You wake up at 5:30am and dash to the computer to make sure you get a chance to say hi because you can’t wait all day to have a chat. The time difference means that you have to make changes in your lifestyle so you can catch up with your new sweetie at every opportunity. You’re madly in lust and thousands of miles apart – you live for the moments you’re together online.

We see this every day at SexyAds and we remember what it was like for us too. We were 10,000 miles apart and the time was really wacky. He would stay up half the night to chat with me and I’d get up at the buttcrack of dawn to make sure I talked with him in case he went to bed early. There was nothing we wouldn’t have done to make contact.

Are long distance relationships worth all that? Probably not for everyone. You have to put off the cuddles, kisses, hugs and more until you’re physically in the same space and some won’t do that. For us they were. WE knew there was something special about the other that we didn’t want to lose. So for those of you languishing in a bubble bath with your new love, we spent money on the phone and felt just as close. Because of the internet and phone, we never felt loneliness or despair. There was PLENTY of longing though. We kept saying we just wanted to touch and for the first week that’s all we did!

There does come a time where you sit on the threshold of an online sweetie and a commitment to a person a long distance away. Is this person worth all this effort? Is this person going to cheat on you? Is this person really who they say they are in the first place? We knew.. inside, we knew. The odds are not in favor of a long distance relationship (especially one of that distance) working out but we knew we’d beat those odds.

I’ll admit there were times that it seemed all too hard. The flat screen can make it difficult to tell when the other person is being sarcastic or funny and sometimes I’d hit the ceiling assuming he said something shitty when he meant nothing at all. There were the times when we were supposed to meet and he didn’t show – had he moved on? Was he looking for someone else? I would always realize that I trusted him and he’d show up. It doesn’t matter what kind of love you have – it’s not always easy. You might be arguing over which way the toilet paper should be hung or that you really hate broccoli and it seems to always be on the menu. People in a long distance relationship have different issues but the feelings you have are real – and this relationship can bring you joy.

I got an email from a guy yesterday and I felt really bad for him. He told me that he’d been in a relationship for more than 11 months and he really cared for her a lot. He was pretty sure she loved him but wished she’d show it more.

“Every night we watch tv and I rub her feet,” he said.

“I bring home a surprise for her several times a week and I’m always thinking of ways I can show her that I care,” so why doesn’t she reciprocate?

The sad fact is that she probably isn’t as much in love as he is. She might be seeing all the things he’s doing as smothering when he sees them as romantic gestures. It was tough to write to him and tell him that if she’s not in the relationship giving as much as she’s receiving, he’s wasting his time with this woman.

Why?

Because if he accepts this behavior from her, it’s only going to get worse and then he’s going to feel taken for granted and grow ever more resentful of her as time passes. I can’t know but my guess is that the first guy who comes along that brings out urges to show him that she cares – she’ll jump ship and leave this guy after all he’s done to build a relationship with her.

Being in a married relationship with children is one thing and that always brings special problems but if you aren’t married and have no children together, why be a doormat? I suggested that he dust himself off and confront her about his feelings and if he didn’t feel 100% confident that she was fully committed to him – it’s time to move on.

What would your advice have been?

Men certainly have a major flaw when it comes to dating women. They lie for many reasons to cover up the fact that men are men no matter race, religion or location. Women, however are partly to blame for men lying. If you ask any man why he didnt tell the truth he will most likely say he feared the reaction. The reaction of women is what I blame women for.

I know women value honesty very deeply, but in order to get men to be honest, women must be willing to be less reactionary and more understanding. For example, if the average man were to tell a woman about his prior sexual exploits she would undoubtedly be shocked and think he was some kind of pervert. Hence, men dont usually tell these things to women.

Typically women are known to be more understanding. In some cases women are indeed more understanding, but it all depends on what they are being told. Going further, while women tend to be reactionary when men tell them what they dont want to hear, they usually will accept these shocking revelations anyway because when women fall in love, they have a very difficult time letting go of men no matter what faults they find.

So ladies, you heard it here first (maybe). Dont be so judgemental and your man will be more honest.

Anyone who has broken up with someone they loved knows that in many cases you will still think about that person for a long time after you make the split. Sometimes you will think of the good times you had and if you made the right choice by going separate ways. In my experience breaking up has always been a blessing. I dont usually recognize that right away while Im still in the mourning phase of the breakup, but with time I realize that the split happened for a reason and what would prevent it from happening again should we get back together at some point.

If you were to sit down and take an inventory of the things that cause your breakup you would realize that getting back together would just bring back those old troubling scenarios. I know there were some good times you can point to, but good times can be had with someone new, however difficult it may be to envision that when youre single again after being with someone for so long.

Many of these so called relationship experts will emphasize the need to try and work out issues with your mate. While that is partially true, chances are slim they wont rise to the surface at some point in the future.

There are over six billion people in the world, thus giving single people no good reason to settle down with someone they have had issues with in the past. Every minute we spend remembering the old times with someone who treated us poorly is a minute wasted. Although I confess to doing a lot of that same thinking myself, I have learned that its very counterproductive to moving on and meeting someone new to share your life with.

My experience has led me to believe that when things go wrong they go wrong for a darn good reason. When I have tried to rekindle the flame things usually get stale very fast. I highly recommend giving getting back with your ex a second thought before you end up going back to a time in your life that you once had to wiggle out of and now must wiggle out of once again.

I get this question fairly often and every time I hear the story I cringe inside. My first reaction is always anger at someome who lies to make his or her life easier and to get what they want at the risk of hurting someone they says they love.

Once I feel the pressure sliding down my body I have to wonder what happened in the relationship that caused this lack of respect. It IS a lack of respect when someone tells a lie because they know the truth will make them look like the piece of crap that they are. It’s like, “I’m doing the wrong thing but I don’t want you to be disappointed or angry with me.” Yeah right, then don’t make promises with your mouth that your actions can’t back up. Just sayin…

What is it about people who make promises when they know right up front that they have no intention of keeping their promise but they will hold their partner to theirs. Just drives me nuts.

Folks, it’s tough when you love someone you cannot trust. It leaves you feeling insecure and trying to decide if you should stay or go. Too often we’ll look at the relationship as a whole and remember the charming person who swept us off our feet and who can be very loving – and ignore how bad we feel when we get lied to.

• Sometimes we stay because even if we feel really bad about ourselves we worry that being alone will hurt worse.
• Sometimes we stay because we think that ALL people lie and this one is no worse than someone new.
• Sometimes we stay because we think nobody new will want us.
• Sometimes we stay because we think this person needs us.
• Sometimes we believe we’re the cause of their misbehavior.
• Sometimes we stay because even though this has happened time and time again, we believe it when they say, “it will never happen again.”

Let me say that all of these reasons are crap.  Being lied to is not the price you must pay for being in a relationship with someone and not everyone will lie to you.  You will NEVER be responsible for anyone else’s behavior regardless what he or she says to the contrary.  We are all responsible for our own behavior and nobody can “make” you do anything – that’s just a sleazy excuse for abuse.

You found this person, didn’t you?  You’ll find another one the same way.  Being lied to tends to tarnish your sparkle a little bit but I promise that with a little dating practice you’ll polish up just fine.

As for why your liar creep keeps on lying?  Why should they change?  They’re in control, top dog and life is perfect just as it is.  They do as they please and then say, “oh, sorry about that,” and keep on keeping on.  You’re worth more.