Be fit at any size. You don’t have to be slender to be fit. Be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing your breath. Let your date know that IF you make it to bed that you’re not going to huff and puff and make it all seem like work.

Be clean. There are some people who think bathing is only required on Saturday night. If any of you are here at SexyAds – you’re wrong. 3 day old body odour is unacceptable and will make you undateable. (is that a word?)

Get a clue. Be able to carry on a conversation about something. You don’t have to know everything but know something to talk about. Pick up random tidbits of information on Wikipedia or read a book you can talk about, check the CNN website before your date. When the conversation has a lull in it, that’s when you pop in your profound thoughts. You only want to have sex with them and not discuss the world situation? Honey, nobody can fuck non-stop from door to door. There’s gotta be some travel time and getting undressed time and getting dressed again time.

Be kind. I know there’s the word sex in the name on the door but that is no excuse to leave your manners on the rug outside. Treat people with respect. Sure you might want a dynamo in the bedroom but treat your date with some class and you’ll be amazed at the results you’ll get.

Dating requires effort and a bit of follow-through. You’ve got to make the contacts and go through whatever it takes to make yourself attractive enough to date. I’m not talking about looks here.. your whole person has to attract someone to date. If you’re a Grumpy Gus or a Ditzy Dolly – you’ve got a bit of work to do but it’s all possible!

1. Keep up with what’s going on in the world. No, you don’t have to become a CNN whore and really you’re better off NOT doing that. Notice that news is all about headlines and that’s where we’re headed with this tip. You need to know more than the headline but not about EVERY news article. If you find something in the news that interests you, learn more about it. The important thing is: Know something that is going on. Get informed. Get on the Internet and learn about it. If there is a huge news story in your area, you’d better be able to talk about it or you’re going to look like a dufus.

2. Form an opinion about something and take a stance. Dont waver and stick to your guns. Kerry didnt win the 2004 election because the Bush campaign painted him as a flip-flopper. Whether you or I agree with that or not is beside the point. The point is if you go out with someone and then change your tune to match theirs, they wont trust you. They will see you as someone who pads what they say to make others feel good. You don’t want to be this person.

People have more respect for someone who stands up for what they believe in, even if they disagree. It shows character.

3. Read at least one good book. I dont care what the book is although a comic book probably doesn’t count.

If you’re having trouble deciding what to read, there is the NY Times Bestseller List, Amazon Bestseller, Barnes and Noble Bestseller, Time Magazines Top 100 Books of all time, UKs The Guardians Top 100 Novels of all time.

Simply choose one really great book that you like, no matter the subject. Read it and really get into it. If you choose a book on a subject that interests you, you’ll enjoy every minute you spend with that book. Once you’re finished, think about what you liked about the book and why you think you liked it. Was there anything in the author’s style of writing that impressed you? You’ve now got an answer if your date asks what book you’ve read lately.

4. Have at least one movie you can talk about. This doesn’t mean your favorite movie. It is hard to think of a favorite movie on the spot for most people, so decide ahead of time what your favorite movie is today. I dont know why people want to know, but they often ask and it is good to be prepared. Most people have a certain genre that they like more than others, but often dont have one that comes to mind in five seconds.

You could choose box office numbers for a favorite movie but for dating I would recommend a quality movie. It will show your intellectual side. Need to be reminded of movie tities? A good site is IMDB Internet Movie Database. Along with some great information on almost every movie ever made, you can find out the producer, director, editor and more of any movie just by putting in the title.

6. Smile. This is so important. Even if you are not attracted to the person right away, you are going to be spending some time with them today so it might as well be pleasant. You might find that you can continue as friends or you may get to like them after spending a little time with them. Theres no benefit in being a jerk by looking like you ate a lemon before they arrived.

7. Look them in the eyes. Do not look elsewhere while you are talking to them. People dont trust people that dont look them in the eyes when talking to them. Eye contact shows that you are interested in them and what they have to say.

8. Say their name when you meet. Hi Rick, I’m Helen.” People like to hear their names and it will register with their subconscious that you know it. While engaged in conversation, use it often. That doesnt mean every sentence, but pepper it throughout the conversation here and there. Rick, can you please pass me the salt. Oh, Helen, look at that amazing architecture.

