There are many who would say that a woman’s sex drive slows to a splutter as soon as she has the ring on her finger, but is that really the case? I’m one who firmly thinks it’s not the case at all.

So what’s the reason she’s not jumping in the sack just like she did when they were dating? Probably a lot of reasons but what I hear most from the women who talk to me from the website are:

• He expects me to work a full-time job and do everything to keep the house running smoothly. His mother did it and I think he feels I should too. He works the same number of hours I do and he mows the lawn on Saturday morning. That’s it. He doesn’t do the washing, ironing, vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing, windows, shopping, cooking, dishes or the shopping for family gifts (even his own family). It’s always up to me. I do love him but I don’t like him much any more and I don’t find him at all sexy.
• He used to make me feel so special before we were married and now it’s only me leaving little notes, buying him surprises, making plans for a night out for the two of us. It’s like he’s a single man in a married household. He thinks nothing of stopping off at the bar for a few drinks and ending up there for the evening. I love him but I am resentful and I don’t feel sexy any more.
• I’m just too tired. I wish I had the energy he does but after working all day and taking care of the kids and the house and the cooking and cleaning, I’m dead on my feet. He works a demanding job that’s not a joke but I think he feels that marriage is getting a full time maid and prostitute for free.
• If he’d do a bit more to help out around here I’d have more time to feel sexy. He thinks that anything to do with the house is my job (although I work full time) and anything he does I should appreciate because he’s “helping me.”   Why are the household chores all labeled mine?  If I asked him to move out he’d want half of this house, you can be sure of that so he should at least clean up his half!
• Being married isn’t what I thought it would be like. I thought it would be like dating only better and it’s not. I don’t enjoy waiting on him. I keep saying to myself, when’s my turn?
• My husband hovers over me like a wet cloth. He wants to know where I am at all times and he isn’t happy if I don’t report in. Who’d find that sexy?

Of course these women were online looking for someone to flirt with and perhaps they were a bit angry or frustrated, but I think *some* men need to realize that a relationship is a partnership and a wife isn’t going to do everything his mother did and work full time. If he wants her to desire him like she used to, then he needs to create the same environment.

I know I’ll hear from a lot of men who say they do all the right things and she still isn’t interested and to them I say, you have a real problem and she or you as a couple need some professional help because things are not going to get better on their own.

J and I were partners for 8 years until one night in Paris when I said I thought he should ask me to marry him. Subtle, I know. I don’t know why I decided that it was right for me but my guts gave me that feeling I have learned not to ignore.

I wonder if the same partnership rules existed in the US today where de facto couples who’d been together for more than a year had all the same benefits as a legally married couple, would there be as many marriages? Would you walk down the aisle if you could get by without it?

People have asked me if I would marry now if I hadn’t done so years ago and I have to say I would. While in my head I was fully committed to him, being married did give us that undefinable permanence that feels really good in the pit of my stomach. I always knew we’d be together forever but now I don’t wonder about it at all. I just know. I think J could have stayed partners forever but we promised each other that if either one wanted to, we would.

None of this should imply that I think marriage should only be between a man and a woman. I’m of the rock solid opinion that marriage should be allowed between any two people who want to commit themselves to each other for life. (or for however long they want to be together) It is really nobody’s business but the two people involved. I can’t see how marriage between any two other people can really affect me in any way other than if I want to make rules for everyone else to follow.

Marriage isn’t for everyone. Too often marriage becomes ownership, and when that happens, the party’s over for the one who’s owned. What about you? Would you marry someone or live together?

They weren’t kidding when they said diamonds are a girl’s best friend!

Him: Ah… Alas, I can hardly wait!

Her: Do you want me to leave?

Him: NO! Don’t even think about it.

Her: Do you love me?

Him: Of course! Always have and always will!

Her: Have you ever cheated on me?

Him: NO! Why are you even asking?

Her: Will you kiss me?

Him: Every chance I get, baby!

Her: Will you hit me?

Him: Heck no! Are you crazy?!

Her: Can I trust you?

Him: Yes!!

Her: Darling!!!!~

After Marriage

Read it backwards

Which brings me to my friend Fran. She’s been with her partner for 6 years and she wants to be married. She’s 57 and wants the permanence and security she feels a marriage provides. I’m not sure I agree with that, especially if only one person wants to do it. We promised each other that if either one wanted to, we’d do it. No fuss, no hassles and it was a great day. But in Fran’s case, her partner Dick is against marriage completely. His parents failed at it and so have 2 of his brothers and he doesn’t want to follow in those footsteps.

Fran asked my opinion and I told her I didn’t want to give it to her because I thought she’d disagree with it and it might harm our friendship.

How do I really feel?

If both don’t want to get married, the relationship is doomed. We see relationships going well for years and then they marry and boom, it all disappears. I think that’s what will happen to Fran and Dick because Dick doesn’t want to do it and he’ll feel pressured into marriage or nothing. She has already said that if he doesn’t marry her she’s moving on and I don’t blame her one bit.

We each make our way through this world and if marriage is important to her, then she needs to find someone who she can love and will help her fulfill that need. I don’t think she should stay with Dick if she’s going to be unhappy and blame him for it. Just as if he marries her not wanting to, he’ll blame her for his unhappiness too.