We’re way past the year 2000 but does that mean that manners and respect are out the window? Is the anonymity of the Internet seeping into all aspects of our lives?

The reason I say this is because of an email I received this week from a woman who’d met a lovely guy through SexyAds and they’d been dating 1-2 times a week for a few months. She’d met his parents and his friends and most importantly for me, they’d been intimate on many occasions. It wasn’t a casual friendship. She went out of town on business for 3 days and came back and called him and he wasn’t at home. Ok, people go out and things come up and she expected to hear from him the following day. No call. She left a message on his answering machine. No call.

She never heard from him again.

He didn’t have the balls to say the relationship wasn’t working for him and he wanted to move on, so he just dropped off the planet. So she’s sitting back wondering if there was something she said, something she did or a past love had come back or he found someone new — she wanted closure and asked for my advice. It was simple for me to give.

“Put the bastard behind you and start answering emails from men who will be nice to you.”

This woman is university educated, has a great job and she’s good looking from the photo on her profile. She doesn’t need to feel second class because this guy didn’t have any class at all.

Would you end a relationship by disappearing? Of course you wouldn’t, but some are and it’s not good enough.

We all know someone, maybe even ourselves, who stick in shitty relationships for all sorts of weird reasons. They’re miserable, their kids are miserable and yet they stay like they’ve been nailed to the chair. They look awful and they often feel awful.

Two studies conducted recently by the University of Texas and University College in London show that sticking it out in an unhappy relationship can make you sick. The real kind of sick, not the “I’m sick of looking at you!” sick. The illnesses range from general unwell to heart disease and researchers are convinced that the stress at home is what’s doing the dirty to their bodies.

The research concludes that putting up with an unsatisfactory relationship may very well erode your health.

So if you are in an unhappy relationship or marriage, best you start talking out your problems or you risk a dodgy ticker. It turns out that the phrase “broken heart” is as physical as it is emotional.

Is it possible to let someone down softly? Can you reject someone you once loved without them feeling pain?

Actually.. no, you can’t. It’s gonna hurt them a lot, especially if they have very strong feelings for you.

Should you put it off hoping that their feelings will lessen over time?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

A guy said that to me the other day. He was going to hang around until she was ready to kick him out but he’d date new women on the side til he found someone new. At least he was getting a clean house, 3 meals and sex when he wanted it.

I nearly threw up.

How unfair is that? He’s moving on - definitely on the QT and she’s happily humming on thinking he’s committed to the relationship.

He’s a selfish, lazy coward. I’d feel the same way if a woman said she wouldn’t say anything for fear of losing her meal ticket.

What’s wrong with people like that?

Folks, if you are truly unhappy in a relationship, do the right thing. Treat your partner with respect for all the good times in the past. Think golden rule and you’ll understand what I mean. You’d want to know if the shoe was on the other foot. Sure it’s going to be painful but they’ll be able to move on and find someone who will love them just as they are. That person exists — someone exists for every one of us, I’m sure of it.

rant over

I received an email question today from a woman who has recently begun a relationship with someone she met on SexyAds.com. Here’s her edited email, and I’ve changed the nickname for her privacy:

When I met Sharky I thought all my Christmases came at once. He’s tall, dark and handsome, comes from a wealthy family and he’s got a great job as a partner in a law firm AND he lives less than 20 minutes from me. Who knew I’d get that lucky online.

We’ve been dating for a couple of months now and I’m head over heels for him and when we’re together I think he feels the same way. When we’re not together I have a huge case of jealousy and it’s not attractive.

Sharky has lots of women clients and more importantly a lot of single female friends. He likes to go out to lunch, golf and tennis with them and I keep thinking to myself, “He’s perfect and I want him so all you others stay away!” That’s not practical so I need some of your sage advice.

Ok, first of all, Sharky’s not a young man and he’s been single for quite a while according to his profile. If he had no single female friends, wouldn’t you wonder what he did with himself before he met you? It’s perfectly normal for him to have female friends and yes, he’s probably slept with some of them. Everyone’s got a past. He’s CHOSEN you and that is what should be important to you.

Do you have male friends? If you’re like me, you probably do. Is he jealous of the time you spend with them? I suspect not. He knows you’re a complete person on your own who had a life before he entered it.

Down the road, if there are occasions that are important to you that he be with you and he chooses to be with another woman, then you can get the fangs out. Don’t run around like a witchy hag wanting to know what he’s doing every moment. If you have that much time on your hands, get a hobby or volunteer some time to a homeless shelter, retirement home or hospice. You won’t have time to be jealous then.

You might find that you are constantly suspicious and jealous and if that happens you should consider whether it’s a good idea for you to pursue this relationship. Life is all about being happy, so don’t put yourself in a position where you’re often not happy.

I’m very happy you’ve found someone special and if you handle yourself right, he’ll fall right into your arms whenever you want him. Fuck up and you’re restarting your search, I’m afraid.

Ok, so you’ve been in a relationship for more years than you thought you’d live and one day you notice that weekends just happen. You decide on Saturday morning what you’re going to do. Maybe you’ll do laundry. Maybe you’ll mow the grass. Maybe you’ll run errands.

Remember the time in your life that you planned the weekend so you’d get all those chores done but you’d still have some time for fun? It seems that quite a few of our friends are in this boat too. By the time the chores are done, they’re just too tired to go out and have fun. We’ve packed so much into our lives that there’s little time for pure relaxation. What I like to call “think time.”

Starting early in the week, plan out your weekend so that you can spend some time to show the person you love above all others how special they are to you. Perhaps you could run the errands together and stop for a coffee at their favorite shop. After you mow the grass, maybe plant a shrub together. (For those of you with ass deep snow and couldn’t find grass to save your lives.. it’s summer where I am, gimme a break.)

What’s important is to include each other in your plans, whatever they are. Sure, we can’t spend every weekend out doing some exciting thing together, but we can make the time we do spend together memorable.