I got a massage yesterday from my regular masseuse (first world problems for sure) and asked her how she was doing. She was elated because she had gone on a date with her husband the weekend before. When I asked her how long it had been since they had gone out together, she said, ‘Oh, maybe seven years.” Half way through my deep tissue, I wasn’t sure if she was exaggerating or not, but the pep in her step and excitement in her voice told she probably wasn’t.

My initial shock got me thinking though, how many date nights do you go on? My number wasn’t as high as I had envisioned it to be. Is yours? When I really thought about it, the amount of true dates I go on each year with my partner stumbles somewhere around 10-12. We go out all the time to grab food, run errands and visit people, but those aren’t “date nights.” Date nights are the nights you put a little more effort into, you plan it out and it’s understood that it’s just going to be the two of you. Surprised by my paltry number (we don’t even have kids!), I thought it’s time to pick up this dating game and make things exciting again. Plus there’s even science to back that date night is imperative to maintaining a happy and satisfying marriage (or relationship), so why not?

At this point, I know I and I’m sure, you, have suffered from date idea boredom, so in efforts to help you out I came up with 6 date ideas that are a little different and a whole lot of sexy.

Picnic it up–

Date nights don’t always mean you have to go out. Throw a picnic on the floor of your living room on a cold or rainy night. Get some wine, finger foods and a fire going. Throw down a blanket, turn down the lights and put on something sexy. You just have to fight the urge to turn on the TV when the conversation starts to lull.

Kick it old school–

Back in the good ole days (not that any of us were alive then), men used to actually court women, take them out for fancy drinks and go dancing. They’d put on a suit, the women would put on their best dress and it would be absolutely lovely. This may have been decades ago, but no reason you can’t do it now. Pull out your favorite dress and have him put on his nicest suit. Go out for Manhattans or French martinis at a jazz bar or anywhere there is live music, really. And then get to dancing. It’s cliche, but incredibly romantic.

Go swinging–

Does your sex life need a pick me up? Are you or were you a little adventurous in bed? If so, consider hitting up a swingers party for the night. You’ll have to do a little digging online, but you should be able to find a swingers community in your hometown. Go with an open mind and have a few drinks. First timers don’t have to dive in, in fact, you can just watch or hook up with your partner!

Toy excursion–

Need a little pick me up, but not as extreme as the one above? Totally understandable. Instead, you can make a night of toy shopping together. Go to your local adult novelty store like Adam and Eve and see what turns both of you on. This is a great idea because it will get both of you talking about what you like, what you don’t like and what you want to try. Promise each other that you’ll get at least 2 toys, one you want and one your partner wants to try. Then go home and try them out!

Get your blood flowing–

Have a weird schedule or merely time during the day to go out? Pick an exciting activity that both of you have never done before like white water rafting, repelling, horseback riding, etc. Exciting activities will get your adrenaline pumping. Sparks will fly when you pair a new activity, adrenaline and a partner together. It creates an automatic bond that will make you feel closer and immediately turned on.

Seduction Junction–

Finally, you can throw it back and pretend like it’s back when you first met. Both of you should get dressed and go out alone. Meet at the same bar but sit at different tables or stools. Have a drink or two and then seduce each other. Ask each other all the first date kind of stuff, play hard to get at first, or be overly flirty. Leave together in the end. It seems a little silly, but it can actually be a total turn on.

Both men and woman are guilty of a barren profile and these are the people who bitch most often that they can’t get a date or that the website is somehow sucky and responsible for their being alone on a Saturday night. Humbug. Dating is the same as any other thing you want in life. With a bit of effort, everything is easy.

I don’t think these folks go to work and just sit there because they would fail and get booted back home. Finding a date takes a little bit of effort too, but it is not difficult.

We get mail from a guys who have no ad, no photo, no blog, never sent a comment to a profile, blog or photo, never posted in the forum and don’t send emails. One had been a VIP member for 3 1/2 weeks and demanded that we give him his money back because nobody was real because they wouldn’t respond to him other than to say no thanks.  He just wouldn’t accept that women want to see more than nothing to reply to an email that says, “want to meet?”  The answer is always going to be no.  I find emails like this really frustrating because I’m sure the guy believes it’s all our fault.

