Last week I received an email with a story from a SexyAds member in England who had chatted with a new friend for a while and finally decided to meet.  She’s recently gone through a rough patch of life and was really looking forward to catching up in person.

They’d exchanged photos so they both knew what to expect — or maybe not.

She went to the restaurant where they were supposed to meet and she watched and watched for her friend to arrive.  She thought she’d been stood up and then a man walked in looking nothing like the photo and walked up to her and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

She was floored!  He was easily 25 years older than the photo, had far fewer teeth than are required for a full meal and his command of the Queen’s English was dismal.

You’re wondering how she handled it, right? She did what any other woman would do.  She went to the ladies’ room and texted her friends and had a hilarious laugh at this poor man’s expense.  Underneath it all though, she was bitterly disappointed that she’d put heaps of effort into this friendship and he turned out to be a liar.

Folks, while looks are important in every relationship, what you look like might be exactly what someone else is seeking. (all except the teeth thing.. most people expect teeth in their date’s mouth, sorry.)

I know how stressful it is if you don’t have a lot of confidence in your looks. I went 10,000 miles for my first date with Jayce and I was too afraid to send him my photo because I didn’t want him to barf.  I knew if he met me he’d love me, (no problem with ego here) and he did.

The same thing can happen to you.  More people hold honesty and respect as more important than looks –  but what is considered attractive is different for all of us.  Nobody can explain attraction but we know what we like when we see it.

I was pondering a topic idea sent to me about online dating and it’s triggered a different question about “dating online” for people in a relationship or marriage. If we’re honest, how many of us have come to a site like SexyAds or any dating/relationship site only looking for online intimate interaction? I suspect the number would be pretty big.

There are countless numbers of men and women who have a good relationship with their spouse or partner and they have no intention of leaving, but they are lacking passion and intimacy and well, downright kinky feelings. People will say, “Talk it over with your partner/spouse,” as if that’s going to miraculously change things for the better. People will say, “Sex isn’t everything, look what else you’ve got in your life,” as if your basic sexual drive understands reason and just goes away. While talking with your mate is always a good thing to do and you will agree that sex isn’t EVERYTHING – it’s natural for us to want passion, excitement and sex.

Does online intimacy help? Probably. Will you feel like you’re cheating? Maybe. Should you deny yourself a basic physical need? No, I don’t think anyone should.

What would your advice be to a good friend who hasn’t had sex for the past 6 months? Should he or she just live without? Get a divorce and lose the house, kids and relationship? Should someone have to live without sex for the rest of their lives?

In everyone’s life, there will come a time where he or she has absolutely nothing to do – no dating partner or close friends to go out with. Ever heard the phrases “being so boring that you can’t get a decent date” or “I will be growing old alone forever”. If you’ve ever heard these lines or even said them yourself, it’s time to take action. If you believe you’re undatable, then you are but I don’t think so. I think there’s someone special for everyone on the planet. That’s how life goes on. Believe that and you’re on your way!

You’ll hear stories about online dating being full of creepy people and in some cases that’s true but these are the same people who live in your town. You don’t go out with them and you don’t need to choose the creepy people either. I met my husband through an online ad and my daughter met her husband through an online ad. I did it back in 1994 just as the www was getting recognized as a real force in the world.

When we first started SexyAds.com we were excited when we saw the first web address on a billboard at the Atlanta airport. I said to my husband, “the Internet is going to take over the world, just wait and see.” We started one of the first dating sites on the net and here we are twelve years later and we’re still going strong. Sure things have changed, people’s use of the Internet has changed but people still care for each other in the same old way. Just the introduction is different.

Online Dating is a great way to widen your circle of friends. When I told my grown children that i found a man in Australia and I wanted to go to meet him they thought I was nuts. “He’ll be an axe murderer for sure!” my daughter said. We’d emailed, we’d talked on the phone, we’d exchanged photos and I just knew I didn’t want to die not knowing if this man could have been perfect for me. So I got on that plane and here we are, 15 years later and still madly in love. Sure we had all the common problems that communicating through a flat screen can cause, PLUS we were on the slowest dial-up connection which I must admit was the fastest available at the time. We tried live voice chat and all we got out of it was, “can you hear me?” and “nah, you’re breaking up.” Imagine how easy it is today with dating sites left and right and not only live audio chat but audio and video as well.

If you’ve been listening to those who diss online dating, it might be that they joined one once a long time ago and nobody but jerks looked at their profile and that colored their experience. You can’t join a dating site and do nothing but list a user name. No photo, no written ad, no contacting others, no blogs, no online chat or video chat, no forum posts.. how will anyone find you? Join a site and put everything you’ve got into making it the best profile you can and then stand out from the crowd. Leave those “waiting around for someone to find them” behind and make the first move. Send a comment to them or a tickle or leave a note on their blog, make a comment on a forum post that someone left, check out the chatrooms. I promise you, if it could work for a little old lady like me who found true love half a globe away, it can happen to you. Good luck!