I was talking with Lynn yesterday, she’s a friend of mine who’s a psychologist and we were discussing a mutual friend of ours who always seems to be in one dilemma after another. I started out saying how sad it made me feel when I thought about all her problems and Lynn told me I was foolish. I was a bit taken aback at first because I thought she was cold and heartless and then she said something I hope I always remember — these 17 words she told me…

“For things to change, you must get a picture of what you want them to change to.”

I let the words sink in for a few minutes and then realized how right she was. Our friend focuses all the time on what has happened to her, she’s always a victim because she can only see herself as a victim. So I thought about those 17 words in the context of dating and relationships and I think she might be on to something there too. If you see yourself as single and dateless, why not try changing your focus. See yourself as someone desirable who hasn’t found the right one.. yet!

It IS a myth promoted by men who won’t put the effort into finding someone new. There are all sorts of excuses but there is no evidence to back up the claims that all the good ones are gone. Look at all the women who are getting divorced or having affairs - these are all available women. In fact, in the United States alone, there are more than 80 million single women. That line bears repeating, doesn’t it? If you can’t find ONE woman out of 80 million, perhaps you’re doing something wrong.

That’s where dating sites like SexyAds.com comes in. Dating sites don’t have more than 80 million single women, but they have a helluva lot more than you’ve got hanging on your arm now. Why is that? Is it because you really can’t afford the membership to contact them? Or is it that you’re afraid of rejection or a possible “player” so you resolve to be alone?

I think today is the perfect time for you to decide to do this just for you. Whether you’re looking for a playtime partner or a serious relationship with ALL the benefits, there isn’t a better time than right now to start the best part of your life with someone new. Why now? There has never been a time when there were more people seeking relationships than right now and never has it been so easy to find someone nearby or from far flung areas of the world. Dig in with both feet and start writing to everyone who interests you. Don’t give one thought to whether she writes back or not. Think of it as setting bait like you do when you go fishing. Some bite and some don’t and some you get to reel in. You wouldn’t get upset with a fish for not stopping to leave you a note to say no thanks, so think of it like this and you’ll never get upset.

Imagine what it would feel like right now to have someone special in your life. Someone who cares for you, wants you in every way possible and lights up the room when she walks in. It CAN be yours but you have to make the first step. Most women expect men to make the first contact, so if you’re waiting, you’ve got a long wait for the good ones. Try it, most sites cost less than taking someone to the movie with popcorn and it could result in a magic sexual experience that goes on and on.

That’s right. Don’t wait until you’re so lonely or desperate or horny to start looking for a new partner. Get serious about it now! Too often we read ads that sound really sad and we feel bad that someone has waited so long that they come across desperate for a date. The ads that say they just want a person, doesn’t matter how tall, what size, what location, any looks, any nationality or any race, just write and quickly.

That person is NOT going to get a reply. Why not? Because there are so many other upbeat ads to choose from. Nobody is going to answer a depressing ad if they have a better choice, so if you’re guilty of writing an ad when you’ve been a bit down, it’s time to write a new ad.

Wait until you’re in a good mood and you’re able to smile and write from your heart. What about what you did last weekend for fun? What about what you plan to do in the future? What about plans for vacation or holidays? What about a book you just read? What about a craft you’re working on? What about a sex toy you just tried out? What about a new outfit you bought that makes you feel terrific? What about your favorite dinner at your favorite restaurant?

I wrote that in about a minute and I could come up with another 50 ideas just as easily. It’s all about what interests you have that might match with another person. Get something to talk about and you’re halfway there. I know people think that writing is difficult but it’s not if you start out with one idea. Let’s say you decide to write about what you did last weekend. Here’s an idea:

“Trying to be fit 40ish guy seeks average to round woman of a similar age. Last weekend I went to a play at our local theatre to see “Pirates of Penzance” and then got a late dinner at Regas Restaurant - next time it would be great if you went with me - interested?”That might not seem like a great ad to you but it’s a helluva lot better than, “lonely guy wants to fuck.”

What are you thinking right now? If you had to choose whether the thoughts that fill your head most of the time are positive or negative, what would the answer be?

Thoughts are very powerful. They affect your general attitude. The attitude you carry reflects on your appearance, too – unless, of course, you are a great actor. It doesn’t end there. Your attitude can also affect people around you and it also shows in your ads and emails when looking for a new partner.

