One of the best things a successful dater can be is a good loser. Those who know how to accept rejection gracefully find it really easy to move on to someone new. Rejection can be difficult for some people because they tie “No thanks” to their self worth. People who react badly to rejection seem to act like they didn’t get the person that they wanted and that is a big sign that they are unworthy of attracting someone like that.

That’s SO complicating life and it’s so unnecessary. It just means that person wasn’t the best choice right now. Maybe now isn’t the right time. Accepting a no thanks to a friendship/relationship approach doesn’t have to be ugly. Over the years we’ve seen some pretty nasty communications reported just because the man or woman wasn’t interested.

I wouldn’t want to date an old hag like you anyway
You probably have every disease known to man
You’re too fat to fuck anyway
and my personal pick.. “I would have only had sex with you as a favor and out of pity for the pathetic fuck you are”
This sort of reaction is a defense mechanism some people use to blame the person who’s rejected them of being horrible and then the rejected is rejecting the rejector. (complicated I know.. but you get the point)

Let’s not misunderstand rejection. It’s not a one-way street. How many times in your life have you said to yourself, “that person is just not for me?” It can be for all sorts of reasons but it’s always because something inside you says it doesn’t feel right. Sometimes we don’t know why it doesn’t feel right – it just doesn’t. In those cases would you expect the person who isn’t right for you to feel unworthy of someone as great as you are? I doubt it. Probably very few of us think we’re God’s gift to everyone.

So if you get a no thanks from someone, chalk it up to experience and be kind to yourself and have confidence that the right person WILL come along. Know that everyone, everywhere gets rejected. It’s just part of life. Getting back in the saddle and having another go makes good sense.

Research shows that in America there is a historical jump in the birth of new babies in September. Go ahead, count ahead.. yep, 9 months from December. What that says is that more Americans are having sex during the holidays. Of course the researchers have to have their say as to why it happens but I think I know.

We’re all in a jolly mood with all the parties and gift giving and receiving and when we’re in a jolly mood we get horny. At least I do. Also, there is the Thanksgiving long weekend and all then all the days off at Christmas giving us a mini-vacation. Sometimes just a reduction in the stress gives us more oomph for outside the job.

Do you have more sex during the festive season?

I was at a local gathering recently and the ladies were all gathered together while the men were drinking beer outside and it struck me that several women seemed to be “waiting” for life to come to them and make life wonderful. I’m sure you know people like that too. They will do something when they lose weight. They will do something when they get a new job. They will have children when they earn more money. It’s always something that they’re waiting for, like life is on hold until these good things happen. The woman who wants to lose weight said that she would love to go to the beach in the afternoons and swim with her kids but she needs to lose weight before she can put on a swimsuit.

Being the mouthy person I am and being new in this community I casually asked how long she’s been working on losing weight. She hasn’t started. She admitted that her youngest is 9 and she hasn’t been to the beach since before she got pregnant because she’s waiting to lose weight.

It made me think about how many of us are waiting for a new relationship to knock on our front door and ask to come in. The answer is heaps! We see lots of people who join at SexyAds and at several other sites all at the same time and they create a login and they wait. They have no photo, they have no ad, they don’t post in the forums, they don’t comment on profiles or blogs and they go to chat and don’t say anything and wait for someone to notice them. When someone doesn’t notice them, then they think they aren’t worthy or they aren’t attractive enough or not outgoing enough or heaps of things but the truth is they didn’t DO anything to get noticed. This is an issue equally shared by both men and women.

If I could do one thing it would be to encourage the “waiters” to embrace life and join in. Stop waiting and make things happen for yourself. If you want to lose weight before you go to the beach, then start exercising, watch portion sizes and you’ll get smaller. If you want a new relationship, don’t just dance around the fringes by making a profile that says nothing about you and do nothing that causes anyone to take an interest in you – get active.

