Studies tell us that when we meet a person of the opposite sex (or the same sex if that’s your game) online we build a virtual intimacy not unlike dating in person. There is a reason so many men and women engage in cybersex when they’re on the net. It’s not because they only want to explore their sexuality – they do it because it works for them. They can get sexually aroused by talking sexy with another person.

The worry then is when two people who’ve been doing the virtual rumpy pumpy finally meet in person. It’s a first date but these two people have discussed their sexuality for hours and hours. They feel a sense of emotional ownership of a relationship that may or may not exist for the other person. They meet, they kiss and off they go to experience sex in a physical sense.

Why do I say worry? When you’re having sex with one partner exclusively as in marriage or long term partnering, most people don’t worry about safe sex. I know people should but trust has come in and the need to be safe doesn’t seem so important. What then for someone who has had net sex for months and is “sure” that the other person is being honest about no sex with anyone else? They have unprotected sex, that’s what they do.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 50% of women use a condom when having sex with a partner for the first time. I would guess that it drops to much less than 50% for those women who’ve had a virtual intimate relationship. Ladies, be safe. Always us a condom when having sex with someone new. It just doesn’t make sense to do otherwise.

Is your social life stuck? Too many people today are so busy with their job and their family and their commitments that they don’t spend much time at all being social. Some people are shy at first and find making friends uncomfortable or difficult. All of us who are in the slim social life group should make a pact that THIS YEAR is going to be the year that we break out of the rut we’re in. Here are a few tried and tested tips for making changes you can be proud of in your life.

Spend some time soul searching about what things you really enjoy doing. We all do things because our friends enjoy them or our family enjoys them but in this instance, let’s focus on what WE enjoy doing. Make the list as long as you want. Maybe you want to meet people in the swinger lifestyle or meet people who enjoy cooking and dinner parties or people who like to play chess or anything you can think of. There are people out there who’d welcome a new friend. Few people have too many friends.

Even if you’re shy, making friends is easy. You make friends by repeated exposure to one another. Check out an online chatroom or forum and you’ll see what I mean. People are friends because they chat back and forth nearly every day. That’s how friends are made on and off-line. If you go to a swingers club every weekend, you are bound to make new friends. If you play chess every Wednesday, you’re bound to make friends. It takes getting off your butt and doing something about it. We ARE in control of our lives if we want to be.

Still got your list of things you like to do? Join a dating site or social networking site and find someone to share these interests with! If you love seeing foreign films, write that in your profile or ad and find someone else who enjoys doing that too. Once you have a friend and if it’s a friend of the gender you’re attracted to and you like each other.. nature takes over and does all the work for you.

Every city has a newcomers club or association. It doesn’t matter if you’re not new – go along anyway. You’ll find other people who are looking to expand their circle of friends.

Don’t spend this year doing the same old things the same old way. Create the life you want. It’s more than possible.

Videochat can be a whole lot of fun and people tell us every week how much they enjoyed themselves. Also, we see comments going back and forth where someone is saying how much fun they had last night. A check or two of the cams and some people are always G-rated and some, well, you’ll just have to see for yourself how sexy they can be on cam.

As the Internet has grown over the past 13 years we’ve been in business, a certain videochat etiquette has emerged — created and developed by the users themselves. There are a couple of things to remember when chatting via videocams with a group of people.

Don’t be a leghumper.

I don’t like to be sexist but we don’t have any problems with women going on and on asking a man to take off his clothes or show this bit or that bit. Why?  Because most women don’t ask.  They assume men come from the factory with all the mod cons.

The women who cam have been mentioning how annoying it is when men try to play director. These women are real people and they aren’t working in chat for a living. They’re on cam to enjoy themselves because they love feeling sexy and this is one outlet for sexual expression. Don’t ruin it for everyone by playing director and causing the women to stop videochatting.

No means no.

We’ve had a couple of people write to us at SexyAds.com because this woman or that woman wouldn’t let them view their cam. Tough. That’s how life is. If life were perfect we’d all be millionaires and drive around in fancy cars. How do you get to watch their cams? Be friendly. That makes you appear trustworthy. Begging is never attractive and it really pisses off the rest of the people in the chatroom when someone goes on and on and on begging to view a cam.

Why do YOU have sex? In a study last year by two doctors, Cindy Meston and David Buss, who identified 237 reasons adult Americans gave as the reasons they had sexual intercourse. The questionnaire began, “I have had sex in the past because…” and they were asked to assign a number 1 through 5 as the rating. 1 being not in my experience and 5 being all of my sexual experiences.

How many of these would you use as a reason why you have sex?

