and when we’re in a jolly mood we get horny. At least I do. Also, there is the Thanksgiving long weekend and all then all the days off at Christmas giving us a mini-vacation. Sometimes just a reduction in the stress gives us more oomph for outside the job.

Do you have more sex during the festive season?

So what happens after the orgasm are over? Turn over and go to sleep? Say it ain’t so! For someone to turn over immediately after sex sends the wrong message. It can leave us feeling like little more than a blow-up doll or prostitute and it’s not just women who feel this way.

Make sure your lover doesn’t ever feel empty after sex by giving a bit of a cuddle. You don’t need to discuss “the relationship” nor do you need to say much of anything. You could talk about trying that new position that you’ve been thinking about for next time. It will give your lover some time to get used to the idea and get turned on by it.

Some people really want a shower after sex. It’s OK – but grab your lover and head to the shower together. It’s a good time to built intimacy. If you are completely spent after sex, you could put on some sexy music before sex and cuddle and listen to it as you fall asleep together. In a long term relationship, the more you look at lovemaking as more than penis vagina intercourse, the more sex you’ll get.

In its place, Penguin Books will publish a text-only version sometime in 2011 in a pocket sized handbook. They describe it as a classy manual covering love and relationships.

A Penguin representative says this is a more accurate, authentic version of the original texts and comes without all the pornography and presenting it as a “modern and savvy guide on how to live well.”

Personally, I’ll miss all the illustrations on how to have sex like a pretzel.

So how do we go about boosting our sex appeal and desire? Here are a few ways.

1. Find the one thing about your body that you think is really sexy. We’ve all got something that we think is top of the line when it comes to sexy and alluring. Ladies, maybe you have a gorgeous head of hair or beautiful legs or a well endowed bosom. Guys, it might be a great set of biceps or a tight ass. Ask any stripper and she’ll tell you that feeling good about even one part of your body sends off a confident, sexy vibe to your partner.

2. Be mysterious when it comes to foreplay. Sure, your partner has seen every part of your body but just this once, pretend it’s the first time. Don’t rip off your gear and wait for the action but slowly and teasingly wait for your lover to beg to see more of you. Plan how you’ll disrobe ahead of time because the fantasy of it will keep you in a heightened state of sexual tension.

3. Get some exercise. I know we all hate to exercise but remember that high you got the last time you wore yourself out? That was the endorphins kicking in giving you a natural high. You’ll feel good about your body. When you feel good about your body, you’ll feel more confident when you have sex.

4. Visit the toy store. Either in person or online, check out the toys you can use to jazz up your next encounter. Whether it’s a pair of handcuffs, a feather boa, a vibrator or any number of things from the store, you’ll feel sexy twice. Once when you buy it and again when you use it. If you haven’t used toys before, play with one ahead of time. Learn what makes you feel sexy and how you can use the toy to turn yourself on. Then later, pass this information on to your lover.

5. Pamper yourself. Whether you’re a man or woman, pampering just feels good. It validates that you’re worth a soak in the tub, a buff of the fingernails, lotion on your body or whatever you do that makes you feel good about your body.

What’s really important is that you’ll be taking some time away from “work” and “chores” to put yourself first. None of us do that enough because we’re always busy doing things for other people. If you want a great sex life, put yourself first — even if it’s only a bit of time — every day.

There was one woman recently said that after so many years she’d lost the art of the tease. I asked her to explain what she meant by that and here’s how I interpreted what she had to say.

Back when we were young and madly in love I would spend time before every date coming up with different ways to turn him on. I would come up with jokes or sexy lingerie or costumes just to give him a jolt in the wedding tackle. It worked every time too. Sometimes it would only be that I said I wasn’t wearing panties or we’d undress and I’d be standing there with pasties over my nipples. I got pretty good at twirling the tassels.

Being young I had a great sense of my own body. I was on the slender side, fit and proud of the way I looked naked. Now that I’m well over 50 and gravity has dropped most bits from my chin on down I don’t feel that confident. My husband tells me that I’m just as desirable as I ever was but you know, I just don’t feel it inside. I wish I was tight everywhere instead of floppy. Who likes floppy tits? My self esteem isn’t rock bottom but it’s certainly headed there.

I was quite surprised at this because to me she’s really attractive, seems really confident and always has a smile and a kind word for everyone. I told her we needed to work together to come up with a way to get her inner tease back in working shape. We talked about it and we came up with a few things we should try. (I don’t think I ever got the art of tease fully working but I was keen to try.)

1. Morning reverse strip tease. Yeah, I know you’re thinking reverse isn’t quite as exciting but remember we’re talking about teasing and that doesn’t always result in instant sex. The idea is for the sexual tension to simmer all day. So after your shower, make sure that you catch his attention as you turn away from him and bend over to slowly pull up your panties. Then face him and slowly and carefully place your breasts in your bra. Get in a bit of eye contact and have the mindset that sends off the message, “I’m hot and you know you want me.”
2. Call him at work. Don’t say anything other than, “I forgot to tell you when I was watching you get dressed, you have the best ass on any man in town.” Then say I love you and hang up. The simmering sexual tension will rise to a slow boil.
3. Be silent. Guys always make the stereotypical comment that women talk too much so work on that premise. When you’re alone and if you have kids they’re in bed, tell him that you don’t want any words. Every communication must be with touch.

That’s all we came up with so far but I was waiting for her to suggest burlesque fans and costumes. Maybe next time.

There are millions of men on the internet looking for a woman who still enjoys passion and intimacy in her life so what’s happened to all these wives and girlfriends who no longer feel sexy? Far too few of them seek any help dealing with their lack of any sex drive whatsoever.