If YOU want to get lucky more often, put a little effort into it.

• Make sure you have an ad or profile filled out. Don’t know how? See what other people do.
• No photo? In today’s dating world you need a photo. Not having a photo reduces your chances by up to 70%.
• Write a blog
• Write comments to profiles, photos and blogs
• Post in forums and message boards
• Join a chatroom or videochat
• Play online games
• Get involved in social media

These are all great ways to get noticed. The more you’re noticed, the more profile views you’ll have and that results in contacts.  Think of dating in the same way an advertising agent looks at promoting a new product.  It’s all about getting the most pairs of eyes on the subject. You.

Good luck!

I know you hate to hear that but it’s true. Gone are the days when you could show up in your dirty jeans and stained t-shirt and get a burger at the car-hop joint in town. Ok, that was never an acceptable date but times are changing. The net has shown us that there are lots of people looking for new partners so you have to lift your game if you’re going to be a top contender.

Be fit at any size. You don’t have to be slender to be fit. Be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing your breath. Let your date know that IF you make it to bed that you’re not going to huff and puff and make it all seem like work.

Be clean. There are some people who think bathing is only required on Saturday night. If any of you are here at SexyAds – you’re wrong. 3 day old body odour is unacceptable and will make you undateable. (is that a word?)

Get a clue. Be able to carry on a conversation about something. You don’t have to know everything but know something to talk about. Pick up random tidbits of information on Wikipedia or read a book you can talk about, check the CNN website before your date. When the conversation has a lull in it, that’s when you pop in your profound thoughts. You only want to have sex with them and not discuss the world situation? Honey, nobody can fuck non-stop from door to door. There’s gotta be some travel time and getting undressed time and getting dressed again time.

Be kind. I know there’s the word sex in the name on the door but that is no excuse to leave your manners on the rug outside. Treat people with respect. Sure you might want a dynamo in the bedroom but treat your date with some class and you’ll be amazed at the results you’ll get.

Dating requires effort and a bit of follow-through. You’ve got to make the contacts and go through whatever it takes to make yourself attractive enough to date. I’m not talking about looks here.. your whole person has to attract someone to date. If you’re a Grumpy Gus or a Ditzy Dolly – you’ve got a bit of work to do but it’s all possible!

I know we’re ALL great dates but sometimes it makes sense to review some important points that make up a great date. I don’t know about you but I’m sure if I were dating again I’d probably be guilty of forgetting one or two of these.

1. Keep up with what’s going on in the world. No, you don’t have to become a CNN whore and really you’re better off NOT doing that. Notice that news is all about headlines and that’s where we’re headed with this tip. You need to know more than the headline but not about EVERY news article. If you find something in the news that interests you, learn more about it. The important thing is: Know something that is going on. Get informed. Get on the Internet and learn about it. If there is a huge news story in your area, you’d better be able to talk about it or you’re going to look like a dufus.

2. Form an opinion about something and take a stance. Dont waver and stick to your guns. Kerry didnt win the 2004 election because the Bush campaign painted him as a flip-flopper. Whether you or I agree with that or not is beside the point. The point is if you go out with someone and then change your tune to match theirs, they wont trust you. They will see you as someone who pads what they say to make others feel good. You don’t want to be this person.

People have more respect for someone who stands up for what they believe in, even if they disagree. It shows character.

3. Read at least one good book. I dont care what the book is although a comic book probably doesn’t count.

If you’re having trouble deciding what to read, there is the NY Times Bestseller List, Amazon Bestseller, Barnes and Noble Bestseller, Time Magazines Top 100 Books of all time, UKs The Guardians Top 100 Novels of all time.

Simply choose one really great book that you like, no matter the subject. Read it and really get into it. If you choose a book on a subject that interests you, you’ll enjoy every minute you spend with that book. Once you’re finished, think about what you liked about the book and why you think you liked it. Was there anything in the author’s style of writing that impressed you? You’ve now got an answer if your date asks what book you’ve read lately.

