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Life starts out ok and then we end up right back where we started from.

3 years old — We’re grateful for not shitting in our pants.

12 years old — We love having friends.

18 years old — We’re glad to have a driver’s license.

20 years old — We’re thrilled about having sex.

35 years old — We love having money.

50 years old — We lover having money.

60 years old — We’re thrilled about having sex.

70 years old — We’re glad to have a driver’s license.

75 years old — We love having friends.

80 years old — We’re grateful for not shitting in our pants.

It’s funny. I AM thrilled to have sex, however I’m not looking forward to being grateful for not shitting in my pants.

I’ve spent the last six months losing weight. It’s not been easy but then I can’t say it’s been a difficult time. The biggest problem is that I’ve got these boobs that go on forever. I was always very well endowed but with all the weight loss, well, posing nude wouldn’t be anything I’d sign up for. The first thing I want to do once I get all the weight off is get a new set of much smaller boobs.

Imagine my shock when I read the story of the actress and model in Brazil who has the world’s largest set of breast implants. She’s a famous model and actress in Brazil. She says breast implants have given her a high self esteem for the first time in her life. Well they damn well should! She’s a 34 FFF. What sort of sick person needs this? I can’t wait to get these DDs down to a nice C!

It started out with her wanting to look better each day. She said, “Everybody’s got their dream inside. It’s good when you can make your dream come true.”

Eight years ago Sheyla Hersheyweighed close to 200 pounds. Her whole life she wanted to be like country music star Dolly Parton.

“I was 9 years old and she was on TV in a concert in England. She was singing and I saw a beautiful angel.”

“I wasn’t happy the way I used to look. That really depressed me.”

Then she took it to the extreme. Her goal was to make history with the largest breasts. Now she’s done that in Brazil’s version of the Guinness Book Of World Records with size 34 triple f.

“It’s kind of serious. My doctor he says he don’t want to operate on me no more. Because in 5 years I’ve changed 8 times.”

Sheyla’s implants are filled with a thousand CCs or two quarts of silicone. Local plastic surgeon Dr Joseph Perlman says most of his patients choose less than half that size. The average woman is probably a 3-400 CC implant.

“Well, a lot of doctors say I might have a huge problems with back pain but so far I’ve never had any problems so I might do have in the future,” she says.

Dr Perlman says the worst problem women face with large implants is back and shoulder pain.

“The other problems that can happen with a breast implant is you’re putting a piece of foreign material in your body and your body naturally forms a barrier around it. Just the same as it forms scar tissue around a splinter or scar tissue around a hip implant or a heart valve.”

From Dr Perlman’s experience, patients who choose larger implants tend to have more problems with that scar tissue and often have to go back to the operating room to have it removed.

Sheyla feels better than ever about herself but others don’t see it her way

“I just don’t like people to look at me and laugh at me.”

Laugh at her? I don’t laugh at her, I pity her. What a horrible case of low self-esteem. As if having boobs the size of watermelons could make you prettier, healthier, nicer, smarter, more self-confident or anything! They’re boobs for god’s sake.

Just sitting here rolling my eyes.

I was walking to the kitchen yesterday afternoon and Mr. Flirty was pissing himself laughing. Sure, I was curious but with men, you never want to get too close so I peered in. Remember Charlie, our new puppy? Well, Charlie’s water bowl was in the center of the floor with just a bit of dirty water in the bottom and the rest of the water was evenly splashed all over the kitchen floor.

He had both paws in the bowl and was really going after it and the bowl was sliding across the floor giving up the last of it’s watery goodness. I looked at Mr. Flirty and said sweetly, “what the fuck is he doing????” I used the f word because I knew I was going to be the one cleaning it all up. Mr. Flirty is a programmer.. that’s all I need to say.

Apparently because he has a stainless steel bowl and I had just washed it so it was nice and shiny and full of clean water, he could see a dog in the bottom of the bowl. So he stepped on that dog and he moved. No, he’s still there. Step on him again and he went away. No, he’s there again. He did this until there was no water left in the bowl.

So why didn’t Mr. Flirty stop him from drowning the kitchen? He thought it was really cute that he was going after the other dog.

Mopping took about 10 minutes and then I refilled his bowl and turned around. You guessed it, the dog was back!! I got him before it was a full mop job and only put a few laps worth of water in the bowl.

So far today, the dog in the bowl is safe. He forgot about him.

It amazes me the number of people I meet who act like they were brought up by a family of mice. No please or thank you, no let’s take turns, no ability to argue a point without anger — in other words a complete dork. On top of that, people with no social skills want us to love and nurture them when we grow up. This isn’t a man bashing exercise, there are plenty of women who are dorks too. Some people call them money grubbing bitches, but I won’t go there today.

Proper social skills allow you to progress through life and achieve your goals in a manner that’s harmonious with and pleasant to other people you meet. It’s simple, so why is it so difficult for some people? People are influenced by your behavior and attitude, there’s no getting away from it. If you’re a shit and you act like a shit, people won’t stick around for very long. Not unless you bully them to the point where they are afraid of you but that’s something even a flirty old woman won’t get into.

You don’t have to be a smarmy used car salesman to be considered to have good social skills. You need to be seen as a nice person – genuinely friendly, outgoing, interesting and likeable. It’s really easy to be nice. There is always something nice you can think of to say in any situation. Sure we all get wound up and spout off at inappropriate times and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to be perfect, just likeable.

If someone had bad role models growing up, that could cause a problem for them in social situations. When they’re uncomfortable and insecure they won’t act in a likeable way. That’s where they might be right now, but it is possible to change. All they need is the “want to” to make it happen.

Start by hanging around with someone they think is friendly and likeable. Watch what they do and how they interact with other people. They’ll look for nice things to say to people. They’ll be genuinely interested in what others say and about what goes on in other peoples’ lives.

Try to see themselves as others do. This can be tricky but they should be aware of what they’re saying and how they’re saying it and listen for feedback. Having someone shake their head at you and say, “man, you’re weird,” is feedback they should listen to. Someone who is not aware of how they come across to other people often think that they’re a great catch and can’t understand why they keep getting rejected.

If they make a mistake, don’t beat themselves up. We ALL make mistakes we wish we hadn’t. Ask Mr. Obama how many states there are and see how he feels about mistakes! Simply do their best not to make the same mistake again and let the mishap go.

Ask advice from a friend. If they think you can take any criticism (and some cannot) then they should ask someone they respect to give them some pointers on what they could do to improve their social skills. They might find that it’s only a couple of things that are keeping them from their goal.