Where does it disappear to? We hear it every day from men that their wives, partners or girlfriends have lost their sex drive and it’s causing distress in the relationship. We all know it’s true but what causes it? Several reasons and I’ve always said nobody should put up with it until everything has been done to change the situation. A life without expression of sexuality is a life not well lived.

There are millions of men on the internet looking for a woman who still enjoys passion and intimacy in her life so what’s happened to all these wives and girlfriends who no longer feel sexy? Far too few of them seek any help dealing with their lack of any sex drive whatsoever.

Psychological Reasons

Lack of confidence in themselves or living with a lot of stress are two of the biggest causes of low sex drive in women. Marriages that started out with a slender bride but since that day she’s gained 100 pounds often end up sexless because the woman is so ashamed of how she’s let her body go. She knows she’s overweight so telling her to lose weight so she’ll feel sexy is only going to add more guilt on top of how she feels already. Take a different approach. Take the time to remind her that it’s the sexy woman inside her that excites you so much. Help to build her confidence by not reminding her that her ass is the size of a volkswagen and then asking her for sex. She’s definitely not going to feel in the mood.

Physical Reasons

Did you know that women who walk at least 30 minutes a day or exercise 20 to 30 minutes a day have a higher sex drive than women who don’t get much exercise at all? If your sweetie goes from one chair to another and then to the bed, why not encourage her to walk with you every night or join a gym together. Not only will you both feel better but you’ll get more sex.

The Pill

I was a young woman when the pill was introduced. Knowing we couldn’t get pregnant was a real boost to the sex drive for me and my friends. However, it also turned out that when we were on the pill all those fake hormone levels removed that peak sex drive boost we were all accustomed to during ovulation. The pill is improving every year but it’s still causing problems for some women.

Prescription Drugs

Most all drugs have side effects and a common one is reduced sex drive. Most blood pressure drugs kill a woman’s sex drive – so if a woman is on one (or two) that seem to leave her sexless, she should try another drug to see if she can control the hypertension and still have a good sex life. Antidepressants, antihistamines and many other drugs alter a woman’s sexuality. The good news is there are different drugs for nearly everything and if one type lowers your libido – try another.

Women who no longer feel sexy also feel really guilty about it even if they don’t say anything. If you’ve got a woman like this, complaining, arguing or getting angry isn’t going to help. The woman needs understanding and encouragement to seek help for the situation. It’s not normal not to feel sexy some of the time.

Some men never need any help getting their motors revving but really only the stereotypical male is that way. Most men I’ve ever known love it when a woman comes on to them. So what are some tips for you to entice your man?

1. Let him watch you undress. Make sure you’re dressed in some pretty sexy duds and then slowly undress yourself while he’s watching. Run your hands over your body as you uncover each bit – it lets him know that you love your body around he does. You’ll drive him nuts

2. Turn on some music that turns you on and then grab him and hold him tightly. If he’s a dancer, dance around the room but always keep your pelvic areas touching. If he’s not a dancer, stand in one spot and sway – the result will be the same.

3. Prepare him hours beforehand by sending him a text message that says, “Thinking about you right now and I wish I could have you naked, right here, right now.” Or you’ll just be send, “I’ve just showered, I’m naked and all sweet smelling and the only thing missing is you.”

4. Take him shopping for underwear and tell him that you’ll wear whatever he buys provided that it’s comfortable. It will be a very arousing hour or so. When you get home, model your purchases for him.

5. Put a note in his pocket before he leaves for work that says, “Dinner at 7, sex at 8 – don’t be late.” I can almost guarantee that he won’t be late for dinner.

6. When you go out for a romantic dinner, lean over and whisper you have no panties on and wait for him to figure out how to reach up there and find out. He’ll think this is really sexy and you’ve done it just for him.

7. Whisper in his ear and gently nibble and lick his ear while you tell him how sexy you think he is or how good he looks to you right that moment. It will send shivers all over him.