9. Shake hands when you meet. This is the time to say their name when you introduce yourself, look them in the eyes and smile. Don’t use a death grip; you aren’t trying to impress a business associate. Offering your hand validates the other person and let’s them know that you consider them your equal.

10. Always compliment them on their appearance, even if its not an outfit you would have chosen. They took the time to go through their closet to find an outfit just for you, so you should notice that. You can always find something nice to say, even if you think the outfit is hideous. Maybe it’s a nice color and you could say, that color looks great on you! You dont have to say that you like the outfit. Even if they look pretty ordinary, you can find one thing that you can say something nice about. Wow, you have beautiful eyes. or Your hair looks great. Most importantly, make sure you smile when you give a compliment.

11. Things to talk about. We all know how it feels to have big pauses in a conversation and you feel like you need to say something just to fill the void, but what? A first date isn’t the place to tell someone that your brother just got sent up for rape or that the IRS is about to seize all your assets for non payment of taxes. Keep your first date fun. If there is interest and you want to keep seeing this person, then you should share all the icky bits in your closet.

Here are some topics to keep in mind to keep any conversation going.

Current Events: Don’t get serious on this one, this topic is for quirky news. On the first date stay away from politics, religion, abortion, etc.

Family: Ask about their life growing up at home. How many kids in the family, things they did for fun, etc.

History: What school they went to, where they grew up, where they have lived, etc.

Work: What they do, people at work, etc.

Holidays: If it is nearing a holiday, ask what their plans are. Are they going out of town, hosting the family get together, etc?

Hobbies and sports: If they mention something in their profile about leisure activities, ask about it.. So you mentioned you like softball, do you play on a league? Follow up with a question that cant be answered with a yes or no.

Architecture: If you are walking outside, be observant, point out architecture and start a discussion on it.

Nature: You can find beauty everywhere you look. Mention the trees, plants, and flowers around you. Notice the color. Be observant.

That’s it. If you keep these points in mind, you’ll be a favorite date of everyone you meet.

So let’s take this reasoning and put it in an online dating scenario and I have to tell you, “hot tits!” isn’t quite the same as an introduction. The coffee shop women all used personal information they gleaned from watching the men. They looked at what they were eating or they watched them deciding what to order or they noticed the guy had a watch and asked for the time. Why? Noticing these things raised their chances of success.

If you want to really catch a woman’s eye, then let her know how she caught yours. What about her caused you to want to contact her. Why her? Is she special or would you want any female with a heartbeat? She wants to be more special than that.

What’s the difference between a date and just going out? Heaps!! When you have a date you spend a bit more time with your appearance. Men take the time to shave so there’s no burning when kissing gets a bit intense. Women put on clothes they know will get some attention. If you’re in a relationship now, you’ve been there and if you aren’t, you are already doing all these things. The old saying really is true, when you look good, you feel good.

Dating keeps a relationship from going stale. Boredom is the cause of way too many wandering eyes. We all want excitement and passion in our lives and that’s what we had when we were first dating – so let’s not lose that!

When you’re on a date you talk to each other. You talk now, I know, but it’s usually in 90 second burst of “what’s for dinner?” or “did you take out the trash?” or “can you get the casserole dish from the top of the cabinet please?” Sitting across from each other at dinner while on your date you can focus on what brought you two together in the first place. One reminder though, don’t use date night to settle any conflict – it will ruin date night that night and in the future if one of you is waiting for the conflict shoe to drop.

Vary your date nights. Do something different or something wild and crazy. A movie one week, a rodeo the next, a burlesque show the next, bowling the next, ice skating or even a picnic. When you plan ahead you have a week to anticipate what’s going to happen. Imagine on the afternoon of date night and you send your date a text that says, “Do I need to wear underwear tonight?” Let the fantasies begin!

That’s SO complicating life and it’s so unnecessary. It just means that person wasn’t the best choice right now. Maybe now isn’t the right time. Accepting a no thanks to a friendship/relationship approach doesn’t have to be ugly. Over the years we’ve seen some pretty nasty communications reported just because the man or woman wasn’t interested.

