You know…there’s something about you I like. I can’t put my finger on it…but there’s something about you that makes you attractive.

You’ve got charisma!

How do I know? I know you’ve got charisma because you’re open to the world around you and ready to learn new things that the universe has to offer. And if there’s one characteristic you always find in charismatic people, it’s openness.

So, I think I’ve got your pegged right when I say you’ve got charisma. Even if you don’t know it yet.

Charisma is easy to spot. You could probably name a dozen “charismatic” people you know in politics, the entertainment industry, or your personal life. But even though it’s easy to spot, charisma isn’t so easy to break down into its key components.

The “It” Factor
It’s not so easy to identify exactly what it is about a person that makes him or her charismatic. You know that someone’s got “it;” you just can’t quite define what “it” is.

Charisma is an attractiveness that goes beyond good looks…an appeal that can’t be labelled…a captivating quality that isn’t the result of simple intellectual brilliance or a terrific sense of humor.

Most people see charisma as something elusive and unachievable—a kind of magical, mysterious magnetism that you’re either born with or not. And the fact is that nothing could be further from the truth!

Charisma isn’t a function of DNA. It can be developed…

and it can be developed by YOU.

Charisma is defined as “a certain presence.” When charismatic people enter a room, their mere presence draws attention and their energy may radiate to enliven the entire gathering. At the core of this charisma, says Friedman, is “a basic self-confidence” and the ability to project this to others.

Your charisma can be improved and increase…and that takes work, but don’t worry, the work is actually fun to do.

1. You’ll get far more respect than the average person!
2. People will be drawn to you without any effort on your part!
3. You’ll exude self-confidence!
4. You’ll seem powerful without being intimidating.
5. You’ll put people at ease and make them feel understood!
6. And you’ll be able to easily get what you want, because people will instinctively want to help you!

In your personal relationships, the quality of charisma can make your life fuller and more joyful. Members of your family and your friends will be far happier in your company, and you will have a greater influence on them, causing them to feel better about themselves and to do better at the important things in their lives.

Face it. Your charisma makes you irresistible.

In trying to explain charisma, some people speak of an “aura” that radiates out from a person and affects the people around him/her in a positive or negative way.

You Are What You Speak - Charismatic Words
We tend to equate charisma with a type of sex appeal or charm, but you can find charismatic leaders who were pretty darn unattractive. Look at British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, unarguably tremendously charismatic, but not attractive physically.

So an important part of charisma is the ability to elicit images in the mind of a follower. A message that is easy to “see” is easier to understand, and that works well for the message and the messenger.

Let Your Voice Come From Deep Within You
It’s more likely than not that you don’t involve your body in your speaking very much. You probably take shallow breaths, and when you speak, the resonance of your voice probably comes mainly out of your throat, neck and head, rather than out of your chest or deeper in your body.

Not good.

You must practice breathing more deeply, and practice letting sound come out of that deeper place within you. The following exercise is perfect for you:

Exercise: Open Up and Say Ahhhhh
Try breathing deeply and saying “ahhhh, ahhhh, ahhhh” with each breath, letting the sound come out of a lower place in your body. Then try speaking. You’ll find that your voice is more resonant and easier to listen to. If you do this every day, after a while your habit of breathing will change, and your vocal tone will change along with it.

You can practice this exercise wherever it’s convenient: in the car on the way to work, in the shower in the morning, or whenever you happen to be alone.

Speak with Excitement
Many people who have been told that they lack charisma have usually gotten into the habit of never showing any real excitement about anything.

Charismatic, attractive people, on the other hand, are good at conveying their enthusiasm about things in their lives by the way that they speak. You can learn to do this by practicing speaking excitedly about things.

You do this by practice. Choose a topic, and spend one speaking about that topic with enthusiasm. Really let yourself go, and get excited about it! It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about baseball, a recipe for brownies, your spouse, your business, or world politics. The subject doesn’t matter nearly as much as your ability to convey your excitement about it.

As you practice speaking excitedly, you’ll find you are more animated and exciting in all your conversations. And this will make you much more charismatic.

Don’t Be Wishy Washy
Many people who come across as boring and un-focused were not rewarded during their formative years for speaking with certainly or decisiveness. As a result, they’ve come to believe that the best way to get along in life was to stay “under the radar,” and to never appear too committed to anything

That’s a good way to get along, okay, if you don’t mind being completely devoid of charisma…and all the benefits that charisma brings.

