Darling,

I don’t care where you’re from, where you went to school, the kind of clothes you wear, how much money you have, what kind of car you drive or where you’ve travelled. I don’t care who you know, nor do I care how you choose to earn a living.

Though I will always lust after your body, I have fallen in love with your mind. I care about what you say to me and how you say it. I care that you thirst for new experiences and want me to be a part of them.

When I’m old and gray, it’s your words that I’ll remember most.

Love,

M

p.s. I lied about the money

How many times have you thought that and kept it to yourself? I know I have. When our relationship changed from pals to lovers one thing we always promised each other was that we’d never say no, even if we didn’t feel like it. So if I’m definitely not in the mood, I will always be ok with a quickie and that’s always ok with him.

Should I say no?

I was reading a blog the other day and the writer crapped on about being honest and truthful to oneself and having the guts to say no. She mentioned sex but she meant in everything. If you don’t want to help out on neighborhood cleanup day or you don’t want to take your mother to her doctor’s appointment and you don’t want to take your kid to music lessons — then you shouldn’t do it.

Isn’t that what life is all about? The give and take that makes life complete? There are exceptions of course. If you’re a doormat who can never say no to anything, then learning to say no once in a while is a good thing.

But back to sex. Everything always leads back to sex around here.

As a woman who’s probably past her prime (who am I kidding?), I recall many times in my past that I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn’t feel sexy, I don’t think I looked sexy and I didn’t have time to do anything about it. I worked 9 hours a day and had two kids and a house to take care of. I wasn’t alone but I may as well have been. My mother told me that I’d get to a point where sex wasn’t important and she was right, but for all the wrong reasons.

Now sex makes me feel terrific — even if I’m not in the mood. I’m with someone who wouldn’t be offended if I said I wasn’t in the mood when he asked if I felt frisky, because he’s confident enough to say, “I am, how about a quickie?”

As the world’s top condom experts convene this week to update international standards, one American entrepreneur has a simple message: size matters.

It’s shaking up an industry that has generally taken a one-size-fits-all approach.

Frank Sadlo, founder of TheyFit, which makes what he claims are the world’s first custom-fit condoms, is pushing for updated standards to allow greater variation in condom size.

Sadlo said his inspiration for custom condoms arose from his days playing baseball at the University of Louisville in Kentucky, where locker room tales of exploits with the opposite sex often failed to include use of condoms due to complaints they did not fit.

It’s not just about well-endowed men in cramped prophylactic quarters, Sadlo told a meeting Thursday of delegates from 21 countries under the Geneva-based International Organisation for Standardisation.

When given a choice, he said many men prefer condoms smaller than the standard minimum 160 millimetres (6.3 inches) long, with more than half ordering those less than 130 millimetres (5.12 inches).

Standards are especially crucial – failure could mean the spread of potentially deadly diseases or unwanted pregnancy.

“Our job is to do away with inferior condoms,” said Eng Long Ong, meeting chairman and deputy head of the Malaysian Rubber Export Promotion Council, which estimates 13-14 billion condoms are made each year.

Getting quality condoms can be especially difficult in places like Africa, where they are a major part of AIDS prevention campaigns.

The length issue is just one of many being debated at the five-day meeting, the 24th such session since 1975, where delegates were creating new standards for synthetic and female condoms.

Synthetic polyurethane condoms are an alternative for people allergic to rubber latex, and can be thinner without losing strength. They also conduct heat better for “much more sensitivity with lovemaking,” said Grant Burt, international division director for Japan’s Sagami Rubber Industries Co.

Innovation for male condoms has focused on adding textures to enhance sexual pleasure, or offering different colours or lubricants. At the meeting, South Korean manufacturer Unidus displayed its “Long-Love” condom – featuring desensitising cream inside to prevent premature ejaculation so men “make a lasting impression.”

Widths vary but condom length is usually standard, as it is believed latex can stretch to fit all men. The average adult penis is 12.7 to 15.24 centimetres (5-6 inches) long, experts said.

A more comfortable condom contributes to men actually using them, said Michael Reece, director of the Centre for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University.

“Typically, when a man complains about condom fit, we have assumed that he means that condoms are too small, and we have often just ignored this complaint because we think that men are bragging about the size of their penis,” Reece said via email.

He said men also have problems with condoms being too large.

“It is time for those who establish condom manufacturing standards to consider whether an expanded range of condom sizes is necessary,” Reece said.

Sadlo offers a “fit kit,” a sheet of paper printed from a computer for sizing – and advising the user to watch out for paper cuts.

We’ve never had this discussion in our house before because I’m married to a man. They don’t care whether the toilet paper rolls over the top or comes out underneath, as long as it’s there when they need it, that’s just fine. If for some reason there is no paper on the roll, they don’t change it, they just get a new roll and sit it on the back of the toilet. Am I right, ladies?

So imagine my surprise this morning when there was a new roll on the hanger. I knew I hadn’t done it and the paper was coming out from the bottom and that would never be anything I’d do. My mother raised me right. There is only one correct way to hang the paper and that’s with it coming over the top. If you need confirmation, get a roll with a design on it and hang it both ways. The design only shows when the paper comes off from the top.

I thought I’d give some real encouragement and I said, “Thanks for changing the paper in the toilet.”

Him: “I always change the paper.”

Me: “Huh?”

Him: “Yes, I always change it.”

Me: “Do you hang it with the paper over the top or coming out at the bottom?”

Him: “Are you serious?”

Me: “Yes, which way do you put it?”

Him: “I pick up the paper and I hang it on the bar and whatever way it happens to be is the way I hang it.”

Me: “Ok, how often would you say you’ve done that since we have been together? (13 years)

Him: “A couple”

That puts “always” into perspective, doesn’t it? Nuff said.

I have no idea how this works, I have never been very good at these optical illusion pictures!

The friend who sent me this said if you stare at the photo below long enough, you should be able to see the ocean.

I looked and I looked and even cleaned my glasses, but I couldn’t see any ocean! (I saw something better though)