It’s hard enough to flirt with someone you’re interested in offline; how the heck do you flirt when you’re dating online? Lots of people can do it, and so can you. It’s pretty simple – you put the other person at ease and you make them feel good. It’s not rocket science. We keep telling people to send complimentary comments to every person that interests them. We say it because we’ve seen it work time and time again.

Don’t wait til you meet in person to test out your flirting ability with someone. Try it out online. Meeting someone new can be lots of fun and doesn’t have to be stressful, especially if you’ve flirted beforehand. It boosts your confidence for the real thing.

Compliments. They do two things — they let the other person know you’re interested and they show that you’ve been paying attention to their photo, their blog, their forum posts – whatever it was that caught your eye. Unless you paste the same comment to person after person like, “gee you’re hot”, your comments will be well received. Everyone likes to be noticed.

Keep it simple. Just as you wouldn’t jabber on and on when you met someone in real life, don’t type too much early on. Most people won’t read a long drawn out email from a stranger. They read the first line or maybe two and then hanging the washing seems really important right that minute. It’s much better to keep those first communications witty, short and sweet. I wouldn’t suggest asking who someone is supporting in the next election in the first email or second.

Spell check. Can I say that one again? Spell checking is really simple to use. We provide the tools every time you type so you won’t look goofy to someone you’re trying to impress. Saying you’re shit speller is no excuse when everyone knows you can spell check your mail. Little is more attractive than someone with a brain so don’t spoil your chances at finding the love of your life because you were too lazy to proofread.

No text speak. A “LOL” here and there is okay, but you’ll get much farther with most people if you use the entire word that you’d say if you were in person having a normal conversation. A reply with 5 emoticons won’t get you as far as answering the question asked and then asking one of your own.

Sense of humor. Most every person when asked what qualities they’re looking for is a good sense of humor. For goodness sake don’t tell someone you have a good sense of humor. Show them. If you really DO have a good sense of humor it won’t be difficult, especially since you have time to craft a good reply.. The more charming and funny you are, the better your luck will be. (Don’t write to me and tell me you’re a loser because you’re a grumpy old fart. Only you can fix grumpy.)

Your nickname. What’s it saying about you? Anyone looking through the personal ads will notice not only your photo, but your nickname. It says a lot about you and how you approach this online dating stuff. If you have a very explicit nickname are you telling people that sex is all you’re interested in and it’s wham bam and you’re out the door? Whether they realize it or not, your nickname has an effect on how people view you. Keep your name simple and creative and perhaps even mysterious… don’t make it sexually suggestive unless that’s ALL you’re interested in.

Beware of the flat screen. It’s really easy to misunderstand someone when a sentence can be read two different ways. Remember, the other person is always going to read it the wrong way. There’s no body language and they won’t be able to tell if you’re trying to be funny or sarcastic. If there’s a way to take it the wrong way, they will. So read what you write before you send it.

Meet. Once you’ve successfully flirted online, make a date to meet. Set up something simple like coffee at a cafe for 30 minutes only. That gives you both a chance to flirt in person and see how receptive the other one is to your efforts. Don’t arrive with unrealistic expectations. This is coffee with a stranger – it could be fun.

A woman wrote to me this week about why she’s having such a tough time keeping her life in order. She goes from one drama to another and never seems to be able to hold on to a relationship. She’s a successful businesswoman and if you didn’t know better, you’d think she was one of those people who always drink from a sterling silver cup.

Have you ever thought about why you’re successful in some areas of your life but not in others? I used to think it was all about talent and training but now I’m not so sure. Some people — and we all know who they are — seem to have their life on autopilot most of the time. Good things just fall into place for them time and time again. They seem happy all the time.

I think now it’s not so much that some people are just more talented and able than the rest of us. I think some people plan and prepare for the outcome they want to see happen in their lives. They believe they’re capable of being, doing or having anything (or anyone) they want.

So if it’s possible for some people to have a great relationship why do some of us struggle?

Partly it goes back to the old bugger confidence in ourselves but maybe, just maybe, small changes can yield big results?

I think we’re built with the ability to meet all of life’s challenges and finding a person to share passion and intimacy with should be one of the easiest things we do. Really. The desire for an intimate partner is as basic as food to eat and shelter from the cold. None of us worry that we can’t find something to eat or a place to lay our heads.

If you want a change in your life, there’s no better time than right now to start. Let good things happen to you. Be grateful for small things. Think glass half full.

Sure, some of us are a bit crushed by fear and anxiety about money, jobs, kids, family and we wonder if we’ll make it through to the other side, but we will. We always do.

Ladies if you’re over 40 and feeling that your use-by date is slowly inching toward you, forget it! Times they are a-changin. L’Oreal, long famous for using very beautiful and famous women to be their ambassadors in marketing their products has chosen Ines de la Fressange as this year’s model. Ines has been a catwalk model and is very beautiful AND she’s 53. Yes, I said that right.. she’s fifty three years old. How cool is that??

L’Oreal gets a big high five from me for realizing that women of all ages, shapes and sizes benefit from seeing *real* women in their advertising. I can’t relate to a 20 something that’s so skinny she looks malnourished. I would never want to look like that and I would pass the products they sell right on by.

It’s very encouraging to see that women of all ages are considered beautiful and worthy of our attention.

Enjoy!