I wouldn’t want to date an old hag like you anyway
You probably have every disease known to man
You’re too fat to fuck anyway
and my personal pick.. “I would have only had sex with you as a favor and out of pity for the pathetic fuck you are”
This sort of reaction is a defense mechanism some people use to blame the person who’s rejected them of being horrible and then the rejected is rejecting the rejector. (complicated I know.. but you get the point)

Let’s not misunderstand rejection. It’s not a one-way street. How many times in your life have you said to yourself, “that person is just not for me?” It can be for all sorts of reasons but it’s always because something inside you says it doesn’t feel right. Sometimes we don’t know why it doesn’t feel right – it just doesn’t. In those cases would you expect the person who isn’t right for you to feel unworthy of someone as great as you are? I doubt it. Probably very few of us think we’re God’s gift to everyone.

So if you get a no thanks from someone, chalk it up to experience and be kind to yourself and have confidence that the right person WILL come along. Know that everyone, everywhere gets rejected. It’s just part of life. Getting back in the saddle and having another go makes good sense.

* The child isn’t mine
* How will the children affect our relationship
* I don’t want to be a father or mother to some other man’s kids
* I want all his/her attention
* Am I mature enough to handle the day to day?

Whoa, back up a bit. You’re dating a someone with wants, needs and desires, just like you have. If the children have a father in their life, they don’t need another parent. This person wants you to be THEIR partner. You’ll obviously treat the children with the same care and respect that you’d show to your own children. Children from a previous relationship don’t always cause problems. Most of the time you learn and grow with them and you have a great time.

I married a guy with a child and there were no problems. He’s grown now but he was only 8 when we met. I never felt like I had to do anything but be a friend and care for him. No regrets whatsoever in accepting a stepson into my life.

If you’re tossing over the prospect of a single parent relationship. Go for it. Life’s what you make of it.

1. Dress well — and appropriately for the activity you’ve planned. If you’re going out to dinner – smart casual for both men and women. If you’re going hiking, ladies, don’t wear heels. For goodness sake be clean. Take a shower just before your date. Look and smell delicious.

2. Show up on time. I know this sounds really simple but I’m flabberghasted at the number of complaints we have about both men and women who are 15 to 30 minutes or longer late on the first date. If you’re running into difficulty, call ahead and say you’re going to be 15 minutes late. It’s the courteous and respectful thing to do. Also, if you decide you have changed your mind, send an email or call. Too many people make dates to meet in person and fail to show up. Nerves most probably but it’s still really inconsiderate.

3. Put away your cell phone; do not take calls or text. One lady wrote to us last week about a first date (in person) with a guy from SexyAds. He took 9 phone calls during the evening from work or friends and didn’t say, “Can I call you back? I’m with someone now.” He asked for a 2nd date and she told him she wasn’t going to wait in the queue again.

4. Guys, if you’re meeting at a coffee shop, always buy your date something to drink — doesn’t matter if she says she’s fine without a drink, buy one anyway. I can hear you complaining about women’s lib and going dutch but I promise, you’ll get farther with a simple cup of coffee or a Coke.

5. Don’t swear or use other foul language or speak to serving people rudely. This should be a given but sadly it’s not. Manners will always win out.

6. Avoid talking about past relationships; Your date won’t be impressed with how awful your ex is or was or how big a martyr you were. It’s not relevant to the date you’re on or the relationship that might come between you. These sorts of discussions are weeks or months down the road over a glass of wine.

7. Don’t ask rapid-fire questions; nobody wants to feel like they’re being interviewed for a potential “job” as your boyfriend or girlfriend. Ask interesting questions about things you truly want to know. Where someone went to grade school or what their first dog’s name is should be none of your business at the first date.

8. Let the other person talk. I know it feels good to talk about yourself and your accomplishments but your date feels the same way. If you talk about yourself all night then it’s apparent to them that you don’t care what sort of person they are.

9. Stick it out for at least an hour, even if you’re not interested. You never know, after 30 minutes the nerves might settle down and the conversation could change and you might change your mind. If not, you’ve wasted 30 minutes.

10. Don’t pressure the other person to go out again. Ask once and if you’re flatly turned down, don’t go there again. Move on to someone who will look forward to that second date with you?

No Shyness

There’s no worry about shyness at the first meeting because once you’ve established a rapport with someone through email or chat, meeting them in person is just like meeting an old friend for a drink. You’ll know so much about this person from your previous conversations that you’ll be comfortable.

How Does It Work?