1. I was “in the heat of the moment.”
2. It just happened.
3. I was bored.
4. It just seemed like “the thing to do.”
5. Someone dared me.
6. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy).
7. I wanted to feel closer to God.
8. I wanted to gain acceptance from friends.
9. It’s exciting, adventurous.
10. I wanted to make up after a fight.
11. I wanted to get rid of aggression.
12. I was under the influence of drugs.
13. I wanted to try to get a better mate than my current mate.
14. I wanted to express my love for the person.
15. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
16. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
17. I felt like I owed it to the person.
18. I was attracted to the person.
19. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
20. My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.
21. It feels good.
22. My partner kept insisting.
23. The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her.
24. I was physically forced to.
25. I was verbally coerced into it.
26. I wanted the person to love me.
27. I wanted to have a child.
28. I wanted to make someone else jealous.
29. I wanted to have more sex than my friends.
30. I was married and you’re supposed to.
31. I was tired of being a virgin.
32. I was “horny.”
33. I wanted to feel loved.
34. I was feeling lonely.
35. Everyone else was having sex.
36. I wanted the attention.
37. It was easier to “go all the way” than to stop.
38. I wanted to ensure the relationship was “committed.”
39. I was competing with someone else to “get the person.”
40. I wanted to “gain control” of the person.
41. I was curious about what the person was like in bed.
42. I was curious about sex.
43. I wanted to feel attractive.
44. I wanted to please my partner.
45. I wanted to display submission.
46. I wanted to release anxiety/stress
47. I didn’t know how to say “no.”
48. I felt like it was my duty.
49. I wanted to end the relationship.
50. My friends pressured me into it.
51. I wanted the adventure/excitement.
52. I wanted the experience.
53. I felt obligated to.
54. It’s fun.
55. I wanted to get even with someone (i.e., revenge).
56. I wanted to be popular.
57. It would get me gifts.
58. I wanted to act out a fantasy.
59. I hadn’t had sex for a while.
60. The person was “available.”
61. I didn’t want to “lose” the person.
62. I thought it would help “trap” a new partner.
63. I wanted to capture someone else’s mate.
64. I felt sorry for the person.
65. I wanted to feel powerful.
66. I wanted to “possess” the person.
67. I wanted to release tension.
68. I wanted to feel good about myself.
69. I was slumming.
70. I felt rebellious.
71. I wanted to intensify my relationship.
72. It seemed like the natural next step in my relationship.
73. I wanted to be nice.
74. I wanted to feel connected to the person.
75. I wanted to feel young.
76. I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me.
77. I wanted him/her to stop bugging me about sex.
78. I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person.
79. I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself.
80. I didn’t want to disappoint the person.
81. I was trying to “get over” an earlier person/relationship.
82. I wanted to reaffirm my sexual orientation.
83. I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions.
84. I felt guilty.
85. My hormones were out of control.
86. It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.
87. It became a habit.
88. I wanted to keep my partner happy.
89. I had no self-control.
90. I wanted to communicate at a “deeper” level.
91. I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn’t have sex with him/her.
92. I was curious about my sexual abilities.
93. I wanted a “spiritual” experience.
94. It was just part of the relationship “routine.”
95. I wanted to lose my inhibitions.
96. I got “carried away.”
97. I needed another “notch on my belt.”
98. The person demanded that I have sex with him/her.
99. The opportunity presented itself.
100. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex while stoned (e.g., on marijuana or some other drug).
101. It’s considered “taboo” by society.
102. I wanted to increase the number of sex partners I had experienced.
103. The person was too “hot” (sexy) to resist.
104. I thought it would relax me.
105. I thought it would make me feel healthy.
106. I wanted to experiment with new experiences.
107. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with another person.
108. I thought it would help me to fall asleep.
109. I could brag to other people about my sexual experience.
110. It would allow me to “get sex out of my system” so that I could focus on other things.
111. I wanted to decrease my partner’s desire to have sex with someone else.
112. It would damage my reputation if I said “no.”
113. The other person was too physically attractive to resist.
114. I wanted to celebrate something.
115. I was seduced.
116. I wanted to make the person feel better about herself/himself.
117. I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex.
118. I wanted to see whether sex with a different partner would feel different or better.
119. I was mad at my partner, so I had sex with someone else.
120. I wanted to fulfill a previous promise to my partner.
121. It was expected of me.
122. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
123. I wanted the pure pleasure.
124. I wanted to dominate the other person.
125. I wanted to make a conquest.
126. I’m addicted to sex.
127. It was a favor to someone.
128. I wanted to be used or degraded.
129. Someone offered me money to do it.
130. I was drunk.
131. It seemed like good exercise.
132. I was pressured into doing it.
133. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.
134. I was frustrated and needed relief.
135. It was a romantic setting.
136. I felt insecure.
137. My regular partner is boring, so I had sex with someone else.
