We’re back. My birthday surprise was a flight to Auckland and a night on the harbour at the Westin hotel overlooking all the really spiffy sail and motor yachts.

It was devine. This photo was taken from my hotel room. We went shopping and my sweetie bought me a beautiful gold chain that I’ve had my eye on for a year or more and a bottle of nice perfume and a few other things best left to the imagination.

In the late afternoon we went for a long walk along the harbour and saw the most magnificent sailboat. Launched on the 13th of December, it’s just getting ready for its first sea trials. It’s being built for Guy Ullens, a very wealthy Belgian man.

The boat, the Red Dragon, is 52 metres long.. over 170′. One of the workers on the boat said the price tag was $50 million dollars! I can’t get my head around earning that kind of money.. not just yet anyway. If you have ideas, I’m all ears.

We also saw the boat Twizzle parked around the corner from the hotel. It’s a measly 182′ Feadship that has won all sorts of awards. My god, what a boat!

I know, I know, I should have taken photos but I was too busy drooling. In the photo up on the left, you can see the bow at the end of the walkway. Here’s a peek from the twizzle.org website.

You can charter Twizzle at $325,000 US dollars a week, but not til next year because it’s fully booked for this year. Holy cow!

Last night we had dinner at our favorite Thai restaurant Mai Thai and our meal was SO yummy. I wanted to walk back to the hotel but I forgot that the night before I had a little accident.

I’d come out of the bathroom and tripped over my sneakers and crashed into an open drawer and then took a header into the glass wall and I only ended up with a very purple and sore toe. My ring toe. So walking in heels wasn’t a good thing. I took my shoes off and decided I could spring for new stockings but even that was tough so we took a cab back.

Today we bought a new office chair for me. The one I have doesn’t have any oomph any more and I have to reach up to the keyboard. I’ll be glad when it’s delivered next week. I’ll tell you the rest of the story in another post.

Today is my birthday. Ok, so it means I’m “officially” old. The man I adore woke me up early and said, “Pack a bag and be ready by 9:30.”

So it’s 9:11am, I’m packed and ready to go but I have no idea where!

There are advantages to being old, it seems.

My mother always told me that the way to a man’s heart was a good meal and a clean house. That was SO yesterday. Today’s woman follows the path that leads directly to a man’s ego. She compliments him. The more sincere compliments she gives, the better he likes her.

When giving him a compliment, look into his eyes and smile when you say it. He’ll know you’re being honest about what you’re saying.

Which compliments mean the most? It’s different with most men but there are a few that seem to work with every man.

Compliment his looks, even if there are bits that aren’t quite perfect, find something that you really like about the way he looks.

“You have such great legs.”

“You look so hot in that shirt.”

When he does something for you, like carrying a computer or killing a bug, give him a compliment!

“Thanks, I could never have done that without you.”

“You’re my hero, I just hate bugs.”

If you need to make a decision about something, ask for his input. He’ll appreciate playing a part in the final choice.

“What do you think? I’d like your opinion.”

Finally, the best compliment you can give a man is this:

“I want you… right here… right now.”

Do you have little toothpaste and split splatters on your bathroom mirror every freakin morning? It’s like a teeny snow shower welcoming me nearly every morning.

In almost every respect, Mr. Flirty is perfect, but there’s this one niggly thing that drives me insane. Have I complained or nagged? No, I sit quietly and bitch to myself (and anyone else who will listen) about it. I figure this man has so few faults, how can I complain about something that only takes me a few moments to wipe off? I am convinced that I have heaps more bad habits than he does.

So how do you handle little issues like this in your relationship? Does the toilet seat position bother you? Does she never empty her ashtray often enough? Does he wait til the garbage is falling on the floor to take it out?

Now that I think about it a bit longer, there IS one more thing that bothers me. I know my man is not alone in this and I have no solution.

Why do so many men wait to be asked to do anything?

“Honey, all you had to do was ask and I’d have done that for you.”

When I hear that I want to smack him.

“Who asked ME to do it?” I snap back.

“Don’t get angry, I was just saying I would have done it if you’d asked.”

I know he would have done it if I’d have asked but why should I have to ask. If the garbage bin is full, you empty it. You don’t need to be asked. If you leave your clothes on the kitchen floor (maybe that’s too much information) then you should know that someone has to pick them up.

On this subject we have had many discussions. His final reply is always the same.

“I might not do things to suit you.”

Uh huh. Taking out the trash is not rocket science. Nor is making a bed or emptying the dishwasher. Buying linen is a different thing - I’ll do that.

Did I say he was perfect and I complain like this? See my dilemma? Here’s a man who works hard, is always respectful, treats me as a complete equal, never tells me what to do, will do anything and go anywhere I want, never says a word about what I spend, AND he’s the sexiest man on the planet — I have no right to complain but maybe he could be perfecter.

I received this email from a woman who visited my blog.

We’re in our early 40s, and we’ve been married for a bit over seven years. I am a mother of two and our sex life is practically an annual event. Being a working mum, I am sapped, emotionally and physically, at night. Bed means sleep! My husband’s approaches are often clumsy - just a back-tap when I hit the pillow with exhaustion! I feel guilty rejecting him so many time. I want intimacy, but I need more than five minutes of sex. Help!

So I replied:

Maintaining a satisfying sex-life is like keeping physically fit — you have to be motivated, make time for it and be ready to forgive yourself and your husband fo any lapses or failures in your effort.

It is tough to have a busy job, cooking healthy meals for your family, making sure the kids are up with their school work, playing with your kids, getting the laundry done, the lawn mowed, the garbage out and so many other things that it would take a week to list here.

You’re very much time-poor and probably can’t imagine when you could fit in a yoga class, or a trip to the gym. Stop beating yourself up. What you’re going through, most everyone goes through.

If you don’t “make” time for yourself, your poor diet, lack of exercise and poor sex life will make you feel more tired than you are now. You risk a change in your weight and not having time to keep up your appearance and that all deads to depression and low self esteem. You don’t want to stay on this road.

When you take time for yourself, you’ll feel sexier. You’ll have more energy and you’ll look and feel more alive. I don’t think you’ll have much to worry about in the sex department because you’ll want it more. The way you are now is the same as a sedentary person who contemplates running 10 miles on a treadmill. It ain’t gonna happen in one go.

Start slowly and build on each success. Start talking to your husband. You’re more likely to succeed if you are tackling things together. Repeatedly being turned down for sex has probably bruised his ego — a lot. You say he’s clumsy, but he probably doesn’t know how to approach you in a manner that will be successful. He’s trying to keep himself from feeling hurt. If he doesn’t try too hard then he can blame himself and make excuses. If he does have a breakthrough, it probably becomes a five-minute bang because he’s been waiting a long long time.

Talk about how you both feel and really try to see things from his point of view. If you need help around the house so you can have some “me” time, he’ll get rewarded. You need help and he needs to feel loved. Sex makes him feel loved.

He needs to learn how to touch you in an affectionate, intimate way that doesn’t lead to instant sex. Spend time having fun together. You need to create a space where a sexual spark can kindle. Decide that you are going to have sex more often. It doesn’t have to be late at night or in the bedroom - be a little more spontaneous, and adventurous. Forget the past and move on. Remember that 1/2 of the problem is yours because you never required him to help you out more.

I think you have a great chance to save what appears to be a great relationship. Don’t forget that life is a journey with no destination. It’s all about what you do today and how you feel today.