That’s what my best friend Christine says when she talks about the available men in our city. She should know - she’s the flirtiest person I know, outside of myself, of course. So what does that say about the available men - why aren’t any of them “good ones”?

I think there are still good ones out there, folks. My mother (and everyone else’s mother) always said there were more fish in the sea. She never said that the only fish left were the bottom feeders.

So what gives Christine and so many others the idea that all the good ones are taken? I suspect it’s all tied up in our genetic makeup. That and maybe the grass is always greener on someone else’s lawn.

I see women having affairs with married men and I wonder if there is a perception that since his wife chose him, he must have been really ok at some point and if she’d treated him better he wouldn’t be looking around. This is something I disagree with. Maybe his wife chose badly.

What do the available men have to do in order to be considered a good one? If you take the question, Are all the good ones taken, and stretch your mind around it a bit, what it says is we want something we can’t have. So with that in mind, check to see if any of these hit home.

• Don’t hover. Not even a little bit.
• Have a life of your own without her and you won’t need her to be with you constantly, nor will you need to know what she’s doing every moment. If it works between you, you won’t need to consume her.
• Treat her as an equal human being with respect and enjoy being with her. (Women love this.)
• Put in 50% of the effort when dating. Don’t make her decide where to go, when to go, what to do, what to eat, nor should you make all the decisions. It’s fun to share and by sharing you learn what each of you enjoys.
• Let her know you value her opinion on everything, even if you don’t agree with her.
• Be her friend. Listen to her while she talks out her problems. No need to give a solution, just listen.

It also wouldn’t hurt if you could take care of bugs and spiders.

Yep, that’s the word some guy used about the porn for women article I posted. He probably pronounced it “whupped”, don’t you think? Well, it made me think - what’s the female equivalent for being pussy whipped? According to Robin Lakoff in “The Handbook of Language and Gender”, there is NO female equivalent! So I started asking around. I asked a few men at the office what the female equal to pussy whipped was and I was really quite surprised at the answers.

“There is no equal phrase, women are supposed to do what the man in their life says.”

I nearly fell over. Were they brought up by men who carry clubs and drag their women by the hair?

“Gee, I dunno, I never knew a woman who was treated like a guy who was pussy whipped.”

I remained on the floor. All I could think of was we hired these really clever people and how stupid they really were. I looked at the two of them and slowly asked them if they thought women really were second class citizens and should be subservient to men. (I didn’t remind them that I signed their paychecks, but that might have affected their answer.)

“Oh no, they aren’t subservient at all. It’s just what life is. Men are the heads of the household and make the final decision.”

I asked if they knew the meaning of subservient. Sigh.

Well, I think it’s high time we had a term. How many friends of yours do you know who are dick whipped? I have a friend of mine who gets quite nervous every afternoon worrying that the meal she prepares for her husband will be what he wants. I have another friend whose husband does very little work and is a slob around the house and rarely enjoys sex. She works nearly 50 hours a week, does all the cooking, cleaning and laundry and if she wants to go out, she has to go alone because he’s shy. Come to think of it, I’ve got some pretty weird friends.. maybe I should look inward and investigate what draws me to them.

Not all dick whipped women are that way because they live with a controlling bastard. I remembered this email I received a few weeks ago.

My brother is nuts and has this woman pussy whipped but I suppose that’s not the right phrase. He has the sexiest girlfriend who’ll do anything for him. She’s nuts too. He treats her barely OK because she’s not really what he wants in a partner, but he doesn’t have the balls to tell her that. She “drops by” every few days with beer, things she’s cooked especially for him, clothing that she “just happened to see” that would be great on him. Frankly, I think it’s creepy. If he wants sex all he has to do is crook his little finger and she undresses on the way over. Any recommendations?

Yes, I don’t think she’s dick whipped - she’s a stalker.

Did you think I meant THAT F word? Oh no, deary me, I meant FRIDAY. If you’re unattached and lonely, you really dread the F word because it means the weekend is starting. You’ll be all alone (again) while all your friends and neighbors have someone to go out with, do chores with, run errands with and someone to have fun with.

I know you’re not always lonely, but if you dread Fridays, it’s time to change your attitude and get more out of life. Join a dating site, make some dates and then when you think of Fridays you’ll think of other things you can use the F word for.

