Anyone who has broken up with someone they loved knows that in many cases you will still think about that person for a long time after you make the split. Sometimes you will think of the good times you had and if you made the right choice by going separate ways. In my experience breaking up has always been a blessing. I dont usually recognize that right away while Im still in the mourning phase of the breakup, but with time I realize that the split happened for a reason and what would prevent it from happening again should we get back together at some point.

If you were to sit down and take an inventory of the things that cause your breakup you would realize that getting back together would just bring back those old troubling scenarios. I know there were some good times you can point to, but good times can be had with someone new, however difficult it may be to envision that when youre single again after being with someone for so long.

Many of these so called relationship experts will emphasize the need to try and work out issues with your mate. While that is partially true, chances are slim they wont rise to the surface at some point in the future.

There are over six billion people in the world, thus giving single people no good reason to settle down with someone they have had issues with in the past. Every minute we spend remembering the old times with someone who treated us poorly is a minute wasted. Although I confess to doing a lot of that same thinking myself, I have learned that its very counterproductive to moving on and meeting someone new to share your life with.

My experience has led me to believe that when things go wrong they go wrong for a darn good reason. When I have tried to rekindle the flame things usually get stale very fast. I highly recommend giving getting back with your ex a second thought before you end up going back to a time in your life that you once had to wiggle out of and now must wiggle out of once again.

I know, you’re thinking that to romance a man you just need to show up naked, but I think you might be wrong. So often we hear that the man should be the romantic one, and maybe 50 years ago this would have been so but this is 2008, and men like to be spoiled too. Think back to when you first met. The first dates, wining an dining, making an effort to look your best, breakfast in bed, long weekends having frantic sex. Dont you wish it was the same? Well I bet your partner also does. Instead of waiting for him to make the first move (after all we know how slow men are in the romantic take-up department. No offense guys) you take the lead and add a bit of romance into your relationship.

Show off your romantic side.

1. Pick up the phone: Give him a ring while he is at the office just to let him know that you are thinking of him. Or if you are confident with phone sex tell him what you are going to do to him once he gets home and in turn what you would like him to do to you.

2. Fill the stocking: Men love sexy lingerie just as much as women if not more. Let him know how much you want him by getting out your best panties, team them with a pair of fishnets, stilettos and seduce him tonight.

3. Feed his heart: You know the old saying the way to a mans heart is through his stomach! Well you better believe it because it works every time. Get out the best dinner set set the table with candles, put on some soft music and prepare his favorite meal. You wont even need to think of dessert because this is where he will become romantic and wisk you of to the bedroom.

4. Flirt: When was the last time you actually flirted with your partner? Go out in public (to dinner, to a party or nightclub) and try it. It will boost both your egos bring back those old feelings of lust for one an other. Think like a single person and see what happens

5. Bedroom boudoir: Set the mood in your bedroom. Clear out all the clutter, change the bed linen (bring in some silk sheets perhaps) and fill the room with scented candles. Stand a bottle of your favorite bubbly in some ice, lay your sexiest lingerie on the bed and keep a box of his favorite chocolates near by. This is also an inexpensive way to give your bedroom a new look.

6. Use toys: If you want to add some spice to your love making then what better way then to introduce some props. We are not talking about 12? dildos (unless you want to that is) it can be something as small as a silk scarf or as daring as vibrators. Your man will need never be asked to make an effort again.

7. Watch a flick: Rent a romantic movie, order a take away, get out a bottle of your favorite wine, take the phone of the hook turn out the lights and snuggle into each other on the sofa in front of the TV. The romantic flick will soon have the two of you in the mood for love.

8. Love letters: Leave him little notes in his pocket, on his pillow, next to his mother any where that he will find them that will give him a nice surprise.

9. Kiss.. him all of his body slowly

10. 3 little words: Tell him that you love him at least once a day. This will keep the love there even if you havent always got time to express it, those 3 little words is all that you need.

I get this question fairly often and every time I hear the story I cringe inside. My first reaction is always anger at someome who lies to make his or her life easier and to get what they want at the risk of hurting someone they says they love.

