Aretha Franklin said it for us in her song R E S P E C T. How do you get someone to respect you? I must get asked that question at least once a week. It goes along with why won’t people reply to emails, why won’t someone talk to you if you don’t have a photo on your profile and most often, why does someone think that because I’m on SexyAds that it’s okay to talk crudely to me? These key factors will help you to gain the respect you deserve.

* First you have to respect yourself. Don’t put up with any crap just to be with someone. It doesn’t matter how rich or attractive, if they don’t respect you, you don’t belong there. It’s far better to be alone than be mistreated.

* Show respect to your partner. Don’t be bossy or controlling and never ever put your partner down for any emotion he or she is feeling.

* Be your own person. If you live your life totally around another person with no interests of your own, then you are setting yourself up for hurt feelings. Nobody can be responsible for your happiness or for meeting all your needs. Create your own interests and pursue them with an eye to keeping a good balance in your life.

* Be Yourself. If the person you’re trying to get or keep in your life says they really like something, don’t toss yourself into it just so you can please them. It will all fall in a heap, I promise. One day you’ll realize that you’re not happy and the relationship isn’t worth all the effort you put into becoming who you aren’t. You’ll have wasted a lot of time you could have been spending with someone more compatible with who you are.

* Have sex when YOU’RE ready. Sure, it’s 2010 but there is no requirement that you have sex on the first date. Sure, if it’s something you’re comfortable with and you want, I say go for it, but if you’re doing it just so you can be sure of date #2, it’s a mistake. Waiting for sex until you’re sure might show that you’re worth the wait.

* If you’re answering ads on SexyAds (or any other site of an adult nature) you don’t have to be crude and write, “I’d love to come all over your tits,” as an introductory email. If you can’t say it to a stranger at the veggie stand, then it’s probably not going to work here either. The people are real, only their nicknames aren’t.

Respect is always a two-way street. If you’re a controlling bitch or bastard, you’re probably not going to get a lot of respect. If you’re a wimp who never stands up for him or herself, you’re probably not going to get a lot of respect. I am not trying to piss anyone off here but sometimes the truth hurts. Treat others as you want them to treat you because what goes around comes around.

Someone sent this to me today and it gave me a chuckle.

These may sound bad but the moral at the end is a good one…

I was scared at first.
It was very wide, and very long,
and it angled straight up.
I decided I had to try it once.
I slowly and carefully eased myself onto it.
It felt weird at first.
Then I got used to it.
I went up and down, and up and down on it.
I was really loving it.

Now I ride on escalators all the time.

I took my fingers and slowly,
and gently stretched it apart.
It was so pure and white.
I licked it once, twice … I found I couldn’t stop.
I licked it faster and faster, and harder.
I began to scrape my teeth against it.
There it was, in my mouth!
All sweet and creamy.
I was done.

And I threw away the outsides of my Oreo cookies.

I squeezed it gently at first,
then a little bit harder.
There seemed to be more and more of it
I moved it towards my lips.
It was a strange and new sensation for me.
I put it in my mouth
and moved it around and around with my tongue.
The time soon came when I knew I had to spit it out.
It was quite an experience.

The 1st time I tasted toothpaste.

They were both round and firm.
There was only the slightest difference between the two.
I took one in my hand and twisted it hard.
I used my other hand to grab the other one
and twist it hard the other way.

Now there’s a brighter light bulb in the living room.

It was very long, kind of thin.
I slid it between my fingers
until I got to the end of it.
I was turning it on.
It became firm in my hands,
and the end was wet.
Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip.

Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.

I knew it could be done.
I wanted to try but I didn’t know if I could do it.
I called my friend.
He said he knew how to do it and would teach me.
He put his arms around me and started.
I watched nervously in the mirror.
He finally finished and pulled back slowly.
I felt relieved that it was over.

I hate neckties.

It looked warm and dark, and juicy and inviting.
I wasn’t sure just what I wanted to do with it.
I carefully pulled it apart with my fingers to look into it better.
I knew how great it would be if I just started eating it.

But I decided to put ketchup on my burger.

MORAL???

It is not the word that corrupts the mind, but the mind that corrupts the word.

I read an article the other day about a woman who believes that people in relationships should consider “contractual infidelity.” She went on about how a couple could discuss having sex with another partner and what the rules were. In her mind, sexual intercourse (hereafter called fucking) wasn’t a problem for her or her husband but spooning afterward was in the forbidden list. I suppose she’s saying that recreational sex is okay but if there is any emotional connection between her husband and another woman, then she’d be mightily pissed off.

My mind kept saying, “Get real, woman!” Unless we could write a contract between us as a couple that said you can fuck but not talk and you couldn’t fuck the same one twice because then there might be an emotional tie, it would be unworkable. Human nature does have a part to play in this sex business. The woman needs to realize that the way she met her husband and eventually married him is the same way her husband is going to meet other women and she’s going to meet other men. Why wouldn’t natural instincts of caring and even love develop between them?