If you’d rather do more than just get along, if you’d like to really be charismatic in your personal and business life, it’s time to start experimenting with speaking with certainty.

Exercise - Remove and Replace
Sounding wishy-washy is very much a function of the language you use when you express yourself. The easiest way to stop appearing to be drifting without a rudder is to remove the words “I guess” from your vocabulary.

When it comes to radiating charisma, you should remove all words of doubt and replace them with words of certainty.

• Instead of saying, “I guess so,” try saying, “Yes!
• Instead of saying “I guess that’d be okay,” try saying, “That’s what I want.”
• Instead of saying, “I guess we could sit over there,” try saying, “Let’s sit over there.”

Some people have natural charisma in their speaking. The rest of us just have practice.

Doesn’t it bug you when you see women with a great rack and she’s got it all squooshed in the wrong places — especially if she’s well endowed?

If you have been blessed with abundance in the bosom department, you don’t have to hoist them up in a plain boring bra any more. If you’ve got it, flaunt it, but make sure the new bra fits your shape! Your breasts deserve to be sexy, sassy and well.. hot! Treat them to fine lace, leopard print or satin and get out of white — put some color up there! Even if you don’t have more than a mouthful, it’s always nice to know how to know for sure that you’ve got the right size for your shape.

It’s true that the larger your breasts are, the more difficult it is to find a bra that fits well. Sometimes the underwire pinches or doesn’t feel right or there’s more of you than the bra can hold and you have spillout at the top. So for you, make sure you get the right size to begin with.

Get a soft tape measure and stand in front of a mirror and starting at the center, pass the tape measure around your body to be even just underneath your breasts. This is your band size.

Next, move the tape up to your armpits and measure above your breasts. Write that number down on a piece of paper. Now, measure your breast at nipple level, where you stick out most. Subtract the number you wrote down from the nipple-around-and-back measurement, and voila! Now you can figure your cup size!

Look below for the difference between the two numbers and that’s your cup size and remember, it’s not about numbers, it’s about looking good and feeling comfortable while you’re incredibly sexy!

0 to 1/2″ AA cup
1/2″ to 1″ A cup
1″ to 2 1/2″ B cup
2 1/2″ to 3 1/2″ C cup
3 1/2″ to 4 1/2″ D cup
4 1/2″ to 6″ DD (or E cup for some bras)
6″ to 7″ DDD (or F cup for some bras)
7″ to 8″ G cup
8″ to 9″ GG cup
9″ to 10″ H cup
10″ to 11″ HH cup
11″ to 12″ J cup
12″ to 13″ JJ cup

Everyone who frequents an online chatroom does it for one of a few reasons. Overwhelmingly we find that it’s either loneliness coupled with a real desire to connect with other human beings or an outlet for a bit of flirting and sexual fantasy. Fewer people use online chat as a way to meet a new partner. When I tell this to people with no online chat experience I get wide eyes and a quizzical look who can’t imagine spending day after day or evening after evening talking to a bunch of strangers via text chat or video cam.

To the doubters, it’s really true. It even happened to me. I was a single mother who held a full-time job. At the break of dawn I got the kids up, fed them breakfast, fixed their lunches, took them to school and headed to work. After work I stopped at the supermarket, went home, cooked dinner, did the cleaning up afterward, helped the kids with homework, put a load of wash in and ironed everyone’s clothes for the next day and then tucked the kids in bed. Where’s the life for me? Where’s the adult conversation? Where’s someone to care whether I am alive or not?

For me, I found them all online. For over a year I had never been in the same room with my best friends. We’d meet every night around 9:30pm after the kids were in bed. We’d talk about EVERYTHING. One minute we’d be talking about the best shampoo to wash the dog and then it would move to what did everyone cook for dinner and then it would be about the sexiest lingerie to ensure a hot date. If one of “the regulars” didn’t show up, we’d worry and eventually someone would ring just to be sure. It was an amazing time for me. I finally felt connected to a group of people who cared about me and were sincerely interested in what I had to say. My opinion mattered on every subject even if we disagreed.

Finally I met someone and my attention turned to real life and I didn’t need my online friends so much. They were happy for me and while they said they missed me, they were eager for me to create a new life for me and my family. I’ll never forget them. Southernbelle, MamaRose, Rattatosk, Arjon and so many more that it would take the rest of this paragraph to list. I haven’t talked with them for years but I know that if we were in the same room, the conversation would take off like we had never parted ways.

So if you know someone who you think is addicted to chat, it might be that it’s exactly what they need right now. Know that it’s temporary but it’s fulfilling a real need in their lives.

