Imagine it, a bevy of beautiful hopefuls trying to reach the finals of the Miss England beauty competition. You can see them now, all slender beauties without a hair out of place and their swimsuits superglued to their asses. All, except one. Her name is Chloe Marshall and she’s a perfect size 16 and weighs in at 175 pounds and boasts a 38DD bra size.

What’s so surprising isn’t that she entered the contest at all, but lots of people would raise an eyebrow at someone “chubby” thinking they were good enough. Oh no, what’s surprising is that Chloe won. In her real life she’s a trainee beautician and is the first “roundy” to ever reach the finals.

The 16-year old Chloe said, “Everybody thinks you have to be a tall, slim blonde and I’m a curvy brunette. I want to show it is possible to be beautiful and not a standard size zero.”

“The reaction I’ve had is great. Other girls have told me I have really boosted their confidence, which is terrific,” said Chloe, who is the average size for a British woman.

To Chloe I say well done. It’s wonderful to see her beauty outside and inside recognized for what it is.

I ask this question because so many people I know choose not to be married at all. In my own case, it took us 8 years to decide to invite all our friends and swear til death do us part. It took my son 9 years and my daughter went for 7 years of living in sin. of our close friends, 3 couples have been together for more than 15 years without benefit of a stamp of government approval.

Which brings me to my friend Fran. She’s been with her partner for 6 years and she wants to be married. She’s 57 and wants the permanence and security she feels a marriage provides. I’m not sure I agree with that, especially if only one person wants to do it. We promised each other that if either one wanted to, we’d do it. No fuss, no hassles and it was a great day. But in Fran’s case, her partner Dick is against marriage completely. His parents failed at it and so have 2 of his brothers and he doesn’t want to follow in those footsteps.

Fran asked my opinion and I told her I didn’t want to give it to her because I thought she’d disagree with it and it might harm our friendship.

How do I really feel?

If both don’t want to get married, the relationship is doomed. We see relationships going well for years and then they marry and boom, it all disappears. I think that’s what will happen to Fran and Dick because Dick doesn’t want to do it and he’ll feel pressured into marriage or nothing. She has already said that if he doesn’t marry her she’s moving on and I don’t blame her one bit.

We each make our way through this world and if marriage is important to her, then she needs to find someone who she can love and will help her fulfill that need. I don’t think she should stay with Dick if she’s going to be unhappy and blame him for it. Just as if he marries her not wanting to, he’ll blame her for his unhappiness too.

What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas right? There’s the tree, the presents, the midnight church services, the music, the carols, Santa, the elves, Rudolph, the halls are decked, the endless array of Christmas cards and all the family comes around. Now THAT’S a holiday. Now please don’t go ranting all over half o Georgia telling me that Easter is about the death and rising of Jesus. We all know that. Christmas is about his birth but people really know how to have a good time on that holiday so why not this one?

That’s what I’m talking about here. Easter has a few eggs and they’re delivered by a rabbit. How did the rabbit get in there? For that matter, why colored eggs? Why chocolate? I don’t know anyone who says Easter is their favorite holiday. For pete’s sake, nobody knows when Easter is until the day before practically. I like a holiday that I can plan ahead. I always know December 25th is the day that will arrive without all my gifts being bought.

At least with Easter there aren’t any gifts to worry about. I don’t like that. I want presents and if we could get presents on every holiday I’d raise my hand to vote for it. People are kinder when they get presents.

The Easter holiday officially starts on Maundy Thursday - the date of the Last Supper. Most people think Easter starts at noon on Friday but they’d be wrong. To me, Easter starts the day the gas prices go up.

Oh don’t get me started — Good Friday? How can they say it’s good when it was a horrible day? It’s like saying you had a good migraine yesterday because it stopped today. What about Sad Friday? Sorrowful Friday — anything but good.

Easter is a holiday that goes on forever, no wonder we have such a tough time polishing it up. We’re up to Holy Saturday now - in wait mode and then there’s Easter Sunday. What do people do on Easter? My family always ate. After we ate, then we’d think about what we were going to eat next. Then we’d sit around talking about how good the food was and will be. Finally we have Easter Monday for those who get the day off for Easter but since they’re already off anyway, they get Monday too. Too bad they have to sit at home because the gas prices are too high to go anywhere. Camp in the back yard I say!

I think it’s time to turn Easter into a fully fledged fun holiday with a fancy tree to stand around singing nifty songs we’ll all remember, special foods we only eat at Easter, and an old man dressed up funny that gives out presents. I love presents.

We’re way past the year 2000 but does that mean that manners and respect are out the window? Is the anonymity of the Internet seeping into all aspects of our lives?

The reason I say this is because of an email I received this week from a woman who’d met a lovely guy through SexyAds and they’d been dating 1-2 times a week for a few months. She’d met his parents and his friends and most importantly for me, they’d been intimate on many occasions. It wasn’t a casual friendship. She went out of town on business for 3 days and came back and called him and he wasn’t at home. Ok, people go out and things come up and she expected to hear from him the following day. No call. She left a message on his answering machine. No call.

She never heard from him again.

He didn’t have the balls to say the relationship wasn’t working for him and he wanted to move on, so he just dropped off the planet. So she’s sitting back wondering if there was something she said, something she did or a past love had come back or he found someone new — she wanted closure and asked for my advice. It was simple for me to give.

“Put the bastard behind you and start answering emails from men who will be nice to you.”

This woman is university educated, has a great job and she’s good looking from the photo on her profile. She doesn’t need to feel second class because this guy didn’t have any class at all.

Would you end a relationship by disappearing? Of course you wouldn’t, but some are and it’s not good enough.

During a golf tour of Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant, who was never the sharpest tool in the box, and knows nothing about the game, greets him in a typically Irish manner completely unaware of who he is.

“Top o’ the marnin’ to ya, sur,” says the attendant. Tiger nods his head in acknowledgement and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

“What are dose?” the attendant asked.

“They’re called tees” replied Tiger.

“Bejasus - what on God’s earth are dey for?” asked the Irishman.

“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving.” replied Tiger.

“Fookin’ Bejaysus!” exclaimed the Irishman, “Dem Germans tink of everything!”