8. If he’s not paying close enough attention to you. Stand up and begin taking your clothes off as you go to the bedroom.. leaving a trail of clothes for him to follow. When he gets to the bedroom he’ll find you naked and waiting.

Have you got foreplay ideas that meet your needs when you want to get your man in the mood? If you’re a guy, what does your partner do for you that will give average folks some ideas?

Why do YOU have sex? In a study last year by two doctors, Cindy Meston and David Buss, who identified 237 reasons adult Americans gave as the reasons they had sexual intercourse. The questionnaire began, “I have had sex in the past because…” and they were asked to assign a number 1 through 5 as the rating. 1 being not in my experience and 5 being all of my sexual experiences.

How many of these would you use as a reason why you have sex?

1. I was “in the heat of the moment.”
2. It just happened.
3. I was bored.
4. It just seemed like “the thing to do.”
5. Someone dared me.
6. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy).
7. I wanted to feel closer to God.
8. I wanted to gain acceptance from friends.
9. It’s exciting, adventurous.
10. I wanted to make up after a fight.
11. I wanted to get rid of aggression.
12. I was under the influence of drugs.
13. I wanted to try to get a better mate than my current mate.
14. I wanted to express my love for the person.
15. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
16. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
17. I felt like I owed it to the person.
18. I was attracted to the person.
19. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
20. My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.
21. It feels good.
22. My partner kept insisting.
23. The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her.
24. I was physically forced to.
25. I was verbally coerced into it.
26. I wanted the person to love me.
27. I wanted to have a child.
28. I wanted to make someone else jealous.
29. I wanted to have more sex than my friends.
30. I was married and you’re supposed to.
31. I was tired of being a virgin.
32. I was “horny.”
33. I wanted to feel loved.
34. I was feeling lonely.
35. Everyone else was having sex.
36. I wanted the attention.
37. It was easier to “go all the way” than to stop.
38. I wanted to ensure the relationship was “committed.”
39. I was competing with someone else to “get the person.”
40. I wanted to “gain control” of the person.
41. I was curious about what the person was like in bed.
42. I was curious about sex.
43. I wanted to feel attractive.
44. I wanted to please my partner.
45. I wanted to display submission.
46. I wanted to release anxiety/stress
47. I didn’t know how to say “no.”
48. I felt like it was my duty.
49. I wanted to end the relationship.
50. My friends pressured me into it.
51. I wanted the adventure/excitement.
52. I wanted the experience.
53. I felt obligated to.
54. It’s fun.
55. I wanted to get even with someone (i.e., revenge).
56. I wanted to be popular.
57. It would get me gifts.
58. I wanted to act out a fantasy.
59. I hadn’t had sex for a while.
60. The person was “available.”
61. I didn’t want to “lose” the person.
62. I thought it would help “trap” a new partner.
63. I wanted to capture someone else’s mate.
64. I felt sorry for the person.
65. I wanted to feel powerful.
66. I wanted to “possess” the person.
67. I wanted to release tension.
68. I wanted to feel good about myself.
69. I was slumming.
70. I felt rebellious.
71. I wanted to intensify my relationship.
72. It seemed like the natural next step in my relationship.
73. I wanted to be nice.
74. I wanted to feel connected to the person.
75. I wanted to feel young.
76. I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me.
77. I wanted him/her to stop bugging me about sex.
78. I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person.
79. I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself.
80. I didn’t want to disappoint the person.
81. I was trying to “get over” an earlier person/relationship.
82. I wanted to reaffirm my sexual orientation.
83. I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions.
84. I felt guilty.
85. My hormones were out of control.
86. It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.
87. It became a habit.
88. I wanted to keep my partner happy.
89. I had no self-control.
90. I wanted to communicate at a “deeper” level.
91. I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn’t have sex with him/her.
92. I was curious about my sexual abilities.
93. I wanted a “spiritual” experience.
94. It was just part of the relationship “routine.”
95. I wanted to lose my inhibitions.
96. I got “carried away.”
97. I needed another “notch on my belt.”
98. The person demanded that I have sex with him/her.
99. The opportunity presented itself.
100. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex while stoned (e.g., on marijuana or some other drug).
101. It’s considered “taboo” by society.
102. I wanted to increase the number of sex partners I had experienced.
103. The person was too “hot” (sexy) to resist.
104. I thought it would relax me.
105. I thought it would make me feel healthy.
106. I wanted to experiment with new experiences.
107. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with another person.
108. I thought it would help me to fall asleep.
109. I could brag to other people about my sexual experience.
110. It would allow me to “get sex out of my system” so that I could focus on other things.
111. I wanted to decrease my partner’s desire to have sex with someone else.