It’s really quite easy and most of the larger sites work pretty much the same way. You join, usually at no cost, by filling in a short profile of yourself. How old are you, what nationality, body shape, location, interests and what sort of person you’re seeking. You’ll be offered the opportunity to add a photo or gallery of photos to your dating profile and I heartily recommend you do that. With so many people on the net, why choose one with no photo when there are 100 with no surprises?

Then use all the features that the site offers to get your name (let’s call this branding) out there. You want to be seen as a real person and real people join in and post in the forum or join the online chat or video chat or they post blog entries or they comment on other people’s profiles, photos, blogs, etc. This is the quickest way to get profile views. Once you do that, you’re halfway there.

How Do You Choose?

Sure there are heaps of dating sites out there and it can be quite confusing as to which one would be best for you. There are locality based sites and religion based sites and activity based sites and on and on. When we started our adult dating site at SexyAds.com we chose that niche because we felt that there was an opportunity for us with people like us. These would be people who had been around before and were really missing out on passion and intimacy in their relationship. We felt that every relationship is based upon sexuality, regardless how many people say it’s not. It’s always about that and many other things. If you’re feeling flirty, try us out.

Free or Pay?

There’s something to be said for both. If you really can’t afford to contribute to a site and don’t mind wading through lots of advertisements and spam, then you’ll do just fine at a totally free site. We have a combination of both. You can do lots for free but there are additional perks for those who support the site. Our members tell us every day that they like not having tons of advertising on every page and not get heaps of messages from people promoting porn sites.

So if you have pulled the plug on dating, I think it’s time you put it back! Online adult dating is one of the best ways to meet. I met my husband through a personal ad on the net in 1994 – that’s nearly 15 years ago – before the WWW was even in Orlando. We met through an ad on a newsgroup feed on a local bulletin board system. How times have changed.

You’ll hear stories about online dating being full of creepy people and in some cases that’s true but these are the same people who live in your town. You don’t go out with them and you don’t need to choose the creepy people either. I met my husband through an online ad and my daughter met her husband through an online ad. I did it back in 1994 just as the www was getting recognized as a real force in the world.

When we first started SexyAds.com we were excited when we saw the first web address on a billboard at the Atlanta airport. I said to my husband, “the Internet is going to take over the world, just wait and see.” We started one of the first dating sites on the net and here we are twelve years later and we’re still going strong. Sure things have changed, people’s use of the Internet has changed but people still care for each other in the same old way. Just the introduction is different.

Online Dating is a great way to widen your circle of friends. When I told my grown children that i found a man in Australia and I wanted to go to meet him they thought I was nuts. “He’ll be an axe murderer for sure!” my daughter said. We’d emailed, we’d talked on the phone, we’d exchanged photos and I just knew I didn’t want to die not knowing if this man could have been perfect for me. So I got on that plane and here we are, 15 years later and still madly in love. Sure we had all the common problems that communicating through a flat screen can cause, PLUS we were on the slowest dial-up connection which I must admit was the fastest available at the time. We tried live voice chat and all we got out of it was, “can you hear me?” and “nah, you’re breaking up.” Imagine how easy it is today with dating sites left and right and not only live audio chat but audio and video as well.

If you’ve been listening to those who diss online dating, it might be that they joined one once a long time ago and nobody but jerks looked at their profile and that colored their experience. You can’t join a dating site and do nothing but list a user name. No photo, no written ad, no contacting others, no blogs, no online chat or video chat, no forum posts.. how will anyone find you? Join a site and put everything you’ve got into making it the best profile you can and then stand out from the crowd. Leave those “waiting around for someone to find them” behind and make the first move. Send a comment to them or a tickle or leave a note on their blog, make a comment on a forum post that someone left, check out the chatrooms. I promise you, if it could work for a little old lady like me who found true love half a globe away, it can happen to you. Good luck!

Too often we listen to the news or the chatter at work and it’s about blood, sweat and tears. We’re bombarded with the negative things that are happening around us. We are blinded and jaded by thoughts that have marred our optimism. It doesn’t have to be that way. We can choose how we react to the world around us.

We all long for someone to love and care for us and too often we’re too focused on the bad things around us to pay attention to the good things that happen every day to us and make us more worthy of loving.

The magic and power of love often comes in the most unexpected places and times. Believe in love. Keep your heart and mind open for it. Look for the good in people rather than always seeing their faults. Your life will be better for it in every aspect. And… start living the fairytale — maybe that prince or princess will show up before you know it.


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