If you’re honest, you’ll probably admit that beauty is a sight more important than just skin deep when it comes to a relationship. The question then is, how much more important? Will we quit looking for someone new if we can’t find perfection? Our experience shows that’s not the case. I would guess that at least 80% of people would prefer someone who’s fun and sexy and ordinary every day looking over someone who’s not so much fun but physically top of the line attractive.

For those who seek a trophy husband or wife to make themselves seem really desirable – looks are everything. For the majority of people our genetic makeup determines who we’re attracted to and looks are a small part of that. While looks are still generate a certain chemistry between people – we’re all attracted to someone different so beauty is sort of “out there” unless we’re talking magazine or TV models. Most men and women are seeking inner beauty over external appearance. It’s all well and good to have a gorgeous partner but if they have a shit personality who needs it? Who can find happiness with a bitch or a bastard? (Apart from those who get off on it. ) I’m not saying for one moment that all gorgeous people have a shit personality. That’s no more true than saying every fat person is jolly or every ugly person is grumpy.

I want someone who thinks I’m terrific and goes out of his way to show me he believes that every day. While he’s attractive to me, I don’t think either of us will grace the cover of a magazine anytime soon. What is important to me is that he’s funny, clever, hard working, compassionate, respectful AND sexy. Would I want to be with him if he looked like an old muddy fence? I fell for his insides over the net, so I would have to say yes but with one proviso. He would still have to have great legs cause legs do it for me. Oh and he would have to be sexy.Never again will I live with a man who didn’t like sex.

Are looks at the top of your must-have list? How about sexuality?

So many people suffer from shyness. Even I get a bit uncomfortable in a roomful of strangers. Some people are so shy that they are overwhelmed when they think about interacting with people they don’t know – to the point that they often prefer to stay at home. A woman told me last week that she feels distraught at the thought of being outside her comfort zone. She told me that she feels less of a worthwhile human being because of her shyness and wants to do something – anything – to finally break free of her shyness.

Most people take for granted meeting new people, entering new romances, making new friends and going to parties and other social events. I can’t imagine staying home because it’s all too hard but this woman and I’m sure lots of others deal with this on a daily basis.

What causes your shyness?

Shyness can be a symptom of untreated depression. The depression can cause a lack of self-esteem which leads to shyness.
Shyness can be caused by a traumatic event from childhood. Being humiliated at school as a youngster can leave a person scarred and saddled with shyness.
Lack of self-esteem or a poor self image can result in shyness. Someone who feels they have nothing worthwhile to contribute or have nothing to offer as a friend which leads them to anticipate rejection.
Some people just missed out on opportunites as a young person to interact with other people and to grow socially.
Once a person understands why he or she is shy, it’s possible to take steps to overcome it.

If you’re shy meeting new people because you’re afraid that you’ll get the horrible dead space where nobody is saying anything – prepare ahead. Just like the tv cook, prepare something earlier. I know it might sound silly but you’ll feel better for the insurance in your pocket or purse. Put a headline or two in your memory bank and just knowing they’re there will give you confidence.

Every time you venture out of your comfort zone, reward yourself on the effort. Don’t look at results!! Results don’t count – it’s the preparation and effort you’re putting forth that counts. Give yourself a pat on the back or buy something you’ve been wanting. Not every outing will be a resounding success. You might even return home thinking you’d made a fool of yourself. Rewarding the effort changes your perception and gives you hope that next time it will be easier.

Instead of worrying about yourself and your shyness, do what Dale Carnegie said to do – concentrate on putting the other person at ease. Pretend that they are more shy than you are. (It’s possibly true!) The time you spend making the other person feel more comfortable, you won’t be worrying about your own shyness.

Try taking an adult class. Whether it’s basketweaving or computers or cooking or anything. You’ll be learning new skills which will give you increased knowledge and more confidence. Every time you master a new skill your self esteem will increase.

It does take a bit of courage to overcome shyness but like anything else in life, you’ll never get anywhere unless you take the first step.

Once you’ve made the decision to do something about your shyness – dating and meeting in person just gets easier and easier.

Know how you feel when you’ve got a date with someone coming up? I do and most of the time the anticipation gives me a healthy fantasy life. Dating shouldn’t be just for the unmarried or uncommitted people, it should be for everyone. I’ve been dating my husband for a long time and I have no intention of stopping. Date night makes us both feel a closeness that we sometimes miss with the day to day problems and issues that life throws at us.

What’s the difference between a date and just going out? Heaps!! When you have a date you spend a bit more time with your appearance. Men take the time to shave so there’s no burning when kissing gets a bit intense. Women put on clothes they know will get some attention. If you’re in a relationship now, you’ve been there and if you aren’t, you are already doing all these things. The old saying really is true, when you look good, you feel good.

Dating keeps a relationship from going stale. Boredom is the cause of way too many wandering eyes. We all want excitement and passion in our lives and that’s what we had when we were first dating – so let’s not lose that!

When you’re on a date you talk to each other. You talk now, I know, but it’s usually in 90 second burst of “what’s for dinner?” or “did you take out the trash?” or “can you get the casserole dish from the top of the cabinet please?” Sitting across from each other at dinner while on your date you can focus on what brought you two together in the first place. One reminder though, don’t use date night to settle any conflict – it will ruin date night that night and in the future if one of you is waiting for the conflict shoe to drop.

Vary your date nights. Do something different or something wild and crazy. A movie one week, a rodeo the next, a burlesque show the next, bowling the next, ice skating or even a picnic. When you plan ahead you have a week to anticipate what’s going to happen. Imagine on the afternoon of date night and you send your date a text that says, “Do I need to wear underwear tonight?” Let the fantasies begin!

I received these tips from a very dear friend of mine at SexyAds.

We hear from a lot of women that the man they are with is nearly perfect but he doesn’t kiss them the way they like to be kissed. Maybe women don’t kiss the way men like too so this could work both ways.

Take can take control:
You and your partner are kissing. You gently start to take control by placing your hands on either side of his face, holding his cheeks and guiding his lips.
In doing so, you are in control of the amount of pressure and motion of his mouth and, in turn, he feels the warmth of your hands. This can be especially good if your partner’s mouth is too loose or open for you.

Then it is your responsibility to kiss him as you LOVE TO BE KISSED.

Get him to follow your lead:
Stop when you want and tell your partner, ‘I just love kissing. It’s the one thing that gets me ______________ [fill in the blank; for example, you might add the word 'hot' or 'turned on']. Then look at him and say, ‘Will you show me what it feels like to be kissed by me?’

Introduce a fantasy:
Tell him that you had a dream the other night about how he was kissing you — and it was fabulous. Whether or not you actually had this dream, what you need to do is have an idea about what you want to ask for. So think ahead to how you want to blend the new kissing style or technique you want with what he already does. That way, you’re not asking for a completely different thing and won’t risk offending his ego. If you can’t manage to explain what you want fully using your dream, tell him, ‘You did something like this’ and then show him what you want.

Praise your partner:
Let your partner know when he has kissed you right.

If he does something you really like, repeat it on him and ask if it feels as good to him as it did to you. To tweak his style, it’s important that you use one-word directions, such as ‘lighter,’ ‘left,’ ‘right,’ etc. Men have shared with me that sentence-long guidance feels like criticism, while one-word comments sound like gentle direction. Remember that while you may feel that the more you tell, the better, he will be hearing your words through his own sexual gender filter.

Repeat:
Don’t assume that one time through will work. Men often need reminding (yes, even when it comes to better kissing and better sex). Repeat exercises 1-4 as often as necessary. And enjoy!