112. It would damage my reputation if I said “no.”
113. The other person was too physically attractive to resist.
114. I wanted to celebrate something.
115. I was seduced.
116. I wanted to make the person feel better about herself/himself.
117. I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex.
118. I wanted to see whether sex with a different partner would feel different or better.
119. I was mad at my partner, so I had sex with someone else.
120. I wanted to fulfill a previous promise to my partner.
121. It was expected of me.
122. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
123. I wanted the pure pleasure.
124. I wanted to dominate the other person.
125. I wanted to make a conquest.
126. I’m addicted to sex.
127. It was a favor to someone.
128. I wanted to be used or degraded.
129. Someone offered me money to do it.
130. I was drunk.
131. It seemed like good exercise.
132. I was pressured into doing it.
133. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.
134. I was frustrated and needed relief.
135. It was a romantic setting.
136. I felt insecure.
137. My regular partner is boring, so I had sex with someone else.
138. I was on the “rebound” from another relationship.
139. I wanted to boost my self-esteem
140. I wanted to get my partner to stay with me.
141. Because of a bet.
142. It was a special occasion.
143. It was the next step in the relationship.
144. I wanted to get a special favor from someone.
145. I wanted to get back at my partner for having cheated on me.
146. I wanted to enhance my reputation.
147. I wanted to keep warm.
148. I wanted to punish myself.
149. I wanted to break up a rival’s relationship by having sex with his/her partner.
150. I wanted to stop my partner’s nagging.
151. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
152. I wanted to brag to friends about my conquests.
153. I wanted to improve my sexual skills.
154. I wanted to get a job.
155. I wanted to get a raise.
156. I wanted to get a promotion.
157. I wanted to satisfy a compulsion.
158. I wanted to make money.
159. I wanted to keep my partner satisfied.
160. I wanted to change the topic of conversation.
161. I wanted to get out of doing something.
162. I wanted to test my compatibility with a new partner.
163. I wanted to get a partner to express love.
164. I wanted to put passion back into my relationship.
165. I wanted to prevent a breakup.
166. I wanted to become one with another person.
167. I wanted to get a favor from someone.
168. I wanted to breakup my relationship.
169. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease (e.g., herpes, AIDS).
170. I wanted to breakup another’s relationship.
171. I wanted to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
172. I wanted to make myself feel better about myself.
173. I wanted to get rid of a headache.
174. I was afraid to say “no” due to the possibility of physical harm.
175. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
176. I wanted to burn calories.
177. I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner.
178. I wanted to hurt an enemy.
179. I wanted to feel older.
180. It is my genetic imperative.
181. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.
182. I wanted to become more focused on work – sexual thoughts are distracting.
183. I wanted to say “I’ve missed you.”
184. I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion.
185. I wanted to say “I’m sorry.”
186. I wanted to return a favor.
187. I wanted to say “Thank You.”
188. I wanted to welcome someone home.
189. I wanted to say “goodbye.”
190. I wanted to defy my parents.
191. I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps.
192. I wanted to relieve “blue balls.”
193. I wanted to get the most out of life.
194. I wanted to feel feminine.
195. I wanted to feel masculine.
196. I am a sex addict.
197. I wanted to see what all the fuss is about.
198. I thought it would boost my social status.
199. The person had a lot of money.
200. The person’s physical appearance turned me on.
201. The person was a good dancer.
202. Someone had told me that this person was good in bed.
203. The person had beautiful eyes.
204. The person made me feel sexy.
205. An erotic movie had turned me on.
206. The person had taken me out to an expensive dinner.
207. The person was a good kisser.
208. The person had bought me jewelry.
209. The person had a great sense of humor.
210. The person seemed self-confident.
211. The person really desired me.
212. The person was really desired by others.
213. I wanted to gain access to that person’s friend.
214. I felt jealous.
215. The person flattered me.
216. I wanted to see if I could get the other person into bed.
217. The person had a desirable body.
218. I had not had sex in a long time.
219. The person smelled nice.
220. The person had an attractive face.
221. I saw the person naked and could not resist.
222. I was turned on by the sexual conversation.
223. The person was intelligent.
224. The person caressed me.
225. The person wore revealing clothes.
226. The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of him/her.
227. I knew the person was usually “out of my league.”
228. The person was mysterious.
229. I realized I was in love.
230. I wanted to forget about my problems.
231. I wanted to reproduce.
232. I/she was ovulating.
233. I wanted my partner to notice me.
234. I wanted to help my partner forget about his/her problems.
235. I wanted to lift my partner’s spirits.
236. I wanted to submit to my partner.
237. I wanted to make my partner feel powerful.

