Videochat can be a whole lot of fun and people tell us every week how much they enjoyed themselves. Also, we see comments going back and forth where someone is saying how much fun they had last night. A check or two of the cams and some people are always G-rated and some, well, you’ll just have to see for yourself how sexy they can be on cam.

As the Internet has grown over the past 13 years we’ve been in business, a certain videochat etiquette has emerged — created and developed by the users themselves. There are a couple of things to remember when chatting via videocams with a group of people.

Don’t be a leghumper.

I don’t like to be sexist but we don’t have any problems with women going on and on asking a man to take off his clothes or show this bit or that bit. Why?  Because most women don’t ask.  They assume men come from the factory with all the mod cons.

The women who cam have been mentioning how annoying it is when men try to play director. These women are real people and they aren’t working in chat for a living. They’re on cam to enjoy themselves because they love feeling sexy and this is one outlet for sexual expression. Don’t ruin it for everyone by playing director and causing the women to stop videochatting.

No means no.

We’ve had a couple of people write to us at SexyAds.com because this woman or that woman wouldn’t let them view their cam. Tough. That’s how life is. If life were perfect we’d all be millionaires and drive around in fancy cars. How do you get to watch their cams? Be friendly. That makes you appear trustworthy. Begging is never attractive and it really pisses off the rest of the people in the chatroom when someone goes on and on and on begging to view a cam.

I was talking with some friends over the weekend and you know how sex seems to come up after you’ve had a few drinks. The question for the night was, is there a certain time, a certain place or after a certain activity that you want sex more than at other times?

We all looked at each other and we all waited to see who’d answer first and nobody did. The topic changed and we went on to some ordinary subject.

A while later one of the women said, “you know, I’ve been thinking about it and I think I’m horniest after reading an erotic story or bits of a book with an erotic scene in it. I can always put myself in the picture and it gets me going.”

That started everyone talking. It seems that there could be reliable triggers that work for some people. One woman said that when she was cooking and smelled the spice cumin, she would start thinking about sex. My friend Ret said it was her husband’s smell of “after shower and deodorant”, she couldn’t resist him. There was a group of 9 women and not one woman had the same trigger.

Do you have a trigger that you know will always get your motor going?

They weren’t kidding when they said diamonds are a girl’s best friend!

While one person’s Don Juan is another person’s Frankenstein, surely there must be some sort of standard that we can all agree on? Helen Gurley Brown, author of Sex and the Single Girl, reckons the definition is simple: “She is a woman who likes sex.”

Yet when I asked friends to define what they thought was sexy, I got such a bevy of mixed responses, you’d wonder how the heck a man’s magazine would ever get it right.

“It’s personality as much as appearance,” said one woman.

“It’s having a killer body and knowing how to carry it off well,” chirped said one of my male friends.

“It’s all in the attitude,” my husband says.

If those pages of the mens’ mags are to be believed, sexiness can be described by the four B’s: boobs, butts, bikinis and Brazilians.

The guys in the group say that’s not so at all. What’s sexy is a woman, regardless of looks, who feels sexy herself.

As for the women? Sex appeal runs the gamut of someone intelligent, someone who can make you smile, someone who thinks of you as human, (opposed to a sex object) and finally, I have one friend who said a man with good shoes was sexy because it meant he paid attention to detail. (She IS a bit of a list maker.)

When the the ex-Miss Universe was asked what she thought was sexy she said, “High-heeled shoes for women, casual jeans for men, and being natural, not too pushy and oozing confidence.”

I’m not sure about the high-heeled shoes but she’s absolutely right about being natural and confident!

I was chatting with a guy in one of the chatrooms yesterday and he was telling me that he’d been at SexyAds for nearly 4 years and had never been what he’d call successful in dating women. I’m always up for a challenge like that, and I had seen him in the chatroom on quite a few occasions so I knew he was truthful when he said he’d been around for a while. I looked up his details and then ran a scan of the mail logs for his nick. Sure enough in 4 years he had never sent ONE initial email. He’d answered a few but he’d never sent one. So I asked why.

He told me he’d have to be a VIP member to send an email so he just waited around til someone wrote to him. So I asked why again? Was the cost of the membership so much that he couldn’t afford it and if so, how did he plan to entertain a woman if he found one. He said that he felt that all sites were ripoffs and that he stayed at SexyAds because all the people seemed real and he could talk to them for nothing.

I had to bite my fingers or say something I’d regret, so I said that if the people seemed real and he got so much for free, why wouldn’t he consider upgrading to move things from the computer to real life? He said maybe he should think about that but he always hoped that the women would find his ad and write to him – somehow that would make them more sincere. Women don’t peruse the profiles as much as men hope they do. They don’t have to because the hunter in a man gets there first.

I asked him how many times had he been to a bar or club and had had tons of women try to pick him up? How about at parties? He had to admit that it had never happened that way, that he’d always had to make the first move.

Then he said what I was waiting for, “Ok, Maureen, I get it.” He joined and wrote to about 30 women that interested him and he got 5 replies within 5 hours and just had to tell me. I did give him some tips on that first email but he did it all on his own.

The moral of the story is that regardless of women’s liberation and assertive women – the majority of women wait for a man to take that first step.