I know you hate to hear that but it’s true. Gone are the days when you could show up in your dirty jeans and stained t-shirt and get a burger at the car-hop joint in town. Ok, that was never an acceptable date but times are changing. The net has shown us that there are lots of people looking for new partners so you have to lift your game if you’re going to be a top contender.

Be fit at any size. You don’t have to be slender to be fit. Be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing your breath. Let your date know that IF you make it to bed that you’re not going to huff and puff and make it all seem like work.

Be clean. There are some people who think bathing is only required on Saturday night. If any of you are here at SexyAds – you’re wrong. 3 day old body odour is unacceptable and will make you undateable. (is that a word?)

Get a clue. Be able to carry on a conversation about something. You don’t have to know everything but know something to talk about. Pick up random tidbits of information on Wikipedia or read a book you can talk about, check the CNN website before your date. When the conversation has a lull in it, that’s when you pop in your profound thoughts. You only want to have sex with them and not discuss the world situation? Honey, nobody can fuck non-stop from door to door. There’s gotta be some travel time and getting undressed time and getting dressed again time.

Be kind. I know there’s the word sex in the name on the door but that is no excuse to leave your manners on the rug outside. Treat people with respect. Sure you might want a dynamo in the bedroom but treat your date with some class and you’ll be amazed at the results you’ll get.

Dating requires effort and a bit of follow-through. You’ve got to make the contacts and go through whatever it takes to make yourself attractive enough to date. I’m not talking about looks here.. your whole person has to attract someone to date. If you’re a Grumpy Gus or a Ditzy Dolly – you’ve got a bit of work to do but it’s all possible!

I know we’re ALL great dates but sometimes it makes sense to review some important points that make up a great date. I don’t know about you but I’m sure if I were dating again I’d probably be guilty of forgetting one or two of these.

1. Keep up with what’s going on in the world. No, you don’t have to become a CNN whore and really you’re better off NOT doing that. Notice that news is all about headlines and that’s where we’re headed with this tip. You need to know more than the headline but not about EVERY news article. If you find something in the news that interests you, learn more about it. The important thing is: Know something that is going on. Get informed. Get on the Internet and learn about it. If there is a huge news story in your area, you’d better be able to talk about it or you’re going to look like a dufus.

2. Form an opinion about something and take a stance. Dont waver and stick to your guns. Kerry didnt win the 2004 election because the Bush campaign painted him as a flip-flopper. Whether you or I agree with that or not is beside the point. The point is if you go out with someone and then change your tune to match theirs, they wont trust you. They will see you as someone who pads what they say to make others feel good. You don’t want to be this person.

People have more respect for someone who stands up for what they believe in, even if they disagree. It shows character.

3. Read at least one good book. I dont care what the book is although a comic book probably doesn’t count.

If you’re having trouble deciding what to read, there is the NY Times Bestseller List, Amazon Bestseller, Barnes and Noble Bestseller, Time Magazines Top 100 Books of all time, UKs The Guardians Top 100 Novels of all time.

Simply choose one really great book that you like, no matter the subject. Read it and really get into it. If you choose a book on a subject that interests you, you’ll enjoy every minute you spend with that book. Once you’re finished, think about what you liked about the book and why you think you liked it. Was there anything in the author’s style of writing that impressed you? You’ve now got an answer if your date asks what book you’ve read lately.

4. Have at least one movie you can talk about. This doesn’t mean your favorite movie. It is hard to think of a favorite movie on the spot for most people, so decide ahead of time what your favorite movie is today. I dont know why people want to know, but they often ask and it is good to be prepared. Most people have a certain genre that they like more than others, but often dont have one that comes to mind in five seconds.

You could choose box office numbers for a favorite movie but for dating I would recommend a quality movie. It will show your intellectual side. Need to be reminded of movie tities? A good site is IMDB Internet Movie Database. Along with some great information on almost every movie ever made, you can find out the producer, director, editor and more of any movie just by putting in the title.

6. Smile. This is so important. Even if you are not attracted to the person right away, you are going to be spending some time with them today so it might as well be pleasant. You might find that you can continue as friends or you may get to like them after spending a little time with them. Theres no benefit in being a jerk by looking like you ate a lemon before they arrived.

7. Look them in the eyes. Do not look elsewhere while you are talking to them. People dont trust people that dont look them in the eyes when talking to them. Eye contact shows that you are interested in them and what they have to say.

8. Say their name when you meet. Hi Rick, I’m Helen.” People like to hear their names and it will register with their subconscious that you know it. While engaged in conversation, use it often. That doesnt mean every sentence, but pepper it throughout the conversation here and there. Rick, can you please pass me the salt. Oh, Helen, look at that amazing architecture.

9. Shake hands when you meet. This is the time to say their name when you introduce yourself, look them in the eyes and smile. Don’t use a death grip; you aren’t trying to impress a business associate. Offering your hand validates the other person and let’s them know that you consider them your equal.

10. Always compliment them on their appearance, even if its not an outfit you would have chosen. They took the time to go through their closet to find an outfit just for you, so you should notice that. You can always find something nice to say, even if you think the outfit is hideous. Maybe it’s a nice color and you could say, that color looks great on you! You dont have to say that you like the outfit. Even if they look pretty ordinary, you can find one thing that you can say something nice about. Wow, you have beautiful eyes. or Your hair looks great. Most importantly, make sure you smile when you give a compliment.

