The kind folks at Yahoo!’s Mybloglog.com thinks my blog is pornography and has removed me from their membership. I wish I could find the photographs that violate their guidelines because I have never, nor would I ever post any photograph that is x-rated or explicit. That’s just not who I am. Obviously I’ve pissed someone off enough for them to complain. I did write to the customer care person who wrote to me and asked me to read their guidelines. I wrote that as far as I could tell I hadn’t violated any guideline as all they say in them relates to photographs and if they could point to any images that were even naughty, I’d remove them.

How did they respond? They kicked me off. No explanation. Why? Because they’re big and they don’t have to answer to anyone.

I’ll accept that and move on to other things.

Best of luck to all you bloggers in 2008 and stay on the good side of the law.

FeelingFlirty

That was the subject line in an email I received last night. The mail came from a man who has been a member at SexyAds.com for a couple of years. Here’s his mail and then my reply.

Hi,

I don’t know if you can help me but tonight I talked with a few people in chat who suggested that maybe you could give me some good advice. I’ve been married for 16 years and for the past 7 years we haven’t had more than what I call holiday sex. We have sex on my birthday, New Year’s Eve and the first night we’re away on vacation. Other than that, there is always an excuse. She’s too tired. Sex hurts. The kids might hear us. She has a cold. Her back aches. It’s always something. When I say that it’s okay if we don’t have sex but could she hold me and touch me, I get the movie star hug with air kisses on each cheek.

I’m not an old man. I shower every day. I’m not rude. I’m respectful. But shit – I’ve got needs and they aren’t being met at home. I love my wife. She’s my best friend and we’ve been together for a long time. We have 2 terrific kids and I’m not ready to walk away from them just because I can’t get sex. I have to admit that I’m thinking about it. I find myself day dreaming about sexual encounters with women I see on the street or at work.

So, do you have advice for someone like me?

I have received a few letters like this over the years and every time I can almost feel his pain. It’s not always the man’s fault but I think there are a few things a man can do to improve his sexual life.

Hi,

Yes, I think I can offer you some ideas that might make a big difference to increase intimacy in your relationship. First of all, you can never change another person and that includes your wife. You can only change yourself, which will change the situation. It always changes the situation when you change yourself. What remains to be seen is if your wife will react to the changed situation. You can only try.

How to change yourself? There are a few things that can make a difference. First of all, women relate to the spoken word. We all talk with our friends but we’d rather talk with our husbands. The problem is that often they hear “blah blah blah shoes blah blah $97 blah blah kids blah blah blah chicken.” Out of a conversation like that my husband might understand that I bought a pair of shoes for $97, the kids called and we’re having chicken for dinner. He does respect me by at least pretending to listen but I would prefer that he commented once in a while.

Start out with a conversation about everything and nothing. Sometime during the conversation, catch a glimpse of the woman you married and tell her how glad you are that she’s in your life and that she still trips your trigger. Do nothing else. Don’t try to get her to have sex with you. Just let that comment sink in.

On another day, help her clear up the dishes after dinner and while you’re helping, give her a hug. Just a loving hug and a peck on the cheek. You’re doing two things here. You’re showing that you respect the work she does by helping and you’re showing your love in a non-sexual way. She needs to feel loved in order to feel sexy. Remember, no push for sex.

After a few days of this, ask her out on a date. I know it sounds funny, but you’re reaching for that sexy woman you married. She’s still in there but she’s rusty.

Take her to dinner, to a movie, to the theatre or a concert, but make sure you have everything ready for sex when you get home. Get some massage oil, bath oil, sex toys or whatever you think she’d enjoy as a long foreplay. This is going to be all about her and if you’re lucky, it will be about you too.

Try not to place blame for the lack of sex on her. This is a relationship and just as you wouldn’t blame her for having a cold and ruining a vacation, don’t blame her because her sex drive is sick.

Give it a go and write back and let us know how it went, ok?

It’s a sunny, warm Christmas morning in the Bay of Islands in New Zealand. I want to thank all my friends, old and new, for visiting my blog and leaving some of the best comments ever. You will never know how much you’ve meant to me this year. Please keep coming back and I’ll visit you too. I love reading your blogs.

FF

Moving house is never an easy proposition at the best of times but during the holidays it’s much more difficult and stressful. If you’re moving across town it’s a lot of work but moving to another country can be a pain in the ass. Ok, I do realize that I have a choice to move or not to move but knowing it’s something I want to do hasn’t made it any easier. First, try finding a moving company that will work during the holidays. No, your stuff will go sometime early next year, so until then bring what you absolutely have to have with you.

Next, if you have pets, pencil in about a week to take them to this vet and that quarantine place and get all the paperwork ready AND take them on a 3 1/2 hour drive the day BEFORE you actually fly off so they can sit in their little crates overnight so they don’t miss their flight at 2pm. The dogs (2 jack russell terriers) were not impressed.

If you were beginning to feel sorry for me, don’t. I’m only moving from Australia to New Zealand. The dogs didn’t even need to be quarantined for an hour. Just pay the people a lot of money and they hand them over.

I do have a new language to learn but mostly it’s just changing around the way the vowels are pronounced. I listen to the radio and wonder if in six months I’ll be talking like that. Some lady said yesterday, “It was elicktrifying,” when talking about a performance. The vowel i sounds like a short u. The vowel e sounds like a short i. So six sounds like sux or even sex if you get someone with a heavy accent. The shopping carts are called trundlers (I kid you not, there’s even a trundler park in the parking lot at the supermarket which is a car park.) They also use the word wee a lot. We took the dogs to the vet so their chips could be registered the morning after we arrived. The vet wanted “just a wee look.” A guy who reads the news on TV was going on a “wee holiday” — until the end of February! I probably have a lot of new words to learn as I get adjusted here.

Because there are no foxes here, chickens and ducks are in the local park by the dozens and happy picnickers feed them the leftovers. People who can’t take care of their chickens just leave them at the park. Some are quite beautiful. I have no idea who gets the eggs.

Tonight is Carols by Candlelight at the Old Stone Store and Kemp House – where the first English settlers landed in New Zealand. It’s right by the one lane bridge between where we live and town. I might have a wander down tonight in my shorts and sing Jingle Bells and White Christmas. Ok, it will remind me of my upbringing in Maine and my adulthood in Tennessee where it did get cold. After all the years I’ve been away, I still can’t get my head around Christmas with daylight savings. Christmas should be cold and dark at 5:30 and dinner should be turkey or ham or duck – not cold seafood because it’s too bloody hot to cook.

So what does this have to do with feeling flirty? A lot! Put NOT in front of it and that’s how I feel after moving and cleaning and putting things away. I think I felt sexier having a root canal than I have this week. The good news is that it’s all over and I’ll sing those carols tonight and think of all you lucky people in the cold and dark eating roasted food.

I know this is off-topic but to my mind there’s nothing like the love of a good dog. Plus, it’s the holidays.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

-Anonymous

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

-BenWilliams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

-Andy Rooney

Dogs love their friends& bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love& always have to mix love & hate.

-Anonymous

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

-Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise .

-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.

-Joe Weinstein

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

-Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

-Mark Twain

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

-RogerCaras

If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket & then give him only two of them.

-Phil Pastoret