138. I was on the “rebound” from another relationship.
139. I wanted to boost my self-esteem
140. I wanted to get my partner to stay with me.
141. Because of a bet.
142. It was a special occasion.
143. It was the next step in the relationship.
144. I wanted to get a special favor from someone.
145. I wanted to get back at my partner for having cheated on me.
146. I wanted to enhance my reputation.
147. I wanted to keep warm.
148. I wanted to punish myself.
149. I wanted to break up a rival’s relationship by having sex with his/her partner.
150. I wanted to stop my partner’s nagging.
151. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
152. I wanted to brag to friends about my conquests.
153. I wanted to improve my sexual skills.
154. I wanted to get a job.
155. I wanted to get a raise.
156. I wanted to get a promotion.
157. I wanted to satisfy a compulsion.
158. I wanted to make money.
159. I wanted to keep my partner satisfied.
160. I wanted to change the topic of conversation.
161. I wanted to get out of doing something.
162. I wanted to test my compatibility with a new partner.
163. I wanted to get a partner to express love.
164. I wanted to put passion back into my relationship.
165. I wanted to prevent a breakup.
166. I wanted to become one with another person.
167. I wanted to get a favor from someone.
168. I wanted to breakup my relationship.
169. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease (e.g., herpes, AIDS).
170. I wanted to breakup another’s relationship.
171. I wanted to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
172. I wanted to make myself feel better about myself.
173. I wanted to get rid of a headache.
174. I was afraid to say “no” due to the possibility of physical harm.
175. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
176. I wanted to burn calories.
177. I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner.
178. I wanted to hurt an enemy.
179. I wanted to feel older.
180. It is my genetic imperative.
181. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.
182. I wanted to become more focused on work – sexual thoughts are distracting.
183. I wanted to say “I’ve missed you.”
184. I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion.
185. I wanted to say “I’m sorry.”
186. I wanted to return a favor.
187. I wanted to say “Thank You.”
188. I wanted to welcome someone home.
189. I wanted to say “goodbye.”
190. I wanted to defy my parents.
191. I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps.
192. I wanted to relieve “blue balls.”
193. I wanted to get the most out of life.
194. I wanted to feel feminine.
195. I wanted to feel masculine.
196. I am a sex addict.
197. I wanted to see what all the fuss is about.
198. I thought it would boost my social status.
199. The person had a lot of money.
200. The person’s physical appearance turned me on.
201. The person was a good dancer.
202. Someone had told me that this person was good in bed.
203. The person had beautiful eyes.
204. The person made me feel sexy.
205. An erotic movie had turned me on.
206. The person had taken me out to an expensive dinner.
207. The person was a good kisser.
208. The person had bought me jewelry.
209. The person had a great sense of humor.
210. The person seemed self-confident.
211. The person really desired me.
212. The person was really desired by others.
213. I wanted to gain access to that person’s friend.
214. I felt jealous.
215. The person flattered me.
216. I wanted to see if I could get the other person into bed.
217. The person had a desirable body.
218. I had not had sex in a long time.
219. The person smelled nice.
220. The person had an attractive face.
221. I saw the person naked and could not resist.
222. I was turned on by the sexual conversation.
223. The person was intelligent.
224. The person caressed me.
225. The person wore revealing clothes.
226. The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of him/her.
227. I knew the person was usually “out of my league.”
228. The person was mysterious.
229. I realized I was in love.
230. I wanted to forget about my problems.
231. I wanted to reproduce.
232. I/she was ovulating.
233. I wanted my partner to notice me.
234. I wanted to help my partner forget about his/her problems.
235. I wanted to lift my partner’s spirits.
236. I wanted to submit to my partner.
237. I wanted to make my partner feel powerful.

I think it’s a fascinating read. Some of these reasons people have sex are frankly off the planet. There are a few predatory reasons that make me feel uncomfortable and a few that make me feel that all’s right with the world.

I’d never really thought about why I had sex. I just had sex. Now will I always think about this list every time I have sex? Only time will tell.

I was talking with some friends over the weekend and you know how sex seems to come up after you’ve had a few drinks. The question for the night was, is there a certain time, a certain place or after a certain activity that you want sex more than at other times?

We all looked at each other and we all waited to see who’d answer first and nobody did. The topic changed and we went on to some ordinary subject.

A while later one of the women said, “you know, I’ve been thinking about it and I think I’m horniest after reading an erotic story or bits of a book with an erotic scene in it. I can always put myself in the picture and it gets me going.”

That started everyone talking. It seems that there could be reliable triggers that work for some people. One woman said that when she was cooking and smelled the spice cumin, she would start thinking about sex. My friend Ret said it was her husband’s smell of “after shower and deodorant”, she couldn’t resist him. There was a group of 9 women and not one woman had the same trigger.

Do you have a trigger that you know will always get your motor going?