Don’t misunderstand, I believe that everyone deserves a great sex life and I also believe that we go through life once and to live it always hankering for passion, intimacy and plain old fucking is wrong. I think infidelity comes from lack of attention, approval or sex-using another person to fill the inner emptiness and take away the inner loneliness. Lack of sexual satisfaction in the context of marriage is one reason why partners cheat. I think couples should discuss what will happen if one partner’s sex drive takes a dump. Should the partner who still feels sexy be required to sort out sexuality with a good right hand or a BOB ? It’s time humans realized that one person might not be able to meet a person’s needs physically or emotionally.

Would you sign an infidelity contract with your husband or partner? Would you prefer that your partner talk about his or her physical or emotional needs not being met before they found someone else to help? I would.

When there’s a disagreement between you and your partner, are you always the one who gives in first? Sometimes it’s very frustrating when one half of a relationship “gives up” just to keep peace. Also, there seems a time that there are more than two people in a relationship that dictates where your relationship and your lives should be headed. Don’t let them walk over you or your relationship.

In all relationships there needs to be give and take to be truly considered a good and healthy relationship. When one always gives and the other always takes, that’s how relationships get broken. If compromise at your place means you’re the one who’s always saying, “I’m sorry,” then it’s time for you to learn that compromise isn’t a one-way street.

Rather than continue being the always yes always sorry doormat, the next time that your partner or spouse asks you to do something that you don’t want to, say no. They may be surprised and expect you to give in easily because you always do, but this time stand your ground and most of all, stay calm. Explain why you can’t or don’t want to do it and what other options there are. If they are persistent or even difficult, it might be tempting to give in to keep peace, but don’t. A relationship needs to be balanced. You must please yourself first rather than your partner.

Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean fighting tooth and nail about every little thing. That would be a miserable kind of life. What I’m talking about is the man or woman who is ground down emotionally because they are never right, they apologize for everything even when they’ve done nothing wrong. Sometimes just asking your partner to consider your needs too leads to recognizing that you do have needs that are as important to you as to him or her. Don’t make excuses for your spouse’s poor treatment of you. You are the only one who can stop it and you do that by not giving in for every decision or argument.

We are all perfect beings who deserve the love and respect of our partner. If you’re not getting it, get some change going on!

A date isn’t an interview that you are having when you apply for a job. I know, I know, time is precious so you have to do as much “screening” as you can as quickly as you can. And if you don’t feel that he/she isn’t the right one you can move on. That’s not what dating is all about. Dating is about having fun.Here are some other tips that will help you to relax and have a good time. If you get these right, your date will go swimmingly. Honestly.

1. Dress well — and appropriately for the activity you’ve planned. If you’re going out to dinner – smart casual for both men and women. If you’re going hiking, ladies, don’t wear heels. For goodness sake be clean. Take a shower just before your date. Look and smell delicious.

2. Show up on time. I know this sounds really simple but I’m flabberghasted at the number of complaints we have about both men and women who are 15 to 30 minutes or longer late on the first date. If you’re running into difficulty, call ahead and say you’re going to be 15 minutes late. It’s the courteous and respectful thing to do. Also, if you decide you have changed your mind, send an email or call. Too many people make dates to meet in person and fail to show up. Nerves most probably but it’s still really inconsiderate.

3. Put away your cell phone; do not take calls or text. One lady wrote to us last week about a first date (in person) with a guy from SexyAds. He took 9 phone calls during the evening from work or friends and didn’t say, “Can I call you back? I’m with someone now.” He asked for a 2nd date and she told him she wasn’t going to wait in the queue again.

4. Guys, if you’re meeting at a coffee shop, always buy your date something to drink — doesn’t matter if she says she’s fine without a drink, buy one anyway. I can hear you complaining about women’s lib and going dutch but I promise, you’ll get farther with a simple cup of coffee or a Coke.

5. Don’t swear or use other foul language or speak to serving people rudely. This should be a given but sadly it’s not. Manners will always win out.

6. Avoid talking about past relationships; Your date won’t be impressed with how awful your ex is or was or how big a martyr you were. It’s not relevant to the date you’re on or the relationship that might come between you. These sorts of discussions are weeks or months down the road over a glass of wine.

7. Don’t ask rapid-fire questions; nobody wants to feel like they’re being interviewed for a potential “job” as your boyfriend or girlfriend. Ask interesting questions about things you truly want to know. Where someone went to grade school or what their first dog’s name is should be none of your business at the first date.

8. Let the other person talk. I know it feels good to talk about yourself and your accomplishments but your date feels the same way. If you talk about yourself all night then it’s apparent to them that you don’t care what sort of person they are.

9. Stick it out for at least an hour, even if you’re not interested. You never know, after 30 minutes the nerves might settle down and the conversation could change and you might change your mind. If not, you’ve wasted 30 minutes.

10. Don’t pressure the other person to go out again. Ask once and if you’re flatly turned down, don’t go there again. Move on to someone who will look forward to that second date with you?