Think about what you want in a new partner and think about what a new partner would like about you and then write an ad that talks about both. Browse the profiles and ads, send a comment to anyone you think you might be interested in. Even if the person is half a continent away, if you like the way someone looks or you like their ad or you think their blog is funny – send a comment or email. You might not end up with a lifetime partner but you could end up with a friend to meet on your next vacation or holiday. When you get active and set your mind to do something, people will come into your life. Take a risk, say hello.

What’s the worst that can happen? Well, you might not find the right one. You might find someone who doesn’t feel the same way as you do. You might not lose weight fast enough. Seriously, you might get hit by a bus and you won’t have a chance to do anything ever again. You will never regret doing something positive for yourself but you will always regret not doing something as important as finding someone to share passion and excitement with.

Do you have tips for people who are waiting for life to hand them what their waiting for?

From the TV show of the same name come these really good tips. I think no matter what size a woman is, there are always bits she wished were bigger, smaller or shaped differently.

Stage 1: Face Your Fears
Take your clothes off in front of a mirror and have a long hard look at yourself
For many of our ladies, taking their clothes off in front of anyone had became a massive ordeal. Stripping off in front of a mirror and taking a good hard look at yourself in the first step to facing your fears and building up your confidence.

Stage 2: Change Your Self-Perception
You’re not as big as you think you are
The media bombard us all with unrealistic airbrushed images of women every day. The magazine images of surgically enhanced women aren’t very realistic but these images portray women as beautiful and successful so it’s hard for ordinary women not to want to be and look like them. However, most normal women look well, normal but those photos can make us feel negatively about our bodies and encourage our low self esteem.

So, the second stage of looking good naked is to start waking up to the way the media works and stop comparing these images to the way you look. Wake up to the fact that you actually look pretty OK, that you aren’t as big as you think you are AND look at all the women around you — I bet most of them are the same as you.

Stage 3: See Yourself As Others See You
Learn to take compliments and focus on the positive rather than the negative
The third stage is to start focusing on the positive rather than the negative aspects of your body. Do not dismiss compliments. Hold on to all the nice things people say and ignore anything negative that might come your way.

Stage 4: Work Your Body
Wear clothes that make you look and feel good
Your clothes can have a big impact on the way you feel about yourself. Wearing clothes that flatter your shape and emphasize the best bits of your body is the best way to feel and look good. Underwear is also key. Old grey underwear can only make you feel old and grey. Structured underwear will give you more shape with your clothes on. Sexy underwear will give you a boost when your clothes have to come off.

Stage 5: Respect Yourself
Look after yourself
Your lifestyle does matter and it does effect the way your look and feel about yourself. A good healthy lifestyle will pay dividends. You will feel better but the pay off is that you will look better too.

Stage 6: Beauty Cheats
Looking good naked
What ever your size and shape feeling confident is key to looking good — whether your clothes are on or off. So now you are feeling on top of the world it’s time to start taking advantage of all the beauty treatments and products out there. Follow these rules on a weekly basis and we guarantee you will look good in the buff:

I was pondering a topic idea sent to me about online dating and it’s triggered a different question about “dating online” for people in a relationship or marriage. If we’re honest, how many of us have come to a site like SexyAds or any dating/relationship site only looking for online intimate interaction? I suspect the number would be pretty big.

There are countless numbers of men and women who have a good relationship with their spouse or partner and they have no intention of leaving, but they are lacking passion and intimacy and well, downright kinky feelings. People will say, “Talk it over with your partner/spouse,” as if that’s going to miraculously change things for the better. People will say, “Sex isn’t everything, look what else you’ve got in your life,” as if your basic sexual drive understands reason and just goes away. While talking with your mate is always a good thing to do and you will agree that sex isn’t EVERYTHING – it’s natural for us to want passion, excitement and sex.

Does online intimacy help? Probably. Will you feel like you’re cheating? Maybe. Should you deny yourself a basic physical need? No, I don’t think anyone should.

What would your advice be to a good friend who hasn’t had sex for the past 6 months? Should he or she just live without? Get a divorce and lose the house, kids and relationship? Should someone have to live without sex for the rest of their lives?