Knowing what you want in a partner is the first step I think when you’re stepping back into the dating pool. Should he be taller than me? Should she have soft round curves? Must he be well educated or is intelligence more important? The list goes on and on.

When people are in their early twenties, they have an image in their minds of the person they want to spend passionate times with. I wager I could ask 10 people who are over 35 if they are with the person they imagined back when they were 20 and most will say no. Why? Because as we gain in maturity we look more for character and “chemistry” than looks or lust. I don’t mean for a minute that I think lust plays no part at all in who we desire but we look for other characteristics that we’ve learned to place a lot of value in.

What’s equally as important as knowing what we want in a potential partner, is what you cannot tolerate in another person. If you’re dating someone who trips one of those I can’t stand it triggers, don’t proceed with the relationship. It will never get better and you’ll never get him or her to change just to please you. Life isn’t that simple. You can change yourself and sometimes those changes in yourself cause changes in those around you but you can never change someone else. So get clear on what things you know you can’t tolerate. We’ve all got about 10 important things that will probably drive us up the wall if our partner or date did. More than 10 and you’re too picky and you need to cut that list back.

Still not sure you know exactly what you want? Get out of the house! Meet people! Take every opportunity you can to expand your social circle. Speak to strangers. Chat up the man or woman in the grocery checkout line. Take a night class in something you’ve always wanted to learn more about. Every opportunity you have to meet someone new will show you more things that you like or don’t like in other people. One idea I learned about recently from an online friend – he had some calling cards made up (like business cards but without the business information) and he keeps a few in his pocket for those chance meetings. It’s a good idea. Have your name and your email address printed on the card. You’ll never have to ask for a number – if he or she is interested, they’ll email.

Finally, expect good things to happen. Limit that voice that says, “you’ll never find the right person,” because you’re limiting yourself when you listen to that voice. Had back luck? Learn from it and move on — let it go. Life is meant to be lived in joy. Look for the joy and before you know it, you’ll find some hotty and you’ll be playing like rabbits on a warm summer day.

Have you ever had a day when most things just aren’t going right? Well, I think today is starting out like that. First, I received a “you’ve got a new profile comment” from our site at SexyAds.com and went to check it out. The first comment is show me your tits and the 2nd is a photo with my head on Olive Oyl’s body. Now don’t get me wrong, my head on ANY skinny body would normally make me grin from ear to ear, but before I could enjoy it I saw I had new mail. Without taking the time to reply to the loonies who’d left the two comments, I started answering my mail.

The first email was from a long-time friend and that was nice to catch up. He is living the most extraordinary life and meeting more women that is probably healthy for him. Then I got one of the mails I always dread. What is it about a site like this that turns some men’s brains into mush? It’s like women aren’t real people if they think they’re sexy, so it’s okay to write anything you want and expect a speedy reply. Ok, so here’s what he said – no hello, how are you, what are you looking for, you look interesting.. – nothing at all to make me think he’s remotely interested in me as a human being. Oh no, as far as I’m concerned, to this guy, I’m a walking sperm receptacle. You want to know what the mail said, don’t you?

“You look interesting, I might find time to shag you.”

What planet did he drop off from?? I know I’m not beautiful and I know I’m not skinny, but Mister Turdhead can go screw himself if he thinks for one minute that any woman is desperate enough to respond to that email. Of course that does bring up the fact that he never read my ad that said I am the maintenance person around here and I’m not looking for anyone. If I get mail like that, can you imagine what some women who really are seeking a man are getting?  Women who are actively looking shouldn’t have to read vulgar or explicit emails just because they think they’re sexy and they want to find someone else who feels the same way.  Sexy does not mean crude and vulgar. It never has meant that.

Then I read the next email and my day changed forever. THIS GUY will find someone special within a week. He made me feel like a million dollars in only one line and I can’t imagine a woman who wouldn’t reply to a mail like this. He sent a compliment about the site which was really nice and very much appreciated but he ended it with…

ur yummy by the way – cheers

Not much was it? Everyone likes a compliment – men and women. We love being noticed and appreciated and in 5 words he told me that he’d seen my photo, and had taken the time to learn that I help run the joint. He’s my hero for the day, I tell ya.

If you’re a guy on an adult dating site and you’re not getting the responses you hope for, take a page out of this guy’s book and find something to compliment her about. Show you’ve taken the time to read her ad and check out her photos. You’ll be rewarded.

