I remember when I first moved to Australia from Florida back in 1996 and about 50% of the couples I met were “partners” but not legally man and wife. In Australia you only have to live together to get the same benefits as a married couple. I wondered if that would catch on in other places.

J and I were partners for 8 years until one night in Paris when I said I thought he should ask me to marry him. Subtle, I know. I don’t know why I decided that it was right for me but my guts gave me that feeling I have learned not to ignore.

I wonder if the same partnership rules existed in the US today where de facto couples who’d been together for more than a year had all the same benefits as a legally married couple, would there be as many marriages? Would you walk down the aisle if you could get by without it?

People have asked me if I would marry now if I hadn’t done so years ago and I have to say I would. While in my head I was fully committed to him, being married did give us that undefinable permanence that feels really good in the pit of my stomach. I always knew we’d be together forever but now I don’t wonder about it at all. I just know. I think J could have stayed partners forever but we promised each other that if either one wanted to, we would.

None of this should imply that I think marriage should only be between a man and a woman. I’m of the rock solid opinion that marriage should be allowed between any two people who want to commit themselves to each other for life. (or for however long they want to be together) It is really nobody’s business but the two people involved. I can’t see how marriage between any two other people can really affect me in any way other than if I want to make rules for everyone else to follow.

Marriage isn’t for everyone. Too often marriage becomes ownership, and when that happens, the party’s over for the one who’s owned. What about you? Would you marry someone or live together?

How can you tell whether someone is replying to you because they think you’re hot looking and they are really interested in getting to know you or if they are just being polite?

Does the writer ask any questions of you or do they only answer the ones you have asked but gives no room for follow-up questions? If you write again and it takes quite a while to get a reply, they’re just being polite and you should move on to someone who’s more interested in you.

If you receive an email from another member, it’s great to give a reply to everyone even if they’re not for you. They’ve taken the time to compose an email to you, so let them know you read it. Being polite is good but I’d prefer someone who is polite and says thanks for writing but I don’t think we’re a match. Then I can move on and contact others.

Remember, if you get an email and it doesn’t feel right in your gut, don’t get involved. I am a firm believer that our gut reaction is always right, even when our head says they’re drop dead gorgeous and our heart goes pitty pat. You want the best person for you, not an ornament or someone who’s a right pain in the ass.

I was talking with Lynn yesterday, she’s a good friend of mine who’s a psychologist and we were discussing a mutual friend of ours who always seems to be in one dilemma after another. I started out saying how sad it made me feel when I thought about all her problems and Lynn told me I was foolish. I was a bit taken aback at first because I thought she was cold and heartless and then she said something I hope I always remember — these 17 words she told me…

“For things to change, you must get a picture of what you want them to change to.”

I let the words sink in for a few minutes and then realized how right she was. Our friend focuses all the time on what has happened to her, she’s always a victim because she can only see herself as a victim. So I thought about those 17 words in the context of dating and relationships and I think she might be on to something there too. If you see yourself as single and dateless, why not try changing your focus. See yourself as someone desirable who hasn’t found the right one.. yet!

You CAN survive 2010 and here are some great tips for doing just that.

1. Stay out of trouble

2. Aim for greater heights

3. Stay focused on your job

4. Exercise to maintain good health

5. Practice teamwork

6. Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back, but take your time trusting others

7. Save for a rainy day

8. Rest and relax

9. Always take time to smile, it makes the world a better place

10. Realize that NOTHING is impossible