I got a massage yesterday from my regular masseuse (first world problems for sure) and asked her how she was doing. She was elated because she had gone on a date with her husband the weekend before. When I asked her how long it had been since they had gone out together, she said, ‘Oh, maybe seven years.” Half way through my deep tissue, I wasn’t sure if she was exaggerating or not, but the pep in her step and excitement in her voice told she probably wasn’t.

My initial shock got me thinking though, how many date nights do you go on? My number wasn’t as high as I had envisioned it to be. Is yours? When I really thought about it, the amount of true dates I go on each year with my partner stumbles somewhere around 10-12. We go out all the time to grab food, run errands and visit people, but those aren’t “date nights.” Date nights are the nights you put a little more effort into, you plan it out and it’s understood that it’s just going to be the two of you. Surprised by my paltry number (we don’t even have kids!), I thought it’s time to pick up this dating game and make things exciting again. Plus there’s even science to back that date night is imperative to maintaining a happy and satisfying marriage (or relationship), so why not?

At this point, I know I and I’m sure, you, have suffered from date idea boredom, so in efforts to help you out I came up with 6 date ideas that are a little different and a whole lot of sexy.

Picnic it up–

Date nights don’t always mean you have to go out. Throw a picnic on the floor of your living room on a cold or rainy night. Get some wine, finger foods and a fire going. Throw down a blanket, turn down the lights and put on something sexy. You just have to fight the urge to turn on the TV when the conversation starts to lull.

Kick it old school–

Back in the good ole days (not that any of us were alive then), men used to actually court women, take them out for fancy drinks and go dancing. They’d put on a suit, the women would put on their best dress and it would be absolutely lovely. This may have been decades ago, but no reason you can’t do it now. Pull out your favorite dress and have him put on his nicest suit. Go out for Manhattans or French martinis at a jazz bar or anywhere there is live music, really. And then get to dancing. It’s cliche, but incredibly romantic.

Go swinging–

Does your sex life need a pick me up? Are you or were you a little adventurous in bed? If so, consider hitting up a swingers party for the night. You’ll have to do a little digging online, but you should be able to find a swingers community in your hometown. Go with an open mind and have a few drinks. First timers don’t have to dive in, in fact, you can just watch or hook up with your partner!

Toy excursion–

Need a little pick me up, but not as extreme as the one above? Totally understandable. Instead, you can make a night of toy shopping together. Go to your local adult novelty store like Adam and Eve and see what turns both of you on. This is a great idea because it will get both of you talking about what you like, what you don’t like and what you want to try. Promise each other that you’ll get at least 2 toys, one you want and one your partner wants to try. Then go home and try them out!

Get your blood flowing–

Have a weird schedule or merely time during the day to go out? Pick an exciting activity that both of you have never done before like white water rafting, repelling, horseback riding, etc. Exciting activities will get your adrenaline pumping. Sparks will fly when you pair a new activity, adrenaline and a partner together. It creates an automatic bond that will make you feel closer and immediately turned on.

Seduction Junction–

Finally, you can throw it back and pretend like it’s back when you first met. Both of you should get dressed and go out alone. Meet at the same bar but sit at different tables or stools. Have a drink or two and then seduce each other. Ask each other all the first date kind of stuff, play hard to get at first, or be overly flirty. Leave together in the end. It seems a little silly, but it can actually be a total turn on.

Both men and woman are guilty of a barren profile and these are the people who bitch most often that they can’t get a date or that the website is somehow sucky and responsible for their being alone on a Saturday night. Humbug. Dating is the same as any other thing you want in life. With a bit of effort, everything is easy.

I don’t think these folks go to work and just sit there because they would fail and get booted back home. Finding a date takes a little bit of effort too, but it is not difficult.

We get mail from a guys who have no ad, no photo, no blog, never sent a comment to a profile, blog or photo, never posted in the forum and don’t send emails. One had been a VIP member for 3 1/2 weeks and demanded that we give him his money back because nobody was real because they wouldn’t respond to him other than to say no thanks.  He just wouldn’t accept that women want to see more than nothing to reply to an email that says, “want to meet?”  The answer is always going to be no.  I find emails like this really frustrating because I’m sure the guy believes it’s all our fault.

If YOU want to get lucky more often, put a little effort into it.

• Make sure you have an ad or profile filled out. Don’t know how? See what other people do.
• No photo? In today’s dating world you need a photo. Not having a photo reduces your chances by up to 70%.
• Write a blog
• Write comments to profiles, photos and blogs
• Post in forums and message boards
• Join a chatroom or videochat
• Play online games
• Get involved in social media

These are all great ways to get noticed. The more you’re noticed, the more profile views you’ll have and that results in contacts.  Think of dating in the same way an advertising agent looks at promoting a new product.  It’s all about getting the most pairs of eyes on the subject. You.

Good luck!

