Recently, this question was asked of heaps of women on About.com and the results were really interesting to me. The women said that if you wanted to meet someone, a pub, bar or tavern wasn’t their place of first choice. They’d go to a coffee shop and when someone came in that they were really interested in, they’d make eye contact. If that worked then they’d either ask for suggestions on what was best, ask if they liked what they were served (you might want that next time) or ask what time it was. These are all excellent ice breakers and I can see why it works.

So let’s take this reasoning and put it in an online dating scenario and I have to tell you, “hot tits!” isn’t quite the same as an introduction. The coffee shop women all used personal information they gleaned from watching the men. They looked at what they were eating or they watched them deciding what to order or they noticed the guy had a watch and asked for the time. Why? Noticing these things raised their chances of success.

If you want to really catch a woman’s eye, then let her know how she caught yours. What about her caused you to want to contact her. Why her? Is she special or would you want any female with a heartbeat? She wants to be more special than that.

Can you dance? Studies in the US and in Europe show that women are more attracted to a man who can dance. Of course they don’t explain why that is but I can guess. Dancing is like foreplay with your clothes on. They do say that if you don’t dance some women will consider you a bad choice, equating no dancing = low testosterone and therefore lousy in bed. You don’t have to be a great dancer to dance. In fact, the worse you are proves how comfortable you are in your own skin. This is a quality highly prized by lots of women.

For some reason in North America, dancing has become known as a non-masculine thing to do. Heaps of men won’t even try. Most women hate that. Men in other cultures don’t even question whether they should dance or not.

Dancing has been a girlgetter for thousands of years, so don’t let your dancing shoes get dull. If you are able to make your way around a dance floor your chances with women increase nearly 85%. Dancing is a great icebreaker and you only need to stick with the woman for one song. If she’s crap, say thanks and move on to the next one.

If you think you’re a bad dancer and will only dance when you’ve had enough alcohol to make a fool of yourself, maybe consider a dance class. Dance classes aren’t just for wankers or losers and being able to dance means you can pick up women just about anywhere. It might be worth it just for the opportunity to get lucky more often than your friends.

According to this month’s Cosmopolitan magazine a whopping 17% of all relationships start with a one-night-stand. Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either but if Cosmo says it, it’s gotta be true, right?

My skepticism waned a bit when I read their reasoning as to why so many people start their relationship from a hook-up. Times have changed. There is no longer the stigma that women carry who’ve had a casual affair. These days, frankly nobody cares what someone else does with their sexuality. From a former president who has oral sex in his office with an intern to televangelists who lose everything for a bit of a romp in the sack – it’s old news. The time between the first date and first sex has reduced to sometimes just a few hours. The rest of the relationship dynamics haven’t changed.

So how does one move a hook-up to a relationship? Start by looking for clues that maybe he or she might be open to doing more things with you than just having sex. If you sense an openness, invite the other person to do relationship-y things. Invite them to a movie or to the theater or to a party with your friends. Yes, it’s a risk you could lose the whole friends with benefits thing you’ve got going on, but you’ve got a 50% chance of getting the whole ball of wax too. Nothing ventured is nothing gained!

ver get an email that tugs at your heartstrings a bit?  It was from a man who’s checking on the web to see if the grass is greener in someone else’s yard.  I doubt he really wants to find someone new. He’s just frustrated. He’s a fitness guru and his wife has put on weight and it’s “bad for his image.” Here’s his email:

My wife and I met at the gym and we used to go jogging together twice a week. Four years ago we moved in together and now have a little girl who’s nearly 1. My wife put on a lot of weight when she was pregnant, and once the baby arrived she said she was always too tired or too stressed to work out. Now, a year later, she’s what I’d call obese and I can’t get her to do any exercise. I’ve begged her to come running with me, and I bought her a membership to the gym, but she refuses to do a thing no matter how much I beg. I’ve talked and talked about it and all she does is get angry so I’ve given up. I do love her, but I’m a personal trainer so it’s embarrassing and bad for business. If I can’t motivate my wife, how good am I ? What can I do?

Many women gain weight when they’re pregnant and that first year after the baby, especially a first time mother, is tiring and stressful. If you add that she’s being judged by her husband for her looks on top of the stress, you should probably add depression to her list of troubles. If she’s having trouble just coping with the essentials, then you need to accept that she’s seeing everything as an exhausting chore. Please don’t compare your wife with a celebrity who loses all the baby weight in 6 weeks.  She definitely has domestic help around the house, a personal trainer and the time to spend with him or her.   Don’t add to wife’s feelings of guilt and inadequacy because it’s only going to make it worse. If you truly love this woman and I mean love in the purest sense of the word, then love her unconditionally.

I’m sure that physical fitness is important to you and perhaps it defines who you are. You see your wife’s weight as a reflection on your ability and you see your wife as lacking respect for you because she’s let herself go. Stop seeing her weight as how it afects you. If you met your wife at the gym and she used to go running with you – that woman is still inside. If you keep nagging and making her feel not good enough over and over, you’ll never find that person again. The gym membership was your idea to fix a problem that you have with her weight – it wasn’t a gift. It was a silent way to say “I don’t like you the way you are now.”

The more you talk about her weight and lack of fitness, the more likely she is to add to her wall of anger and resentment. Remember, this weight and lack of exercise can cause health problems but their her problems to deal with. I would bet $100 that she’s more unhappy about all of this than you are and your vocal disapproval is undermining her ability to make any changes.

I predict that nothing will change until you can love her and respect her as she is and make her believe that it’s true. Have fun together, enjoy that beautiful baby together. The more time you spend having fun, the more she will be encouraged to make changes for herself. She’ll want to be fitter just to keep up. When she does decide to get fitter, keep your mouth shut. Offer to watch the baby while she goes to the gym IF she wants to go to the gym, otherwise let her go at her own pace. If she falls off, leave it and wait for her to get back to it. She will. She probably loves you as much as you love her and she’s sick and tired of being sick and tired. Good luck!