Eric Ivy contacted me today to let me know that his new site, The Dating Matrix, is now live. He spends all his time helping people to make the best connections for themselves.

He’s got a book called The Dating Matrix which is a 28 day program for changing your life from lonely to fantastic. Remember the old saying.. “Nothing works unless you do” and that phrase is certainly true where finding a life partner is concerned. You can’t just sit around and wait for Santa to bring you a lover all wrapped up in tissue paper.

I hear from both men and women all the time who tell me that they try and try and just can’t seem to make a good connection. Either nobody replies to their ads or email or they seem choose one wrong person after another until they give up.

Well, for those of you in that situation, this book will help. I’ve been in the dating business for over 10 years and frankly, some people aren’t too good at it but everyone can learn. The Dating Matrix will break it all down into little bits that you can do to change your life. Imagine yourself a month from now with someone who just melts when you look into their eyes. It can happen but you’ll have to take the first step. Just a tiny step but one that you’ll always be grateful that you did.

I’m often asked what is flirting. People instinctively know what it is but they have trouble putting it into words. I have to admit that in my younger days I wondered about it myself.

Flirting is the nonverbal expression of interest, usually of a sexual nature.

There are countless ways to flirt but the simplest and most direct is eye contact with a slight smile – let your eyes do most of the work. If you’re interested in a fling, you can take it one step further and put a twinkle in your eye make it a come-fuck-me look that’s bound to get you noticed.

I read somewhere recently that there should be two kinds of flirting. One for when you’re in your normal surroundings and one when you’re away from your normal circle of acquaintances. The idea being that when you’re in your town you’re a bit more reserved and restrained but when you’re away, flirt with wild abandon. One suggestion was to mouth the words I Love You to a total stranger just to see what happens. I’m not sure that would work or even if it did, would I be interested in someone who’d fall for that, but it does illustrate that flirting should be fun.

Flirting should make the other person feel good about themselves. They’re being noticed by someone who sees them as an object of desire. We all want to be wanted, even by strangers. Think of the gift you’re giving to someone else when you flirt with them. When you give someone your undivided attention by listening to their stories and laughing at their jokes they feel important. Everyone likes to be with someone who makes them feel important. When things are going really well, a slight touch on the arm to brush of their fingers says you want to get to know them on a more intimate level.

There is a difference between flirting in your 20s and flirting past 40. I can only speak as an older woman but we come with experience learned from years of trial and error. What we lack in youthful exuberance we make up for with erotic self-confidence. If you meet someone you think would make a great date, tell them you’d lke to see them again. Depending upon their answer, you might have begun a relationship or created a new friend.

The most important thing is that flirting should be fun. If it’s not fun you’re doing it wrong. Lower your expectations and whack a smile on your face and expect to have a good time.


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I hear so many people complaining that they aren’t getting enough sex and then I see them or see photos and holy cow – some of the stuff they wear should have been tossed into the trash ages ago.

If you want to get more sex or you wish that you felt like having sex more often, then go through your wardrobe and toss out those baggy sweatpants and oversized paint splattered t-shirts. You don’t have to go out looking like a supermodel but you should always look your best, even when you’re sitting at home. Look at the woman in the photo. Does she feel sexy in those clothes? Probably not.

An old friend of mine, who I think is the sexiest woman on the planet, would always look neat, sexy and well groomed no matter if I saw her at 8am on a Tuesday morning or at 10pm at a Friday night party. One day I asked Margaret why she spent so much time doing her hair and makeup when all she was going to do was mow the lawn. Her answer felt like a smack upside the head.

When I wake up in the morning I have a choice. I can go around looking like a slob and my energy feels the same way. When I used to dress tacky I always felt as tired as my clothes looked. Then over time I noticed that when I got up, did my hair, put on makeup and wore clothes that didn’t look like I slept on them all night, I felt better. I had more energy. I felt sexy.. and I got more sex because I wanted more sex. It felt good. So I threw out everything that didn’t make me feel sexy.

So I took a page out of Margaret’s book of life and have always remembered that when I got up and said, “I’m not going anywhere today so I don’t need to do my hair or put on makeup.” I always feel better and I get more done when I feel good about the way I look.

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We all know how to flirt in person. There are those looks across a crowded room, extended eye contact, that shy smile, licking the lips.. you all know you’re guilty of nearly all of those at one time in your life. We’ve all been flirting since we were young. Now everyone is looking for love online and some people can’t get the hang of flirting purely by text.

How do you flirt online?

Remember when you were a kid and there was always a boy teasing one of the girls by pulling her ponytail or braids? He was always paying attention to her in one fashion or another and online flirting is done the same way.

When you email someone new, compliment him or her on a photo, profile or ad. If he’s got a great butt, tell him so. If she looks great in those black pants, let her know. Maybe there’s a wild sparkle in their eyes or they’ve caught a big fish – everyone likes to be noticed and complimented.

If you’re in a chatroom, don’t try to keep up with ALL the conversations because there can be up to 50 going on at one time. Stake out one woman and comment on what she’s talking about, even if she’s in a conversation with others. Join right in. If you’re new, introduce yourself and then comment to what they’re saying and they’ll get to know you and before you know it, you’ll be talking privately and you can start those compliments flowing.

Remember that paying attention doesn’t mean stalking – if someone doesn’t seem interested – choose another target. You’ll be wasting your time going after someone who’s not interested. You won’t get anywhere and they’ll be pissed off.

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