Studies tell us that when we meet a person of the opposite sex (or the same sex if that’s your game) online we build a virtual intimacy not unlike dating in person. There is a reason so many men and women engage in cybersex when they’re on the net. It’s not because they only want to explore their sexuality – they do it because it works for them. They can get sexually aroused by talking sexy with another person.

The worry then is when two people who’ve been doing the virtual rumpy pumpy finally meet in person. It’s a first date but these two people have discussed their sexuality for hours and hours. They feel a sense of emotional ownership of a relationship that may or may not exist for the other person. They meet, they kiss and off they go to experience sex in a physical sense.

Why do I say worry? When you’re having sex with one partner exclusively as in marriage or long term partnering, most people don’t worry about safe sex. I know people should but trust has come in and the need to be safe doesn’t seem so important. What then for someone who has had net sex for months and is “sure” that the other person is being honest about no sex with anyone else? They have unprotected sex, that’s what they do.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 50% of women use a condom when having sex with a partner for the first time. I would guess that it drops to much less than 50% for those women who’ve had a virtual intimate relationship. Ladies, be safe. Always us a condom when having sex with someone new. It just doesn’t make sense to do otherwise.

Is your social life stuck? Too many people today are so busy with their job and their family and their commitments that they don’t spend much time at all being social. Some people are shy at first and find making friends uncomfortable or difficult. All of us who are in the slim social life group should make a pact that THIS YEAR is going to be the year that we break out of the rut we’re in. Here are a few tried and tested tips for making changes you can be proud of in your life.

Spend some time soul searching about what things you really enjoy doing. We all do things because our friends enjoy them or our family enjoys them but in this instance, let’s focus on what WE enjoy doing. Make the list as long as you want. Maybe you want to meet people in the swinger lifestyle or meet people who enjoy cooking and dinner parties or people who like to play chess or anything you can think of. There are people out there who’d welcome a new friend. Few people have too many friends.

Even if you’re shy, making friends is easy. You make friends by repeated exposure to one another. Check out an online chatroom or forum and you’ll see what I mean. People are friends because they chat back and forth nearly every day. That’s how friends are made on and off-line. If you go to a swingers club every weekend, you are bound to make new friends. If you play chess every Wednesday, you’re bound to make friends. It takes getting off your butt and doing something about it. We ARE in control of our lives if we want to be.

Still got your list of things you like to do? Join a dating site or social networking site and find someone to share these interests with! If you love seeing foreign films, write that in your profile or ad and find someone else who enjoys doing that too. Once you have a friend and if it’s a friend of the gender you’re attracted to and you like each other.. nature takes over and does all the work for you.

Every city has a newcomers club or association. It doesn’t matter if you’re not new – go along anyway. You’ll find other people who are looking to expand their circle of friends.

Don’t spend this year doing the same old things the same old way. Create the life you want. It’s more than possible.

Videochat can be a whole lot of fun and people tell us every week how much they enjoyed themselves. Also, we see comments going back and forth where someone is saying how much fun they had last night. A check or two of the cams and some people are always G-rated and some, well, you’ll just have to see for yourself how sexy they can be on cam.

As the Internet has grown over the past 13 years we’ve been in business, a certain videochat etiquette has emerged — created and developed by the users themselves. There are a couple of things to remember when chatting via videocams with a group of people.

Don’t be a leghumper.

I don’t like to be sexist but we don’t have any problems with women going on and on asking a man to take off his clothes or show this bit or that bit. Why?  Because most women don’t ask.  They assume men come from the factory with all the mod cons.

The women who cam have been mentioning how annoying it is when men try to play director. These women are real people and they aren’t working in chat for a living. They’re on cam to enjoy themselves because they love feeling sexy and this is one outlet for sexual expression. Don’t ruin it for everyone by playing director and causing the women to stop videochatting.

No means no.

We’ve had a couple of people write to us at SexyAds.com because this woman or that woman wouldn’t let them view their cam. Tough. That’s how life is. If life were perfect we’d all be millionaires and drive around in fancy cars. How do you get to watch their cams? Be friendly. That makes you appear trustworthy. Begging is never attractive and it really pisses off the rest of the people in the chatroom when someone goes on and on and on begging to view a cam.