I’ve been suffering from vertigo or as my doctors want to call it, benign positional vertigo. It means that when I lie down I get dizzy if I roll on to my back or right side. Now many of you will think that’s no big thing if it only occurs at night when I go to bed and I can stay on my left side with no symptoms.

To me it means.. NO SEX ! Well, maybe not no sex but sex unlike anything I’ve ever enjoyed in the past. I know we all know what I mean when I say we’ve all done a quicky just to be nice to our partners.. that’s what I’ve been doing since September. I was worried that one of these days he would say, ENOUGH and start looking elsewhere for a woman who can get a bit kinky when the mood hits.

I’ve taken the drugs that have been recommended and I’ve done the exercises and have been to the ENT and to the neurologist. I don’t have a brain tumor. A friend of mine is a massage therapist and he suggested that I see an osteopath. My mother always said they were quacks, didn’t she? I was desperate!

I made the appointment and arrived on time with no idea what an osteopath did. Not to worry, he knew. He massaged my neck and my head and my shoulders and it felt really good but I couldn’t see that it would do me any good. I went home and woke up the next morning feeling like I’d been in a fight or car accident. Everything above my chest hurt. I didn’t worry and showed up for appointment #2 a few days later. He did pretty much the same thing and told me I should start getting some relief, but it might not help the dizziness.

I woke up the next morning and I thought just for shits and giggles I’d s l o w l y roll over onto my back. No dizziness. Quickly I woke my husband up and said, “hey, wanna fuck?” He didn’t say no.

Later that morning I brought the osteopath a bouquet of flowers. I’m back!!

Ok, it’s been three years. Well, nearly three years because it’s not til tomorrow. The gift for a 3rd anniversary is leather. I thought about buying him a leather whip or strap but that’s not really ME. I thought about getting him a leather briefcase but he doesn’t brief. I thought about leather chaps but that’s not really HIM.

Leather bookmark? Nah

Shoes? Who buys someone else shoes? Nah

Belt? Ditto above. Nah

I thought maybe I’d buy him a big steak and say it was really close to the leather but that didn’t make much sense. You know what I bought.. there is only one thing you can buy a man made out of leather that won’t get you in trouble. I took his wallet and bought an IDENTICAL wallet. Ok, not identical. This one doesn’t have any torn bits.

I thought, “Aha!! He’s forgotten and I’ll be all smug with two presents.” I also got him the new Bill Bryson book. Sure enough at 4pm he went looking for his wallet to shop for something secret. He remembered! The housekeeper told him it must be in his car and off he went. I have no idea what he used for money but he came back with a small package.

We’re even.

Now, if I get up early and bring him breakfast in bed, I’d be ahead.

I’ll set the alarm.

A bill to legalize some prostitution in the Hawaiian Islands has the backing of at least 14 state lawmakers and many women’s rights advocates. It’s about time. But House Bill 982 (and companion Senate Bill 706) might not pass this year or ever. It appears unlikely the bill will get a hearing this session. The decriminalization bill would permit sexual favors done in private, and it would designate areas where prostitution is allowed.

We all know that talking about sex and sexuality can be difficult for many people. They can go on and on for hours about violence and brutality and the right to bear arms but go nuts if you talk about the act that got us all here in the first place.

As Rev. Pam Vessels, of the United Church of Christ in Kalaupapa on Molokai said, “Do we really care if consenting adults are engaging in sexual acts for money?” I don’t. Whatever you or she or him over there do in privacy does not affect me at all. I don’t condone sexual trafficking but come on, there are women and men having casual sex all over the place. If you add a dollar figure, does it change anything? I think not.

Ok, maybe I shouldn’t have pet peeves about other dating sites but I’m human after all. There’s a big one that just cheeses me off every time someone writes to me about it. Creating fake members so people will buy a membership.

I’ll start by saying that we created our site for people like us – we were a bit older, we’d been around the block a time or two and we were adamant that our next relationship would include intimacy on all levels. We never went into this for the money, but we always figured that if we put the members’ success first, then there would be enough money to keep the site going. So far we’ve been right.

Anyway, back to my pet peeve. I was reminded about it this week when someone wrote on his blog that he felt that anyone on our site that was under 30 was a “plant” by the site to get people to buy to contact them. It’s just not so. I know there are sites out there that do that. One in particular, we tested. I won’t mention names, but they know who they are. My husband joined.

Now he’s a wonderful man and I love him to bits, but he’s 50, grey hair and beard and lives in Australia. Within 15 minutes of joining this other site he received 7 emails from women in their 20’s who lived in the US and Canada. The scheme is that women can write to anyone but a man has to buy a membership in order to reply. The next day he received 17 emails and one woman was over 40. So we joked about it and I asked him to buy a membership and see what happened.

You guessed it. He bought his membership and he wrote to every one of the women that had written to him initially. Yep, only the one woman over 40 replied to him. So we moved on and forgot about it. His membership was due to renew in 30 days and sure enough, on day 29 he got more replies from young women. Really sexy ones. One sent him a trio of really explicit photos. He missed the mail and his membership automatically renewed. He wrote to the women again, and not one replied to him.

Now this is what they’re comparing US to and it drives me up the wall. We’ve never tried a get rich quick scheme. We’re happy to grow our site slowly by providing really good service and features to help people find someone sexy to hook up with. Sorry to rant but sometimes you just gotta do it.

How often do you read that in an ad from a guy on a dating site? It’s in every 3rd or 4th ad. I say, “Welcome to the real world.”

A sexual meeting with no commitment & no strings is no relationship. That’s what men pay prostitutes for, so there isn’t any relationship or strings. I don’t understand why they don’t get it. To avoid being slammed by the few women who are looking for just sex, I will admit that there are a few women who don’t want to know how you like your chicken cooked, but they are in the minority.

A young woman from Florida wrote just this morning and said:

More often then I would like, I will read an e-mail that states, “I am looking for a no-strings attached fling. Only reply if you are serious”.

As a woman, I find it very difficult not to develop some type of connection to people that I have sex with. As a matter of fact, it’s damn near impossible for me to do. Does this mean that I don’t belong on this site, or that this lifestyle is not for me??? I would hope that is not the case, but I have had a few people tell me that I don’t fit in, here.

So what’s the answer? Men must realize that in any sexual relationship other than one that’s arranged and paid for, there will be some kind of emotional strings. By nature, women are nurturers. We care about people and many of us need an attachment of some sort to feel sexy. So if you’re looking for a no strings relationship, good luck. There are few out there to be had. If you’re looking for a woman to care about you but not intrude on your personal life, that is very possible but she’s going to want something from you in return.