We all know someone who very much wants to find a new love in their life, or someone who wishes they could lose weight, or someone who would like to have a new job or someone desiring a wage increase. What do they all have in common? They’re wishing it would happen. It’s like they can only focus on their wishbone and DO nothing to MAKE it happen.

I see it all the time on SexyAds.com. Some men will join and write a one-line ad that says something like:

Handsome male with talented tongue who can last all night.

Actually that wouldn’t look like that.. it would have been tounge for the flappy thing that can last all night. If you were thinking that was a good ad, don’t. Women will not reply to that ad. Not ever. They don’t want a date with a tongue, they want a date with a man. We date men - the sex bit is important but it’s not more important than who he is as a person.

My point is, this man is wishing for a hot date but he’s not doing anything that will help him to reach his goal. My friend Sal wishes she could lose weight but sits with a pack of cookies and a quart of milk while she wishes.

Don’t get me wrong, wishing is the first step. Without wishing we wouldn’t get anywhere. It’s how we know what things we want and what things we don’t want, so never skip that step but don’t make it your only step.

Once you’ve decided you want a new relationship (or anything else), commit to doing something to make it happen. Roll with the flow but take every opportunity to put yourself in position to allow success to happen. If you join a dating site, create a good profile. Write an ad or profile to attract the sort of person you would like in your life, upload photos showing you off at your very best and then write to everyone that comes even close to matching what you seek. Remember, they can’t put everything in a profile, so if you want someone who loves sailing, write and ask if they enjoy it.

The wishbone is only the beginning!

A friend of mine sent me a link to ZenHabits.net and I thought it was good enough to share with you. It’s not often a site really gets me thinking and this one really did.

The author of Zen Habits is Leo Baubauta, a married father of 6 who lives in Guam. I’m not sure how he learned all these really great tips but I’m certainly going to try them in my life this year. For example:

Tip #1 is about goal setting. We all know that setting goals is the first step to achieving them, but how many of us come up with 5 or 10 goals every January only to crap out on nearly all of them. The best tip is to make ONE goal. Don’t dilute your action over 5 or 10 goals but find ONE that is way more important to you right now than all the others. I’m really guilty of having a laundry list of improvements I want to make in myself and my life. I’m going to have one goal this year. Wish me luck. If you’re still looking for love, maybe that’s YOUR goal for 2008!

Check out Zen Habits and see how many tips you can incorporate in your life.