You love chocolates?

With this you’ll even love it even more.

“Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”
“I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.”
“Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”
“Talk about a huge breast!”
“It’s Cool Whip time!”
“If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!”
“Are you ready for seconds yet?”
“Are you going to come again next time?”
“It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?”
“Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!”
“Don’t play with your meat.”
“Just spread the legs open &stuff it in.”
“Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?”
“I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”
“You still have a little bit on your chin.”
“Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.”
“How long will it take after you stick it in?”
“You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.”
“Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!”
“How many are coming?”
“That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”
“Just lay back &take it easy…I’ll do the rest.”
“How long do I beat it before it’s ready?”
“Let’s do it in the Dining Room”

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you are making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend’s first cookie is calorie free (see rule #1). It would be rude to let your friend sample alone, and being the friend that you are, makes your cookie calorie free as well.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have 3 and green ones have 5 – one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching Miracle on 34th Street have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else’s plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

And finally…

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It’s a rule!


LIKE THIS?


Yes. If a man invites a woman out, he should plan on paying the bill.

If a woman asks a man out, should she expect to pay the evening’s expenses?

Yes, If a woman invites a man out, she should plan on paying the bill.

While I might be old fashioned and think a man should do the inviting and the paying for the first date, it’s 2007 people, it’s not just the man who does the inviting any more. While it might be most common for the man to do the inviting, there is nothing at all wrong with a woman inviting a man out to dinner. Ask any man you know if he’d feel flattered that a woman has invited him to dinner and I’ll wager that most would say yes.

Once the first date is over and perhaps the second, it’s time to be practical and fair about what is becoming a friendship on its way to becoming a relationship. The days of most women earning little more than minimum wage is over. Some women are making very good money these days so why should the man pay for everything? We wanted to be equal and this is certainly a part of that.

If you’re a woman and your salary is more than his, you should be paying a higher percentage of times or definitely always splitting the bill. Don’t assume that entertaining you is easy for him. He has asked you out because he likes you and wants to spend time with you, but that doesn’t ease the financial burden on him one bit.

If you like him and want to see date number 2 and date number 3, offer to share the bill. He’ll know in an instant that you’re there because you want to be with him. You’re not a gold digger looking to be wined and dined and shown a good time.

Women who make much less than the man they’re dating can choose to cook a nice meal for him at home. A lovely meal with candlelight and soft music is often a much nicer experience than going out.

The best advice I have is to talk about it before the date starts. Then you both know what to expect. If the man expects the woman to pay and she’s not expecting to pay and doesn’t bring a credit card or cash, there could be embarrassment and that is not going to lead to staying over for breakfast. Unless one of you is rich, everyone is in the same boat financially. We all have expenses and some times are easier than others.

It’s fine to say, “Hey, how about inviting me to dinner this time.” If I liked him I’d say yes.

My lovemuffin said he’d get the brownies and on the way back to the table he dropped one. He said it was mine that fell. (I didn’t buy this for a moment but I went along – it was a celebration after all.)

Here’s the dilemma. Is the rule still valid that if you pick it up off the floor within 15 seconds you can still eat it?