Positive thoughts are invigorating. When you’re positive, the people around you are energized by your vitality. Conversely, negative thoughts have a sapping effect on other people. Aside from making you look gloomy and sad, your negativity can turn a festive gathering into dullsville.

A positive attitude attracts people, while a negative attitude repels them. People tend to shy away from those who carry a negative attitude. If you’re looking for someone new in your life, remember this when you’re thinking about the type of person you want - nobody wants gloomy gus or gail.

It’s all about how you look at the world. If you focus on the bad things that could happen or the sadness and cruelty that exists in the world, that’s what your thoughts will be about. However, if you choose to focus on the positive things, you are more likely carry a positive attitude. Someone very wise once told me how to change my attitude in 16 seconds. I didn’t believe it but she proved me right.

When everything is going wrong for you and you’re grumpy and a real pain in the ass, try this. Put a smile on your face even if you have to fake it and then close your eyes and think of a funny thing that happened in your life that made you roar with laughter. Hold that thought for 16 seconds. Count them 1-2-3-4-…..16. Are you smiling? It works and I was sure it wouldn’t.

Studies have shown that a positive attitude promotes better health, less stress and upbeat people tend to have far more friends. A positive attitude begins with a healthy self-image. If you love the way you are and are satisfied, confident, and self-assured, you also make others are around feel the same way. If you’ve had trouble being positive it’s no wonder. Did you know that for every 14 things a parent says to his or her child, only one of them is positive? What does this say about the internal programming we all have inside us?

If you want a healthier outlook in life, you need to think happy thoughts, and you have to hear positive things as well. So, what can you do? Well, for starters, you could see a funny movie, you could play with children, spend some time telling jokes with friends or recite positive affirmations. All these activities fill you with positive stimuli, which in turn promotes positive attitude.

Although it is impossible to keep ourselves totallyfrom the negative things around us and in the world, it’s possible to carry a positive attitude by focusing on the good things, the positive things in life.

Sometimes when our friends feel down, the thing people mostly do is try to give them advice about how to be more positive. Sometimes, all they need is somebody cheerful to sit by them, and listen to them. You probably won’t have to say a word.

Adopting a healthy, positive attitude will almost guarantee that you’ll find someone new to share your life with very quickly. Positive thinking can retard aging, can make you healthier, can help you develop a better stress coping mechanism, and has a very positive effect on all the people you meet every day.

Online dating is the king of all the ways to meet women today. Why?

1) Women are a lot more open to your “moves” on the internet than they are in person. There is nothing intimidating, uncomfortable or even scary to a woman about a bunch of typed text that you sent to her.

2) You don’t have to fear being rejected face to face. That eliminates nervousness, clumsiness or fear right off the bat! Basically, it means you can be as smooooth as you want to be without screwing it up. Don’t be fooled though, rejection is always a part of the dating process - a big part. Even the best looking men on the planet get a “no thanks” more often than they hear a, “yes, I’d love to.”

Why? Because most women look for more than looks or money. They’re all different, mind you, and some are looking for comfort, fun, mystery, friendship and lots of other reasons men simply don’t think about.

In a lot of ways dating is a numbers game. The problem with that is that a lot of men are upset at the odds when it comes to dating offline or online. So how do you increase the odds in your favor? It comes back to numbers again. How many times have you written to just one woman and sat back and waited and waited and waited for her to reply and either she replied with a “no thanks,” or she was totally rude and didn’t reply at all because she wasn’t interested?

About the numbers. What the really successful men do that others could copy is that the ones that get a lot of dates write to a lot of women. They don’t pour their hearts out in one email and sit back and wait, they send a short, “Your photo really gets my motor going and I’d like to get to know you better,” and leaves it at that. He finds SOMETHING in her photo, ad, profile, blog, voice ad or forum comment to show that he really IS interested in her. As a woman at SexyAds I get mail every single day from men around the world that say, “wanna fuck?” Not one of them read my ad that said I worked here and was only here to help. Other women feel the same way when the email she gets doesn’t reflect what she’s looking for or something about her.

If you want to find someone and be in a relationship by the holidays, start now! If you’re tired of being alone on the weekends, now is the time to contact everyone that could be a potential match. Don’t be too particular unless it’s an absolute deal breaker! Don’t forget that some people just can’t get a decent looking photo even though they’re quite attractive.

Think about holding someone soft and naked next to your skin - and start writing!!