“For things to change, you must get a picture of what you want them to change to.”

I let the words sink in for a few minutes and then realized how right she was. Our friend focuses all the time on what has happened to her, she’s always a victim because she can only see herself as a victim. So I thought about those 17 words in the context of dating and relationships and I think she might be on to something there too. If you see yourself as single and dateless, why not try changing your focus. See yourself as someone desirable who hasn’t found the right one.. yet!

1. Stay out of trouble

2. Aim for greater heights

3. Stay focused on your job

4. Exercise to maintain good health

5. Practice teamwork

6. Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back, but take your time trusting others

7. Save for a rainy day

8. Rest and relax

9. Always take time to smile, it makes the world a better place

10. Realize that NOTHING is impossible

You’ve got charisma!

How do I know? — You’ve got charisma because you’re open to the world around you and ready to learn new things that the universe has to offer. And if there’s one characteristic you always find in charismatic people, it’s openness.

You might not know that you have it but I can sense it.

Charisma is easy to spot. You could probably name a dozen “charismatic” people you know in politics, the entertainment industry, or your personal life. But even though it’s easy to spot, charisma isn’t so easy to break down into its key components.

The “It” Factor

It’s not so easy to identify exactly what it is about a person that makes him or her charismatic. You know when someone’s got “it;” you just can’t quite define what “it” is.

Charisma is an attractiveness that goes beyond good looks
– an appeal that can’t be labelled
– captivating quality that isn’t the result of simple intellectual brilliance or a terrific sense of humor.

Most people see charisma as something elusive and unachievable—a kind of magical, mysterious magnetism that you’re either born with or not. Nothing could be further from the truth!

You can develop your own charisma.

Charisma is defined as “a certain presence.” When a charismatic person enters a room, their mere presence draws attention and their energy may radiate to enliven the entire gathering. They have self-confidence and the ability to pass that on to others.

It does take some work to improve your charisma.
(Don’t worry…the work is actually fun)

1. You’ll get far more respect than the average person.
2. People will be drawn to you without any effort on your part.
3. You’ll exude self-confidence.
4. You’ll seem powerful without being intimidating.
5. You’ll put people at ease and make them feel understood.
6. And you’ll be able to easily get what you want, because people will instinctively want to help you.

Everyone in your surroundings will be influenced by you. People will seem happier when they’re around you. They’ll feel better about themselves as they try to emulate you.

Honestly, your charisma makes you irresistible.

Charismatic when speaking
We tend to equate charisma with a type of sex appeal or charm, but you can find charismatic leaders who were pretty darn unattractive. Look at British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, unarguably tremendously charismatic, but you wouldn’t choose him for a one-night-stand.

One ability of a charismatic person is eliciting images in the mind of a follower or acquaintance. Words that make it easy to “see” the message that someone is trying to get across.

Speak from within
You’re probably like most people; you don’t involve your body in your speaking. You take shallow breaths and when you speak, the resonance of your voice probably comes mainly out of your throat, neck and head. Practice deep breathing and let the sound come from deeper in your body.

Exercise: Open Up and Say Ahhhhh. Try breathing deeply and saying “ahhhh, ahhhh, ahhhh” with each breath, letting the sound come out of a lower place in your body. Then try speaking. You’ll find that your voice is more resonant and easier to listen to. Practice every day and after a while your habit of breathing will change, and your vocal tone will change along with it.

Speak with enthusiasm
Many people who have been told that they lack charisma have usually gotten into the habit of never showing any real excitement or emotion about anything.

Charismatic, attractive people, on the other hand, are good at conveying their enthusiasm about things in their lives by the way that they speak. You can learn to do this by practicing speaking excitedly about things.

Again, it’s by practice. Choose a topic and practice speaking about that topic with enthusiasm. Really let yourself go, and get excited about it! It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about sex, a recipe for brownies, baseball, your business, or world politics. The subject doesn’t matter nearly as much as your ability to convey your excitement about it.

Charismatic people know what they want
Many people who come across as boring and un-focused were not rewarded during their formative years for speaking with certainly or decisiveness. As a result, they’ve come to believe that the best way to get along in life was to stay “under the radar,” and to never appear too committed to anything

That’s okay if you just want to “get along” and you don’t mind being completely devoid of charisma, plus all the benefits that charisma brings.

If you’d rather do more than just get along, if you’d like to really be charismatic in your personal and business life, it’s time to start experimenting with speaking with certainty.

Things to do

So last night I was lying in bed churning over ideas that pop in (and out) of my mind and I thought that perhaps there IS something to that. I talk with people every day who say, “I couldn’t get laid no matter how hard I tried.” These people are usually right. They believe this and that’s how it turns out.

It just goes back to that old saying, “If you think you can you can, and if you think you can’t you can’t.” Things always go better for me when I’m confident.

If you’ve ever been guilty of thinking or saying negative things about yourself, you should read this book. You can download a copy on the net for free and it’s not a big book. There’s a lot to be said for having the confidence to know you can — get a date, earn more money, feel better.

Regardless of what it is, if you think you can or you think you can’t, you’ll always be right.