I was walking to the kitchen yesterday afternoon and Mr. Flirty was pissing himself laughing. Sure, I was curious but with men, you never want to get too close so I peered in. Remember Charlie, our new puppy? Well, Charlie’s water bowl was in the center of the floor with just a bit of dirty water in the bottom and the rest of the water was evenly splashed all over the kitchen floor.

He had both paws in the bowl and was really going after it and the bowl was sliding across the floor giving up the last of it’s watery goodness. I looked at Mr. Flirty and said sweetly, “what the fuck is he doing????” I used the f word because I knew I was going to be the one cleaning it all up. Mr. Flirty is a prorammer.. that’s all I need to say.

Apparently because he has a stainless steel bowl and I had just washed it so it was nice and shiny and full of clean water, he could see a dog in the bottom of the bowl. So he stepped on that dog and he moved. No, he’s still there. Step on him again and he went away. No, he’s there again. He did this until there was no water left in the bowl.

So why didn’t Mr. Flirty stop him from drowning the kitchen? He thought it was really cute that he was going after the other dog.

Mopping took about 10 minutes and then I refilled his bowl and turned around. You guessed it, the dog was back!! I got him before it was a full mop job and only put a few laps worth of water in the bowl.

So far today, the dog in the bowl is safe. He forgot about him.

It amazes me the number of people I meet who act like they were brought up by a family of mice. No please or thank you, no let’s take turns, no ability to argue a point without anger — in other words a complete dork. On top of that, people with no social skills want us to love and nurture them when we grow up. This isn’t a man bashing exercise, there are plenty of women who are dorks too. Some people call them money grubbing bitches, but I won’t go there today.

Proper social skills allow you to progress through life and achieve your goals in a manner that’s harmonious with and pleasant to other people you meet. It’s simple, so why is it so difficult for some people? People are influenced by your behavior and attitude, there’s no getting away from it. If you’re a shit and you act like a shit, people won’t stick around for very long. Not unless you bully them to the point where they are afraid of you but that’s something even a flirty old woman won’t get into.

You don’t have to be a smarmy used car salesman to be considered to have good social skills. You need to be seen as a nice person - genuinely friendly, outgoing, interesting and likeable. It’s really easy to be nice. There is always something nice you can think of to say in any situation. Sure we all get wound up and spout off at inappropriate times and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to be perfect, just likeable.

If someone had bad role models growing up, that could cause a problem for them in social situations. When they’re uncomfortable and insecure they won’t act in a likeable way. That’s where they might be right now, but it is possible to change. All they need is the “want to” to make it happen.

Start by hanging around with someone they think is friendly and likeable. Watch what they do and how they interact with other people. They’ll look for nice things to say to people. They’ll be genuinely interested in what others say and about what goes on in other peoples’ lives.

Try to see themselves as others do. This can be tricky but they should be aware of what they’re saying and how they’re saying it and listen for feedback. Having someone shake their head at you and say, “man, you’re weird,” is feedback they should listen to. Someone who is not aware of how they come across to other people often think that they’re a great catch and can’t understand why they keep getting rejected.

If they make a mistake, don’t beat themselves up. We ALL make mistakes we wish we hadn’t. Ask Mr. Obama how many states there are and see how he feels about mistakes! Simply do their best not to make the same mistake again and let the mishap go.

Ask advice from a friend. If they think you can take any criticism (and some cannot) then they should ask someone they respect to give them some pointers on what they could do to improve their social skills. They might find that it’s only a couple of things that are keeping them from their goal.

I received an email this week from a guy complaining that he had written to four women on Monday and not one of them had replied and could I please tell him what kind of flimflam joint I was running. Like every other site, we do get people who complain from time to time and every time it happens - I hate it. We try really hard to provide a great place to meet new people but we’re not perfect so when we’ve done something wrong, we own up and apologize. I didn’t have to apologize today.

It turns out that this Mr. Wonderful had indeed written to four women, none of whom replied to him. On that bit, he was certainly right. When I looked up his details, his nickname was “lickmybutt” with a few numbers at the end. I won’t put the exact nickname here for obvious reasons. He was on the high side of 40 and lived in a small town in the mid-west. A very small town. So first off, he’s not going to get huge numbers of women to contact within 4 miles of his home, but what woman is going to reply to a nickname like that in the first place?

He might very well like getting his butt licked but is that how you want to start up a conversation? Imagine inviting HIM to your next cocktail party!

“Hello, I’d like to introduce my friend Mike, he just moved in 3 doors down,” you say.

“Hi, most people call me Mike but online I’m known as Lickmybutt,” he says with a big smile.

DEAD SILENCE

So you can imagine the fun I had explaining that it wasn’t my fault that he was stupid. He (and frankly a few other men online) don’t stop to think that the people on dating sites are normal, everyday people that you’d meet anywhere in your town. If he would be uncomfortable saying something to a stranger at the grocery store, he shouldn’t say it online to a person he’s trying to impress enough to get a date in person.

I asked him to change his nickname, upload a photo with his smiling face on it and to write to the same four women and see if he got a different response. He did! Two women have already replied to him and he has since written an apology to me along with thanks for being honest about what he’d done. Of course I did the superior dance around my office. I love it when people finally “get it” about online dating. It’s the same as in person dating except you aren’t in the same room.

A good friend of mine asked me that the other day. I asked her why she thought I would know. It seems that if you have a site with any content for adults only, then you would know everything having to do with human sexuality. Sadly, it ain’t so. Her question did pique my curiosity though so I started looking around on the net for any information I could find.

There are heaps of sites promoting one pheromone product or another and the hype is pretty outstanding. One site told me that all I had to do was wear this “perfume” into a bar and I could get a man within 5 minutes. I wanted to write and tell him that most women could walk into a bar and flirt for a bit and pick up a man in 5 minutes because it’s not that difficult to do. What is difficult is picking up the right man at the right time. I left that site and continued looking around the net for more sites and more information.

I did find a site that talked about a blind clinical study where the research showed that the men participating added a few drops of liquid into their aftershave every day for eight weeks. The ones who had the concentrated pheromone reported having significantly more sex, hugs and kisses than before the study. The ones with the placebo reported no change at all.

Now I don’t know if the pheromones would work for me, I AM a bit over the age of most people who frequent bars for pickups AND I have Mr. Flirty who wouldn’t appreciate me coming home with strays, but I do wonder what it would do for my sex life at home. Anyone currently dating who has tried human pheromones and can report any success or failure?