4. Have at least one movie you can talk about. This doesn’t mean your favorite movie. It is hard to think of a favorite movie on the spot for most people, so decide ahead of time what your favorite movie is today. I dont know why people want to know, but they often ask and it is good to be prepared. Most people have a certain genre that they like more than others, but often dont have one that comes to mind in five seconds.

You could choose box office numbers for a favorite movie but for dating I would recommend a quality movie. It will show your intellectual side. Need to be reminded of movie tities? A good site is IMDB Internet Movie Database. Along with some great information on almost every movie ever made, you can find out the producer, director, editor and more of any movie just by putting in the title.

6. Smile. This is so important. Even if you are not attracted to the person right away, you are going to be spending some time with them today so it might as well be pleasant. You might find that you can continue as friends or you may get to like them after spending a little time with them. Theres no benefit in being a jerk by looking like you ate a lemon before they arrived.

7. Look them in the eyes. Do not look elsewhere while you are talking to them. People dont trust people that dont look them in the eyes when talking to them. Eye contact shows that you are interested in them and what they have to say.

8. Say their name when you meet. Hi Rick, I’m Helen.” People like to hear their names and it will register with their subconscious that you know it. While engaged in conversation, use it often. That doesnt mean every sentence, but pepper it throughout the conversation here and there. Rick, can you please pass me the salt. Oh, Helen, look at that amazing architecture.

9. Shake hands when you meet. This is the time to say their name when you introduce yourself, look them in the eyes and smile. Don’t use a death grip; you aren’t trying to impress a business associate. Offering your hand validates the other person and let’s them know that you consider them your equal.

10. Always compliment them on their appearance, even if its not an outfit you would have chosen. They took the time to go through their closet to find an outfit just for you, so you should notice that. You can always find something nice to say, even if you think the outfit is hideous. Maybe it’s a nice color and you could say, that color looks great on you! You dont have to say that you like the outfit. Even if they look pretty ordinary, you can find one thing that you can say something nice about. Wow, you have beautiful eyes. or Your hair looks great. Most importantly, make sure you smile when you give a compliment.

11. Things to talk about. We all know how it feels to have big pauses in a conversation and you feel like you need to say something just to fill the void, but what? A first date isn’t the place to tell someone that your brother just got sent up for rape or that the IRS is about to seize all your assets for non payment of taxes. Keep your first date fun. If there is interest and you want to keep seeing this person, then you should share all the icky bits in your closet.

Here are some topics to keep in mind to keep any conversation going.

Current Events: Don’t get serious on this one, this topic is for quirky news. On the first date stay away from politics, religion, abortion, etc.

Family: Ask about their life growing up at home. How many kids in the family, things they did for fun, etc.

History: What school they went to, where they grew up, where they have lived, etc.

Work: What they do, people at work, etc.

Holidays: If it is nearing a holiday, ask what their plans are. Are they going out of town, hosting the family get together, etc?

Hobbies and sports: If they mention something in their profile about leisure activities, ask about it.. So you mentioned you like softball, do you play on a league? Follow up with a question that cant be answered with a yes or no.

Architecture: If you are walking outside, be observant, point out architecture and start a discussion on it.

Nature: You can find beauty everywhere you look. Mention the trees, plants, and flowers around you. Notice the color. Be observant.

That’s it. If you keep these points in mind, you’ll be a favorite date of everyone you meet.

Recently, this question was asked of heaps of women on About.com and the results were really interesting to me. The women said that if you wanted to meet someone, a pub, bar or tavern wasn’t their place of first choice. They’d go to a coffee shop and when someone came in that they were really interested in, they’d make eye contact. If that worked then they’d either ask for suggestions on what was best, ask if they liked what they were served (you might want that next time) or ask what time it was. These are all excellent ice breakers and I can see why it works.

So let’s take this reasoning and put it in an online dating scenario and I have to tell you, “hot tits!” isn’t quite the same as an introduction. The coffee shop women all used personal information they gleaned from watching the men. They looked at what they were eating or they watched them deciding what to order or they noticed the guy had a watch and asked for the time. Why? Noticing these things raised their chances of success.

If you want to really catch a woman’s eye, then let her know how she caught yours. What about her caused you to want to contact her. Why her? Is she special or would you want any female with a heartbeat? She wants to be more special than that.