Psychological Reasons

Lack of confidence in themselves or living with a lot of stress are two of the biggest causes of low sex drive in women. Marriages that started out with a slender bride but since that day she’s gained 100 pounds often end up sexless because the woman is so ashamed of how she’s let her body go. She knows she’s overweight so telling her to lose weight so she’ll feel sexy is only going to add more guilt on top of how she feels already. Take a different approach. Take the time to remind her that it’s the sexy woman inside her that excites you so much. Help to build her confidence by not reminding her that her ass is the size of a volkswagen and then asking her for sex. She’s definitely not going to feel in the mood.

Physical Reasons

Did you know that women who walk at least 30 minutes a day or exercise 20 to 30 minutes a day have a higher sex drive than women who don’t get much exercise at all? If your sweetie goes from one chair to another and then to the bed, why not encourage her to walk with you every night or join a gym together. Not only will you both feel better but you’ll get more sex.

The Pill

I was a young woman when the pill was introduced. Knowing we couldn’t get pregnant was a real boost to the sex drive for me and my friends. However, it also turned out that when we were on the pill all those fake hormone levels removed that peak sex drive boost we were all accustomed to during ovulation. The pill is improving every year but it’s still causing problems for some women.

Prescription Drugs

Most all drugs have side effects and a common one is reduced sex drive. Most blood pressure drugs kill a woman’s sex drive – so if a woman is on one (or two) that seem to leave her sexless, she should try another drug to see if she can control the hypertension and still have a good sex life. Antidepressants, antihistamines and many other drugs alter a woman’s sexuality. The good news is there are different drugs for nearly everything and if one type lowers your libido – try another.

Women who no longer feel sexy also feel really guilty about it even if they don’t say anything. If you’ve got a woman like this, complaining, arguing or getting angry isn’t going to help. The woman needs understanding and encouragement to seek help for the situation. It’s not normal not to feel sexy some of the time.

1. Let him watch you undress. Make sure you’re dressed in some pretty sexy duds and then slowly undress yourself while he’s watching. Run your hands over your body as you uncover each bit – it lets him know that you love your body around he does. You’ll drive him nuts

2. Turn on some music that turns you on and then grab him and hold him tightly. If he’s a dancer, dance around the room but always keep your pelvic areas touching. If he’s not a dancer, stand in one spot and sway – the result will be the same.

3. Prepare him hours beforehand by sending him a text message that says, “Thinking about you right now and I wish I could have you naked, right here, right now.” Or you’ll just be send, “I’ve just showered, I’m naked and all sweet smelling and the only thing missing is you.”

4. Take him shopping for underwear and tell him that you’ll wear whatever he buys provided that it’s comfortable. It will be a very arousing hour or so. When you get home, model your purchases for him.

5. Put a note in his pocket before he leaves for work that says, “Dinner at 7, sex at 8 – don’t be late.” I can almost guarantee that he won’t be late for dinner.

6. When you go out for a romantic dinner, lean over and whisper you have no panties on and wait for him to figure out how to reach up there and find out. He’ll think this is really sexy and you’ve done it just for him.

7. Whisper in his ear and gently nibble and lick his ear while you tell him how sexy you think he is or how good he looks to you right that moment. It will send shivers all over him.

8. If he’s not paying close enough attention to you. Stand up and begin taking your clothes off as you go to the bedroom.. leaving a trail of clothes for him to follow. When he gets to the bedroom he’ll find you naked and waiting.

Have you got foreplay ideas that meet your needs when you want to get your man in the mood? If you’re a guy, what does your partner do for you that will give average folks some ideas?

There are many who would say that a woman’s sex drive slows to a splutter as soon as she has the ring on her finger, but is that really the case? I’m one who firmly thinks it’s not the case at all.

So what’s the reason she’s not jumping in the sack just like she did when they were dating? Probably a lot of reasons but what I hear most from the women who talk to me from the website are:

• He expects me to work a full-time job and do everything to keep the house running smoothly. His mother did it and I think he feels I should too. He works the same number of hours I do and he mows the lawn on Saturday morning. That’s it. He doesn’t do the washing, ironing, vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing, windows, shopping, cooking, dishes or the shopping for family gifts (even his own family). It’s always up to me. I do love him but I don’t like him much any more and I don’t find him at all sexy.
• He used to make me feel so special before we were married and now it’s only me leaving little notes, buying him surprises, making plans for a night out for the two of us. It’s like he’s a single man in a married household. He thinks nothing of stopping off at the bar for a few drinks and ending up there for the evening. I love him but I am resentful and I don’t feel sexy any more.
• I’m just too tired. I wish I had the energy he does but after working all day and taking care of the kids and the house and the cooking and cleaning, I’m dead on my feet. He works a demanding job that’s not a joke but I think he feels that marriage is getting a full time maid and prostitute for free.
• If he’d do a bit more to help out around here I’d have more time to feel sexy. He thinks that anything to do with the house is my job (although I work full time) and anything he does I should appreciate because he’s “helping me.”   Why are the household chores all labeled mine?  If I asked him to move out he’d want half of this house, you can be sure of that so he should at least clean up his half!
• Being married isn’t what I thought it would be like. I thought it would be like dating only better and it’s not. I don’t enjoy waiting on him. I keep saying to myself, when’s my turn?
• My husband hovers over me like a wet cloth. He wants to know where I am at all times and he isn’t happy if I don’t report in. Who’d find that sexy?

Of course these women were online looking for someone to flirt with and perhaps they were a bit angry or frustrated, but I think *some* men need to realize that a relationship is a partnership and a wife isn’t going to do everything his mother did and work full time. If he wants her to desire him like she used to, then he needs to create the same environment.

I know I’ll hear from a lot of men who say they do all the right things and she still isn’t interested and to them I say, you have a real problem and she or you as a couple need some professional help because things are not going to get better on their own.