Last week I received an email with a story from a SexyAds member in England who had chatted with a new friend for a while and finally decided to meet.  She’s recently gone through a rough patch of life and was really looking forward to catching up in person.

They’d exchanged photos so they both knew what to expect — or maybe not.

She went to the restaurant where they were supposed to meet and she watched and watched for her friend to arrive.  She thought she’d been stood up and then a man walked in looking nothing like the photo and walked up to her and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

She was floored!  He was easily 25 years older than the photo, had far fewer teeth than are required for a full meal and his command of the Queen’s English was dismal.

You’re wondering how she handled it, right? She did what any other woman would do.  She went to the ladies’ room and texted her friends and had a hilarious laugh at this poor man’s expense.  Underneath it all though, she was bitterly disappointed that she’d put heaps of effort into this friendship and he turned out to be a liar.

Folks, while looks are important in every relationship, what you look like might be exactly what someone else is seeking. (all except the teeth thing.. most people expect teeth in their date’s mouth, sorry.)

I know how stressful it is if you don’t have a lot of confidence in your looks. I went 10,000 miles for my first date with Jayce and I was too afraid to send him my photo because I didn’t want him to barf.  I knew if he met me he’d love me, (no problem with ego here) and he did.

The same thing can happen to you.  More people hold honesty and respect as more important than looks –  but what is considered attractive is different for all of us.  Nobody can explain attraction but we know what we like when we see it.

I know you hate to hear that but it’s true. Gone are the days when you could show up in your dirty jeans and stained t-shirt and get a burger at the car-hop joint in town. Ok, that was never an acceptable date but times are changing. The net has shown us that there are lots of people looking for new partners so you have to lift your game if you’re going to be a top contender.

Be fit at any size. You don’t have to be slender to be fit. Be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing your breath. Let your date know that IF you make it to bed that you’re not going to huff and puff and make it all seem like work.

Be clean. There are some people who think bathing is only required on Saturday night. If any of you are here at SexyAds – you’re wrong. 3 day old body odour is unacceptable and will make you undateable. (is that a word?)

Get a clue. Be able to carry on a conversation about something. You don’t have to know everything but know something to talk about. Pick up random tidbits of information on Wikipedia or read a book you can talk about, check the CNN website before your date. When the conversation has a lull in it, that’s when you pop in your profound thoughts. You only want to have sex with them and not discuss the world situation? Honey, nobody can fuck non-stop from door to door. There’s gotta be some travel time and getting undressed time and getting dressed again time.

Be kind. I know there’s the word sex in the name on the door but that is no excuse to leave your manners on the rug outside. Treat people with respect. Sure you might want a dynamo in the bedroom but treat your date with some class and you’ll be amazed at the results you’ll get.

Dating requires effort and a bit of follow-through. You’ve got to make the contacts and go through whatever it takes to make yourself attractive enough to date. I’m not talking about looks here.. your whole person has to attract someone to date. If you’re a Grumpy Gus or a Ditzy Dolly – you’ve got a bit of work to do but it’s all possible!

You wake up at 5:30am and dash to the computer to make sure you get a chance to say hi because you can’t wait all day to have a chat. The time difference means that you have to make changes in your lifestyle so you can catch up with your new sweetie at every opportunity. You’re madly in lust and thousands of miles apart – you live for the moments you’re together online.

We see this every day at SexyAds and we remember what it was like for us too. We were 10,000 miles apart and the time was really wacky. He would stay up half the night to chat with me and I’d get up at the buttcrack of dawn to make sure I talked with him in case he went to bed early. There was nothing we wouldn’t have done to make contact.

Are long distance relationships worth all that? Probably not for everyone. You have to put off the cuddles, kisses, hugs and more until you’re physically in the same space and some won’t do that. For us they were. WE knew there was something special about the other that we didn’t want to lose. So for those of you languishing in a bubble bath with your new love, we spent money on the phone and felt just as close. Because of the internet and phone, we never felt loneliness or despair. There was PLENTY of longing though. We kept saying we just wanted to touch and for the first week that’s all we did!

There does come a time where you sit on the threshold of an online sweetie and a commitment to a person a long distance away. Is this person worth all this effort? Is this person going to cheat on you? Is this person really who they say they are in the first place? We knew.. inside, we knew. The odds are not in favor of a long distance relationship (especially one of that distance) working out but we knew we’d beat those odds.

I’ll admit there were times that it seemed all too hard. The flat screen can make it difficult to tell when the other person is being sarcastic or funny and sometimes I’d hit the ceiling assuming he said something shitty when he meant nothing at all. There were the times when we were supposed to meet and he didn’t show – had he moved on? Was he looking for someone else? I would always realize that I trusted him and he’d show up. It doesn’t matter what kind of love you have – it’s not always easy. You might be arguing over which way the toilet paper should be hung or that you really hate broccoli and it seems to always be on the menu. People in a long distance relationship have different issues but the feelings you have are real – and this relationship can bring you joy.