I think it’s a fascinating read. Some of these reasons people have sex are frankly off the planet. There are a few predatory reasons that make me feel uncomfortable and a few that make me feel that all’s right with the world.

I’d never really thought about why I had sex. I just had sex. Now will I always think about this list every time I have sex? Only time will tell.

Unless you’re a swinger, how did you learn sexual technique and etiquette? From a porn movie or 100 perhaps?

I thought so. Me too.

With nearly everything else in life, there’s a handbook to tell you how to be really good at things but with sex, you’re pretty much on your own — except for those videos. I think porn videos have a lot to answer for in the way they portray women and real sex.

For instance:

* All women must be fine as hell and not older than 19. OK, 20 but then they’re MILFs.
* They must have platinum blond hair and fake boobs (over the size of DD).
* Women are all either bi or lesbian.
* Lingerie is simply not sexy and must be removed as quickly as possible.
* As soon as any sexual activity starts every shred of clothing (remember, lingerie is not sexy) must be removed. Ok, one exception — high heels must be worn throughout the entire sexual experience.
* All men must sport a mustache or marines haircut and leave their socks on especially during the good bits.
* If there is a black male involved he will be hung like a horse.
* Upon orgasm, men must ejaculate at least 27 pints
* Extremely beautiful women really want to have sex with a 67 year old man
* During sex a woman must maintain a word to swear ratio of at least 1:17 respectively
* Only overweight men who also have a severe case of gut overhang like to have sex
* Women must always moan from pleasure while giving another man oral sex.
* Women usually apologize to a man by giving him a blowjob.
* All women can have an orgasm by just taking off their clothes.
* One sexual position or act is not good enough. Four different positions in a couple of minutes is what EVERYONE else does
* Men are never impotent.
* When performing oral sex on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
* Women who get caught masturbating by a strange man will not scream with embarrassment; instead she will insist he have sex with her.
* Women are indifferent as to where a man’s ejaculate lands
* Women always moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
* Women always orgasm when men do.
* Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they orgasm.
* Women always make Oooohhh Ahhhhh noises when they have sex.
* Asian men don’t exist, but their chicks are HOT!
* Nurses tend to give blow jobs as an exam method.
* Nuns are always wild and eager for sex.
* Children do not exist
* Women never have headaches… or periods.
* Women always look pleasantly surprised when they unzip a man’s fly and find a penis there.
* Every woman on the planet is bi
* Pubic hair is just a myth.
* If you offer them enough money, all women are willing to have sex with you
* There are no such things as natural finger nails.
* The man always decides on the position, no objections.

Real people have real sex. Women have periods. Some women do not want to be spanked. Some couples can have sex without swearing. Some women don’t have sex with everyone who comes to the door. If you’ve been treating your sex life like you see in a porno movie, it’s time for a re-think.