I know you hate to hear that but it’s true. Gone are the days when you could show up in your dirty jeans and stained t-shirt and get a burger at the car-hop joint in town. Ok, that was never an acceptable date but times are changing. The net has shown us that there are lots of people looking for new partners so you have to lift your game if you’re going to be a top contender.

Be fit at any size. You don’t have to be slender to be fit. Be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing your breath. Let your date know that IF you make it to bed that you’re not going to huff and puff and make it all seem like work.

Be clean. There are some people who think bathing is only required on Saturday night. If any of you are here at SexyAds – you’re wrong. 3 day old body odour is unacceptable and will make you undateable. (is that a word?)

Get a clue. Be able to carry on a conversation about something. You don’t have to know everything but know something to talk about. Pick up random tidbits of information on Wikipedia or read a book you can talk about, check the CNN website before your date. When the conversation has a lull in it, that’s when you pop in your profound thoughts. You only want to have sex with them and not discuss the world situation? Honey, nobody can fuck non-stop from door to door. There’s gotta be some travel time and getting undressed time and getting dressed again time.

Be kind. I know there’s the word sex in the name on the door but that is no excuse to leave your manners on the rug outside. Treat people with respect. Sure you might want a dynamo in the bedroom but treat your date with some class and you’ll be amazed at the results you’ll get.

Dating requires effort and a bit of follow-through. You’ve got to make the contacts and go through whatever it takes to make yourself attractive enough to date. I’m not talking about looks here.. your whole person has to attract someone to date. If you’re a Grumpy Gus or a Ditzy Dolly – you’ve got a bit of work to do but it’s all possible!

You wake up at 5:30am and dash to the computer to make sure you get a chance to say hi because you can’t wait all day to have a chat. The time difference means that you have to make changes in your lifestyle so you can catch up with your new sweetie at every opportunity. You’re madly in lust and thousands of miles apart – you live for the moments you’re together online.

We see this every day at SexyAds and we remember what it was like for us too. We were 10,000 miles apart and the time was really wacky. He would stay up half the night to chat with me and I’d get up at the buttcrack of dawn to make sure I talked with him in case he went to bed early. There was nothing we wouldn’t have done to make contact.

Are long distance relationships worth all that? Probably not for everyone. You have to put off the cuddles, kisses, hugs and more until you’re physically in the same space and some won’t do that. For us they were. WE knew there was something special about the other that we didn’t want to lose. So for those of you languishing in a bubble bath with your new love, we spent money on the phone and felt just as close. Because of the internet and phone, we never felt loneliness or despair. There was PLENTY of longing though. We kept saying we just wanted to touch and for the first week that’s all we did!

There does come a time where you sit on the threshold of an online sweetie and a commitment to a person a long distance away. Is this person worth all this effort? Is this person going to cheat on you? Is this person really who they say they are in the first place? We knew.. inside, we knew. The odds are not in favor of a long distance relationship (especially one of that distance) working out but we knew we’d beat those odds.

I’ll admit there were times that it seemed all too hard. The flat screen can make it difficult to tell when the other person is being sarcastic or funny and sometimes I’d hit the ceiling assuming he said something shitty when he meant nothing at all. There were the times when we were supposed to meet and he didn’t show – had he moved on? Was he looking for someone else? I would always realize that I trusted him and he’d show up. It doesn’t matter what kind of love you have – it’s not always easy. You might be arguing over which way the toilet paper should be hung or that you really hate broccoli and it seems to always be on the menu. People in a long distance relationship have different issues but the feelings you have are real – and this relationship can bring you joy.

I got an email from a guy yesterday and I felt really bad for him. He told me that he’d been in a relationship for more than 11 months and he really cared for her a lot. He was pretty sure she loved him but wished she’d show it more.

“Every night we watch tv and I rub her feet,” he said.

“I bring home a surprise for her several times a week and I’m always thinking of ways I can show her that I care,” so why doesn’t she reciprocate?

The sad fact is that she probably isn’t as much in love as he is. She might be seeing all the things he’s doing as smothering when he sees them as romantic gestures. It was tough to write to him and tell him that if she’s not in the relationship giving as much as she’s receiving, he’s wasting his time with this woman.

Why?

Because if he accepts this behavior from her, it’s only going to get worse and then he’s going to feel taken for granted and grow ever more resentful of her as time passes. I can’t know but my guess is that the first guy who comes along that brings out urges to show him that she cares – she’ll jump ship and leave this guy after all he’s done to build a relationship with her.

Being in a married relationship with children is one thing and that always brings special problems but if you aren’t married and have no children together, why be a doormat? I suggested that he dust himself off and confront her about his feelings and if he didn’t feel 100% confident that she was fully committed to him – it’s time to move on.

What would your advice have been?

If you’re not, it’s not too late to start today. Do you know how to get someone to respond to your email?

1. Keep it Simple: Use light-hearted emails with an upbeat tone to attract dates online. A 40ish woman told me, “Make your responses simple and use easy questions in your emails if you want to flirt with me.” There is no need for long emails either. A guy recently told me, “I can tell if I am interested in 3-4 sentences.”

2. Make humor your friend: A guy from Missouri told me, “I look at the woman’s profile and ad and then I can tell what kind of humor to put in my reply. If she’s baring her breasts in her photo or she’s got a sexy ad, then my humor is subltly sexy. If she’s got a vanilla photo or ad, then I respond accordingly but I always put something funny in my mail. If I can make her laugh in my mail, I have a better chance at a reply. Humor is definitely sexy and so is confidence. When I write emails I KNOW I’m worth a reply. I think it shows through.”

3. Hand out Compliments: One of the easiest and best ways to flirt online is to extend a sincere compliment. One woman from Florida said, “I always try to say something simple, but sincere.” You might say to someone, “You look terrific in red.” She added, “Be sincere and don’t throw out phony crap, a guy can see that a mile away.” Same thing goes for men writing to women.

Need some ideas for initial emails?

1. Where did you get that fantastic smile?
2. What is your favorite ice cream?
3. What is one thing you like to do on a Sunday with a date for fun?
4. What would you do if we got stuck in a snow storm in the mountains?
5. If you were going to take me out for a romantic evening, what would we do?
6. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
7. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?
8. How long have you been sailing? (ask about something in their profile).
9. Wow, is that your golden retriever, he’s really cute? (compliment something in their photograph).
10. When are we going to meet to find out whether we would ever want to kiss each other? (Depending on the person, you can sound cute using this one)

Pulse racing and knees shaking. Hands trembling and eyes twinkling. Do these signs sound familiar? I bet they are! You don’t have to own a secret decoder ring or be a rocket scientist to recognize the different types of lusty, flirty signals. And yes, before you open your mouth to ask, there really is such a thing.

To begin our adventure in the glorious world of flirting, imagine this. There are like a hundred people in the room but you lock eyes with a certain someone. So you stop and stare. In an instant, your eyes are locked in a game of endless gazing If you lock eyes with someone for more than once, then it’s not just an accident anymore. When someone meets your eyes for two or three times, that person is most definitely trying to get your attention. This is among the basic types of flirting signals. Of course, this is all done in subtlety. You have to somehow keep your cool and composure. Otherwise, it just might be a person who thinks you’re a familiar face.

Many types of flirting signals have something to do with where the eyes land. For example, when a person keeps looking at your lips, you either have some spinach hanging from them or that person wants to kiss you. So you better think fast and figure out what that gaze means AND decide if you want to be kissed by this person. I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to decide that question for yourself!

If you’re feeling a bit bold tonight, why not go out and test these signals out? After all, it never hurts to strike while the iron is hot. Go out and let the inner flirt in you shine.