Once I feel the pressure sliding down my body I have to wonder what happened in the relationship that caused this lack of respect. It IS a lack of respect when someone tells a lie because they know the truth will make them look like the piece of crap that they are. It’s like, “I’m doing the wrong thing but I don’t want you to be disappointed or angry with me.” Yeah right, then don’t make promises with your mouth that your actions can’t back up. Just sayin…

What is it about people who make promises when they know right up front that they have no intention of keeping their promise but they will hold their partner to theirs. Just drives me nuts.

Folks, it’s tough when you love someone you cannot trust. It leaves you feeling insecure and trying to decide if you should stay or go. Too often we’ll look at the relationship as a whole and remember the charming person who swept us off our feet and who can be very loving – and ignore how bad we feel when we get lied to.

• Sometimes we stay because even if we feel really bad about ourselves we worry that being alone will hurt worse.
• Sometimes we stay because we think that ALL people lie and this one is no worse than someone new.
• Sometimes we stay because we think nobody new will want us.
• Sometimes we stay because we think this person needs us.
• Sometimes we believe we’re the cause of their misbehavior.
• Sometimes we stay because even though this has happened time and time again, we believe it when they say, “it will never happen again.”

Let me say that all of these reasons are crap.  Being lied to is not the price you must pay for being in a relationship with someone and not everyone will lie to you.  You will NEVER be responsible for anyone else’s behavior regardless what he or she says to the contrary.  We are all responsible for our own behavior and nobody can “make” you do anything – that’s just a sleazy excuse for abuse.

You found this person, didn’t you?  You’ll find another one the same way.  Being lied to tends to tarnish your sparkle a little bit but I promise that with a little dating practice you’ll polish up just fine.

As for why your liar creep keeps on lying?  Why should they change?  They’re in control, top dog and life is perfect just as it is.  They do as they please and then say, “oh, sorry about that,” and keep on keeping on.  You’re worth more.

I was chatting online to a new friend yesterday and we began talking about her best friend who she said had been “replaced by her husband.” I thought about that for a minute before saying that maybe she wasn’t replaced at all. Maybe she was never that important to him in the first place. Maybe she was just convenient.

How many times have you heard people who’ve been divorced say that they weren’t really in love with their ex, they just thought they were? I’ve heard it. The thing to remember is, both men and women are guilty of thinking theyr’e in love. They don’t test themselves because being with *someone* is better than being alone. A few months or years later and they are unhappy and wondering how the hell to change things. Their eyes begin to wander and figure that an affair is better than hurting their spouse’s feelings.

Sometimes, and dare I say it, more than sometimes, we think we’re in love but it’s really a long-term friends with benefits situation that could end at any time if one or the other isn’t getting their sexual needs met. It looks like love because they’re all twittery, holding hands, cuddly but that’s how friends with benefits act too. We get caught up in overwhelming lust and we think it’s love. Love isn’t about sex and that’s where the confusion lies. You have sex when you’re in love but sex is not love. Love is caring about someone during the good times and more especially during the bad times. Love doesn’t look for a way out, instead it looks for a solution.

I’m not saying that every person who’s cheating isn’t in love with their spouse. I’m saying that some people were never in love in the first place.

Do you ever watch that show, Cheaters, on TV ? I watched it for the first time recently and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Why oh why would anyone want to blurb all that crap out on television? While I don’t think we need to keep so many secrets that friends are shocked when it comes out that we’ve been unhappy for a long time – I can’t imagine going on a show and bearing my grief for all to see.

Would you consider doing it if you thought your partner/spouse was cheating?

I’ve been asked before if I knew for sure that my best friend’s husband was cheating would I tell her. That’s a far cry from chasing a wandering spouse to publicly humiliate him or her. I dunno, I couldn’t imagine doing it. I think I’d just prefer to leave and put it all behind me. Think about going through life as “the guy whose wife cheated on him on tv”? or “the woman whose husband pretended to be a talent scout when he was really a janitor?”

How do you feel about Cheaters (the show, not the person)?