11. Things to talk about. We all know how it feels to have big pauses in a conversation and you feel like you need to say something just to fill the void, but what? A first date isn’t the place to tell someone that your brother just got sent up for rape or that the IRS is about to seize all your assets for non payment of taxes. Keep your first date fun. If there is interest and you want to keep seeing this person, then you should share all the icky bits in your closet.

Here are some topics to keep in mind to keep any conversation going.

Current Events: Don’t get serious on this one, this topic is for quirky news. On the first date stay away from politics, religion, abortion, etc.

Family: Ask about their life growing up at home. How many kids in the family, things they did for fun, etc.

History: What school they went to, where they grew up, where they have lived, etc.

Work: What they do, people at work, etc.

Holidays: If it is nearing a holiday, ask what their plans are. Are they going out of town, hosting the family get together, etc?

Hobbies and sports: If they mention something in their profile about leisure activities, ask about it.. So you mentioned you like softball, do you play on a league? Follow up with a question that cant be answered with a yes or no.

Architecture: If you are walking outside, be observant, point out architecture and start a discussion on it.

Nature: You can find beauty everywhere you look. Mention the trees, plants, and flowers around you. Notice the color. Be observant.

That’s it. If you keep these points in mind, you’ll be a favorite date of everyone you meet.

Recently, this question was asked of heaps of women on About.com and the results were really interesting to me. The women said that if you wanted to meet someone, a pub, bar or tavern wasn’t their place of first choice. They’d go to a coffee shop and when someone came in that they were really interested in, they’d make eye contact. If that worked then they’d either ask for suggestions on what was best, ask if they liked what they were served (you might want that next time) or ask what time it was. These are all excellent ice breakers and I can see why it works.

So let’s take this reasoning and put it in an online dating scenario and I have to tell you, “hot tits!” isn’t quite the same as an introduction. The coffee shop women all used personal information they gleaned from watching the men. They looked at what they were eating or they watched them deciding what to order or they noticed the guy had a watch and asked for the time. Why? Noticing these things raised their chances of success.

If you want to really catch a woman’s eye, then let her know how she caught yours. What about her caused you to want to contact her. Why her? Is she special or would you want any female with a heartbeat? She wants to be more special than that.

Know how you feel when you’ve got a date with someone coming up? I do and most of the time the anticipation gives me a healthy fantasy life. Dating shouldn’t be just for the unmarried or uncommitted people, it should be for everyone. I’ve been dating my husband for a long time and I have no intention of stopping. Date night makes us both feel a closeness that we sometimes miss with the day to day problems and issues that life throws at us.

What’s the difference between a date and just going out? Heaps!! When you have a date you spend a bit more time with your appearance. Men take the time to shave so there’s no burning when kissing gets a bit intense. Women put on clothes they know will get some attention. If you’re in a relationship now, you’ve been there and if you aren’t, you are already doing all these things. The old saying really is true, when you look good, you feel good.

Dating keeps a relationship from going stale. Boredom is the cause of way too many wandering eyes. We all want excitement and passion in our lives and that’s what we had when we were first dating – so let’s not lose that!

When you’re on a date you talk to each other. You talk now, I know, but it’s usually in 90 second burst of “what’s for dinner?” or “did you take out the trash?” or “can you get the casserole dish from the top of the cabinet please?” Sitting across from each other at dinner while on your date you can focus on what brought you two together in the first place. One reminder though, don’t use date night to settle any conflict – it will ruin date night that night and in the future if one of you is waiting for the conflict shoe to drop.

Vary your date nights. Do something different or something wild and crazy. A movie one week, a rodeo the next, a burlesque show the next, bowling the next, ice skating or even a picnic. When you plan ahead you have a week to anticipate what’s going to happen. Imagine on the afternoon of date night and you send your date a text that says, “Do I need to wear underwear tonight?” Let the fantasies begin!

One of the best things a successful dater can be is a good loser. Those who know how to accept rejection gracefully find it really easy to move on to someone new. Rejection can be difficult for some people because they tie “No thanks” to their self worth. People who react badly to rejection seem to act like they didn’t get the person that they wanted and that is a big sign that they are unworthy of attracting someone like that.

That’s SO complicating life and it’s so unnecessary. It just means that person wasn’t the best choice right now. Maybe now isn’t the right time. Accepting a no thanks to a friendship/relationship approach doesn’t have to be ugly. Over the years we’ve seen some pretty nasty communications reported just because the man or woman wasn’t interested.

I wouldn’t want to date an old hag like you anyway
You probably have every disease known to man
You’re too fat to fuck anyway
and my personal pick.. “I would have only had sex with you as a favor and out of pity for the pathetic fuck you are”
This sort of reaction is a defense mechanism some people use to blame the person who’s rejected them of being horrible and then the rejected is rejecting the rejector. (complicated I know.. but you get the point)

Let’s not misunderstand rejection. It’s not a one-way street. How many times in your life have you said to yourself, “that person is just not for me?” It can be for all sorts of reasons but it’s always because something inside you says it doesn’t feel right. Sometimes we don’t know why it doesn’t feel right – it just doesn’t. In those cases would you expect the person who isn’t right for you to feel unworthy of someone as great as you are? I doubt it. Probably very few of us think we’re God’s gift to everyone.

So if you get a no thanks from someone, chalk it up to experience and be kind to yourself and have confidence that the right person WILL come along. Know that everyone, everywhere gets rejected. It’s just part of life. Getting back in the saddle and having another go makes good sense.