• Fantastic
• Fun
• Fabulous
• First-Rate
• Fucking

So what are you waiting for? Time’s a wastin and you’re not gettin any younger!

Back in 1994 when I first found the Internet in Orlando, Florida, it was full of geeks and university types. We used text based telnet chatrooms. It was all new to me and I found it really exciting learning the new technology. One day someone I met on a local bulletin board system suggested that I telnet to a “talker” in Sweden. I remember how complicated I thought it all was but finally I got logged in and started to introduce myself. I was amazed at the people who were there.

One of the head guys at SUN in Sweden was there, a doctor of linguistics at a university in Scotland, a high level programmer in London, another whizbang English programmer who was living in Greece, an IT professor at a Florida university, the head of IT for a large school system in South Carolina, a guy who owned a software company - it just blew me away. Here all these people were in the middle of the day (or night depending on where they were and when I was there).

We’d be talking about ordinary life one minute and the next someone was talking about the huge orgasm they had the night before or how to find the g-spot. Back in ‘94 I was just letting the last child out of the nest and frankly had never talked to anyone about sex before, much less total strangers, but there I was, joining right in. One woman told us how she’d always fantasized about being a dominatrix and making men subservient to her. This was ALL really new to me. (I’ve come a long way in 13 years!)

When we started SexyAds.com I hoped we could have a chatroom similar to that one. A place where people could talk about anything - sexual or not and that’s what happened. To get the room populated John and I would chat for hours on end just so the rooms wouldn’t be empty and people would stay. After a while the chatter grew a life of its own and we’ve never had to repeat the process, but there are some still around who call us Mom and Dad.

A chatroom is a great place to make new friends AND explore the sexual side of your personality. Like my friend in South Carolina who wanted to pretend to be a dominatrix, you can find someone in chat and pretend to be anything you want to be. I’m not talking about leading someone on, but you can admit that you’ve always been curious about (whatever it is that you’re curious about and we’re all curious about something). You’ll explore your personal boundaries and you’ll end up a better lover for the experience.

I have talked about cyber sex before and there ARE tricks to getting lucky. Men should realize that women are real and that when they feel good about themselves, they do feel sexier. I promise you that saying, “I looked at your profile and man, you are hot!” gets you miles ahead of the guy who jumps in and says, “any sluts wanna cyberfuck and make me feel reeeeel good?”

When I see something stupid on our site at SexyAds.com or some other dating site (yes we check the competition) I always wonder what the person was thinking. Like a photo of a man looking like he lost his best friend, or worse looking angry and worse still, the idiot who posed with a gun. For the record, we won’t accept a photo of a person with a gun unless he or she is in uniform.

Nothing is worse than the emails some people think will work to get them a date. I have a profile on our site so people can write to me personally about any problems or to ask for help. Every day there are some who write who have never looked at my profile. They realize they can email me for free so they do. I’ve kept a few of the really good ones. What these men thought they were going to get by sending these to me (or to anyone!) boggles the mind.

1. I am looking for an honest women. one that won’t lie to me and will be my friend even if nobody else will be. I need you to be totaly comitted to me in every way and I need to know that you can be discrete because I’m married. this is my fave
2. yo! you wanna fuck or sumthin
3. May the pleasure of God shine upon you and may you want to bring me to the United States to live with you and care for you forever. I am a good man of Nigeria. I am strong and faithful.
4. I saw your picture and before we meet could I see more pictures of your tits?
5. I like women like you because overweight women are really greatful when we pay attention to you. If you want to meet send me your real email address because I can’t buy a membership here because my wife would find out and she’d kill me ten ways to sunday.
6. Is that your real photo or underneath are you really ugly? fave #2
7. Hi, I read your profile and noticed that you are looking for new friends and I’d like to apply for the position as your number one friend. I’m 48, live in Phoenix and can spend time with you ever weekend. I have a talented tongue and I’m at least 8 inches in the pants department. ever weekend? I’m in Australia, buddy!
8. big package waiting for you here babe

These are all introductory emails. Not one of them could have read my profile because it says I’m not looking for anyone; that I’m the maintenance person around the site. Online dating isn’t rocket science - frankly it’s easy to get a date, but those emails won’t work!

To be fair, I get a lot of really great emails from wonderful people; many remain as old friends. They understand that you have to be interested enough to find out all you can about them and then treat them with respect.

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