I talked with a couple of people in chat the other night and the topic got on looks. The woman told us she was really unattractive but she had a great personality. I asked what about her made her unattractive and she said that she was very overweight and she accepts that she’ll always be alone. If she read all the ads I read every day from men who say they really love large women, she wouldn’t think that way. The man was someone I’ve known for a long time at SexyAds and he kept interrupting her to tell her she was wrong. Until she believes that people see her differently from what she sees in the mirror, he’s wasting his breath.

To those people who worry that their looks keep them from meeting someone new, I say to them:

You will NEVER look the way you think you want to and yet, people WILL still find you attractive.

You’re not too fat. You’re not too skinny for someone to love you. You don’t need surgery or a diet unless something about you is likely to kill or harm yourself in some way. Stop finding fault with yourself. There are lots of people who’d love to be with you just the way you are.

So if you think you’ve failed because you haven’t found the right person to complete your life – remember this. Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.

My friend is in a nasty relationship. That might sound like a bad way to describe anyone’s relationship but my friend Sarah is in a mess. I think her husband is evil but then I tend to overreact when a friend appears to be in trouble.

When you’re in a controlling, abusive relationship it’s really hard to take any action to stop it. Sarah BELIEVES that if she crosses him he’ll either take her 2 children away, hurt her children while she watches, kill her, hurt her in front of the children, toss boiling oil on her, fix her car so that the brakes will fail and that’s just a few of them. I looked at her last week and said, “Sarah, what will it take for you to move the children to safety? How much abuse is enough for you?”

She sobbed.

For some wacky reason she feels that because he’s a doctor that upscale relationships don’t suffer abuse. She doesn’t see herself as a victim — she’s just scared of her husband when he’s in a bad mood.

When they got married they agreed that she’d stay at home and raise the children while he worked long hours. He didn’t feel it would be fair to any children they’d have for both of their parents to be gone all day. She has an education but she has no job skills and no job experience as they got married shortly after she finished college.

“It’s painful to admit that I have no clue what to do. Where do I go? How do I feed myself? How will I keep my children from living with him?” she said.

If it was just Sarah it was her choice what to do but when her kids are involved, that makes a difference for me. Sarah never leaves the children alone with her husband. She feels if she’s there they’ll be treated okay. Children who see one of their parents hit, yell or criticize the other parent store those images in their brain forever. It’s almost like it’s happening to them.

I told Sarah that staying in that relationship was doing her children more harm than good and she needed to see a therapist. Surprise, surprise, her husband has told her she doesn’t need any counseling, she only needs to do as she’s told and life would be perfect for them all.

What hogwash. She’ll never be perfect enough for this man. He could find fault in a sunny day. I told her there were 50 million men looking for relationships and surely she could find ONE of them who’d be nice to her and her children.

Finally, I put my arms around her and I told her that I loved her as my friend. I also said if she didn’t do something someone was going to get hurt or worse and that someone would most probably be her.

So when do you leave a controlling, abusive bully? As soon as you can. Regardless what the abuser says, nobody “deserves” punishment nor does anyone have the right to punish someone. That’s not how most of the world lives. It takes an enormous amount of energy, bravery and plain ole guts to leave an abusive relationship. I’m telling you, if you’re in that situation, you can do this. We’ll all stand behind you.

Okay, you’ve met someone who lives a fair distance away from you.  The two of you have been chatting back and forth online and you’ve talked on the phone a few  times and now you want to meet in person but you live too far to drive and get back home in one day. What plans do you make about sleeping arrangements?

Back in the olden days when I went 10,000 miles for my first in-person visit with my husband we didn’t make any promises about what would happen between us. There was no talk about how much sex we’d have or what sort of sex it would be – in fact we did the opposite. We agreed that if sex happened it would happen but if either of us decided that it wasn’t what we wanted, we wouldn’t feel compelled to have sex because of some silly promise made over the net by two strangers.

Since we met in Melbourne both of us needed to be in a hotel so he booked a small serviced apartment. Plenty of room to sleep apart (HE would have taken the sofa) and plenty of room to sleep together. For me, it was great because I felt I knew him really well but I only knew the person I perceived him to be. In person he could have been a real pain in the ass and not someone I wanted to be intimate with. He could say the same thing about me.

It turned out pretty well because it’s been nearly 17 years since we met online. Yes, we slept in the same bed but not right away.  We both wanted to confirm that the other was just who we thought they were.  Thankfully, neither of us lied to make us appear more worthy of the other’s affection or passion.

When we met all we promised each other was a good time. We knew we enjoyed each other’s company because we couldn’t stay away online or on the phone. We never went as far as to say, “okay, you hang up first,” but it was pretty close! I lived for his next email telling me all sorts of things about life in Australia. He was equally curious about my life in Florida.)

My best advice is to give yourself options. Don’t meet for the first time at a hotel because by then you’re committed. It’s much tougher to say, “I really don’t want to have sex with you,” once you’re in the hotel room staring at the bed. Don’t have sex out of guilt or pity, it’s never worth it for either of you.  Meet in a coffee shop and you’ll thank me later.

Many people are and with the world the way it is now, it’s pretty scary to face it alone. Japan falling apart. New Zealand falling apart. With the US economy just barely raising its head above flatline, a lot of folks are pretty scared to part with a dime much less the subscription fee to some of the dating sites. EHarmony is nearly $50 a month!

Free SexyAds.com VIP membership!

To do my part, for the next 30 days anyone who leaves a comment to this post and joins SexyAds.com with the same email address we’ll give a 30-day free VIP membership. No contest or entry required, just leave me a comment. If you don’t leave a real email address, there’s no way for me to know who you are to make the upgrade. Don’t write to us, it won’t help. Leave a comment. It’s not hard.

What’s SexyAds?  I know I’m biased, but if you’re a person who enjoys the intimate side of a relationship as much as everything else about being with another person you’ll fit right in. You won’t find open crotch displays on the front page or even inside unless you request to view that sort of thing. We have an adult content filter so you get just the right amount of naughtyness for your comfort and pleasure. In addition to heaps of member profiles, photos and videos we also have blogs, voice ads, email and voice mail, lots of forums, photo galleries, video galleries, online chat, video chat, trivia game and more.

If you’re looking for someone to date or just some online fun with other happy, sexy people, maybe SexyAds.com is for you!

An old lady dies and goes to heaven.

She’s chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

Don’t worry about that,’ says St. Peter, ‘It’s only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for the wings.

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

‘Oh my God,’ says the old lady, ‘now what is happening’?

‘Not to worry,’ says St. Peter, ‘She’s just having her head drilled to fit the halo.’

‘I can’t do this,’ says the old lady, ‘I’m going to hell.’

‘You can’t go there,’ says St. Peter. ‘You’ll be raped and taken advantage of.’

‘Maybe so, says the old lady, but I’ve already got the holes for that!’

(surely this means there’s sex after death? Yay!)