Ever begin dating someone new who’s just ended a long-term relationship? Then you know that the person is probably wounded in the self-esteem department and very well could be pining for “what was” because that was what they knew and could feel secure with. The relationship might have been a type of shitty relationship, but they understood and and knew the boundaries.

There are times you’ll swear you’re on a date with both of them and you’re competing with the ex-spouse and all the history that they shared. That person knows your date better than you do and they’ve created and shared many good memories and it’s going to be tough to let go of all of that and be ready to create new memories with you.

If you’ve had date number three and your date is always talking about the ex when there is clearly no reason to, they’re probably not over that relationship and certainly not ready to make a commitment to a new relationship with you. The best way to handle this is to be prepared to end things between you and explain how you feel. Tell the date that you really enjoy their company and like being with them but you don’t think they’re over the ex and that’s not fair to either of you. They’ll say that it’s not true but you know in your heart that they’re still thinking about that other person and there will be no room for you. Say that you’re going to date others but you’d like to keep in touch. This does not mean meeting weekly for a hot sexual encounter! Don’t fall for that in any way. You’ll be used, abused and eventually discarded and you’re worth so much more than that. There are lots of other people who want to treat you in the way you want to be treated.

At some point, even if the date goes back to the ex, they’ll be back. There is a reason that other person is an ex and those reasons won’t go away. If you’re available and sincerely like this person, give it a try but initially be ready to step back for the final time if the ex is still alive in most everything they say or do. You’ve given this person the time and space to explore all those feelings and to come back to you as a new person. It’s the best gift you could give because they will be able to move on with full closure.

Do you wonder where the spark has gone that once set your relationship on fire? Do you remember what it was like when you couldn’t wait to be with her again - smelling her scent, loving that look in her eye? Perhaps you’re spending too much time on what’s wrong with her than realizing how much is right with her. She knows it too and she’s not happy about it either.

The quirky things she does that you once thought “cute”, now annoy the hell out of you. What you once ignored now screams at you every time it happens.

Time does cool the heat of first lust when everything she did was wonderful but that doesn’t mean you can’t rekindle a cooling relationship. The solution starts and ends with communication. You can’t wait for her to sort it out because she might not know how but I have a never fail solution.

Ask her this one question and she’s bound to ask the same question right back to you.

“What needs to happen for you to feel loved?”

Sounds simple but the answer could take a while for her to sort through.

It’s important to know:

Does she feel loved when you help around the house?
Does she feel loved when you say “I love you?”
Does she feel loved when you give her small gifts?
Does she feel loved when you touch her?
Does she feel loved when you spend time only with her - not watching tv, not bowling, not with friends - just her?

If any of these are on her list and they aren’t happening, she’s not going to feel loved and she’s not going to want to love you in the way you need.

Give her time to make her list. If it’s going to take a while, give her a piece of paper and a pen and ask her to write it down and you’ll write down your list. Once you’ve listened to her story and then you’ve had your say, it’s time to compromise. You might both find that what you thought was showing love didn’t do the trick at all. Perhaps you’ve been bringing her gifts and what she really wanted was a soft kiss on the neck and you telling her that you love her more often.

We all have needs and we all require them to be fulfilled or we’re not going to be happy. If the lists are short and easy to accomodate you’re going to be smiling tonight, but if either of you has a long list of rules that are difficult to meet in order for one of you to feel loved — it will be obvious that one of you is being unrealistic as to what is possible. The one with the shortest list of needs is bound to be the happiest.

Some needs are basic that you can’t do without and the needs will be different for both of you. Talk about the best way to satisfy the real needs you both have that have brought you off track. The most important part of this exercise is to do your best to fulfill her needs as best you can. If an ice cream cone at 10pm makes her feel loved — do it. She’ll quickly get the point and want to make sure it happens again, so she’ll do her best on your list too.

None of this means you should compromise on things that matter most to you. You are as important as she is and this is a learning experience for both of you. If she says something to piss you off, tell her why it pisses you off and can she find a different way to say it. If she doesn’t know what upsets you, she’ll never be able to fix it.

Stay positive. If she does something that really makes you feel special, let her know. That feedback will encourage more activity like that. If something negative happens, simply state how it makes you feel and let it go. Negative emotions can bring your relationship to deep freeze state. This person is someone you know better than anyone else so sorting out the reasons for the mild chill will truly bring that joy you once had together. You can return to that passionate, rewarding relationship — it’s still there but under cover!