How To Approach The Subject of Sex
Probably the single most uncomfortable topic when you are first starting to date someone is that of sex. Neither one of you knows how the other feels about it – how soon is too soon, how many partners this person has had in the past, what their preferences are when it comes to sex, and so on. It’s no wonder that many people are scared to broach the topic in conversation.
Fortunately, as long as you adopt the good attitude and bring it up in a good way, you can overcome much of this awkwardness and get to the information you want to know.
Timing
The first very important point to keep in mind is the time you try and bring up the topic of sex. Don’t bring it up while there is a lot of other stuff going on around you, as this is likely to just distract your partner and make them less receptive to having the conversation.
Additionally, if you are wanting to know something like partner count or anything related to past sexual partners, do not, under any circumstances, bring this up while you are kissing or doing anything else physical. It will kill the mood in record time.
Tone of Voice
The next important thing will be your tone of voice when you approach the subject. If you all of a sudden turn very serious or show a great deal of self-doubt with your words, this is not going to send the best of signals to your partner.
You want them to know that you are comfortable discussing the topic so they themselves will become more comfortable also. The tone in your voice can really show a lot of what you are feeling so be very careful with this.
You want to come across as sincere, but also keep a casual tone so they don’t feel as though they are being grilled for answers.
Get A Lead-In
The next way to help improve the receptiveness of your partner to this discussion is to find a lead-in topic. This would be something that is not directly about sex but could be related to it. This way, after you have discussed this lead-in topic, then you can gently approach the topic of sex and with any luck, the conversation will flow in naturally.
For example, if you want to discuss with a new partner what their thoughts are on having sex before marriage, you could bring up the topic of someone you know (you don’t actually have to know such a person) who has gotten pregnant without being married.
Gauging your partner’s reaction to this could give you some indication itself on what their views are on sex before marriage, and then you could lead right into the question if it’s not clear enough.
Obviously there is a clear difference between getting pregnant and having sex before marriage, as it’s very well possible to avoid pregnancy as long as protection is used, however, it still gets you going towards the direction of sex and will put the thoughts of the topic forefront on the mind making the transition easier.
Make Sure You’re Into The Relationship
The final point to keep in mind is that it is important that you are relatively into the relationship before bringing up sex. While it likely is something that you want to discuss relatively early on, if you are just at the stage that you two have started dating or worse, if you aren’t even classified as officially dating yet, it may not be the right time to bring up the topic.
While some individuals are okay with casual sex, most, particularly women, prefer to only be sleeping with those they are in a relationship with.
Factoring this in will help you ensure that you’re on the right timeline for bringing up the conversation and aren’t stepping out of bounds to begin with.
So, next time you want to talk to a partner about sex, try and relax. It is something that is slightly uncomfortable to bring up most of the time, however, if you plan out how you will approach it beforehand, your chances of having a successful conversation about it increase.
